For breathing that thin air all the time, the crew at Snowboard Colorado is pumping out some amazing stuff over there in the Rockies. Between our favorite Gypsy Billy Mackey and ya know, strippers, this video as it all. And raises some interesting questions that sort of make us wonder which is a worse career choice: snowboarder or stripper?
European style master. Amateur porn auteur. Swedish sex maniac. Kevin Backstrom is all these things with a big cherry on top. Quickly rising to become one of Yobeat’s favorite European son’s, Kevin is currently nursing a broken ankle. With ample supplies of shred videos, tits, ass and blogging, Kevin will be back at it late next month. Get well, Kevin. The shred world fucking needs you.
What was better – your first day of snowboarding or losing your virginity? Take us back to these glorious times.
Oh God damn that’s an easy one. Losing my virginity for sure. It was a summer day when we all had vacation from school back in the days. I was with my best girlfriend and one of my best friends. I was really young and I didn’t really know anything back then. Well, we had a bottle so we decided to play this game called spin the bottle. And we started out pretty mellow and you could choose between kisses, hugs and shit like that (me and the girl, of course!). After that I came up with a great idea that we should have sex in there as well. So, we spun the bottle and it came on me so i had to decide what to do. I said sex and she was down. So we had sex there in the playroom at my old school. A week or two later, we did it again at her place and I think i was around 12-13 or something like that. Then I had a little break until i was 15 and after that I’ve been on a mission. This is what I looked like when i was 12-13.
Last year you just got back from a gnarly arm injury. It’s January right now. New year. You just broke your ankle. What happened?
True that, true that. I just broke my ankle while shooting for “Beyond Medals” in Oslo. I’m only out for 4-5 more weeks so its pretty mellow, I would say.
Is Tor Lundstrom nursing you back to health now that you guys live together?
(Laughing) He’s in the States right now so I have to get those female nurses over.
You told me in October that, “My plans for this season are to send it as hard as possible and stay healthy.” Where do you go from here – to the strip club?
Now that I’m injured I can’t really do that much. I would go to the strip club if it was good. The one we have where I live is pretty shitty and the girls look like shit, too. I’m just trying to heal up so I can go out and ride and send it with my friends again. I hate being injured!
You’re from Sweden. Tell us something interesting about the homeland. You guys eat reindeer up there?
Yes, yes, yes! Sweden has some of the hottest girls, I would say. They are not hard to take down after a night out. I don’t even know what reindeer is but I guess some people do eat it. We have a King that got busted for fucking hookers and that he went to strip clubs and shit. The Queen of Sweden was mad for a couple of weeks after that, I guess. We don’t have that many good snowparks in Sweden.
What’s the weirdest place at a ski resort you’ve had sex?
Hmmm. Ski locker room, maybe?
What’s one of the best things you have had or received from some of your insatiable female fans?
(Laughing) I really like getting love letters. Some girls send paintings with me on them. Their ass with a kb sign, t-shirts with me on it, dirty naked photos, but the best thing must be when they want to have sex.
It’s Wednesday. It’s hump day. Take us through the perfect hump day for Kevin Backstrom, waking up to going to bed. What the fuck would you do?
The perfect day would probably start like this – wake up at 9, hit the slopes at 10 with all my homies, ride until 3, get home and shower, do some facebooking, instagram and blog, then I would get ready for a mayhem night with the boys and a couple of girls. Hit the club, come home with at least 1 girl, fuck, sleep, repeat.
Why do you think success for European snowboarders is so elusive in the states?
I have no idea, actually. A lot of European guys have weird names that are hard to remember, but I don’t know.
You aren’t afraid to do contests. You love metal scaffolding and sketchy jumps and sketchy landings and sketchy chicks. Do you enjoy contests, or is it just about the money?
(Laughing) I hate icy and sketchy jumps, but sometimes it’s fun to do contests. Now that slopestyle is an Olympic thing, I’m gonna try to do that. Sketchy chicks can be fun, though.
When was the last time you were in a strip club?
A couple of weeks ago.
Since the Tor Lundstrom/Kevin Backstrom 2012 strippergate scandal has subsided what lesson did you learn from such a trivial event and how is the Swedish National media treating you this day?
(Laughing) I didn’t learn a single lesson. Maybe not post photos from strip clubs on Instagram. They are not treating us good at all. I was on the OUT LIST in a newspaper the other day actually. The things that was out was me and one of Sweden’s biggest Zoo. Pretty funny, though. They said that my blog finest.se/kevinbackstrom looks more like an amateur porn site than anything else and that I’m a bad influence on kids.
Are you still holding strong with your title of, “The biggest partiers in the Euro boardworld?”
I’m not the biggest partier, actually (laughing). There are a lot of people that send it waaaaay harder than me, but I can still send it pretty hard. I guess people get that feeling about me as I only post about girls, parties and shit like that. Who wants to see an instagram photo of me from the gym?? Right now I’m not drinking at all as I want my bones to heal together as fast as possible. Kind of boring, but the best thing for me right now.
Keys to successful night out on the town after shredding all day?
Vodka, friends, girls, condoms.
Will you be healthy enough to attend Grenade Games? I think it’s time you also came to Reno. I have some great titty bars for you. Places we can eat steak and have tits in our faces.
I really hope so! It would be sick as hell. Looks like a lot of fun at Grenade Games. Count me in on that mission. I love steak and titties so it sounds like a great combo.
Any words of wisdom for the Yobeat readers?
Have as much fun as possible.
Nike, Monster Energy, Rome Snowboards, Beats by Dre, Junkyard.com, ION cameras.
Enjoy more from Kevin at http://kevinbackstrom.blogspot.com/
Let’s face it, there are less reasons than ever to go to a ski resort – the never ending recession, global warming, the price of gas, lack of snow, you’re fat, you’re lazy, you suck, you’re getting older and the hill is a long ass drive from where you live. Yep, we feel your pain, brother. Yet, what if we told you a place existed – a world where nature, snowboarding, jib hits, poppers, face shots galore and rubbing titties all up in your face collided into one amazing mountain of love. Would you go? A majestic mountain with a bevy of nude hot broads, cool slopes and plenty of poles to grind on. Welcome to Stripper Mountain.
Stripper Mountain is a world like no other. A winter never-land for adult snow enthusiasts. A mountain where riders, strippers and the natural elements blend seamlessly in an orgy of intensity that would even make Shaun Palmer blush. We all can’t afford $800,000 on slope condos, but everyone can afford a good stripper. Strippers – much to our love and dismay, have a natural affinity towards snowboarding, snow in general and the dudes who love sliding sideways with reckless, stupid abandon. It’s a match made in heaven. Can you feel the fire in your loins?
Stripper Mountain is located in a western state with no state income tax, gets 500 inches of light, dry snow every year like clockwork and resides at a base elevation of 2,500 feet and the summit, Mount Silver Dollar Nipple, tops out at a whopping 8,300 feet. If you just said, “Holy Shit! That’s more vertical than Revelstoke!” You are indeed correct. That’s 5,800 feet of vertical rise. If that doesn’t get a vertical rise going in the deep dark recesses of your baselayers, well, hell, just wait till the strippers get their hands on you. 100 dollar blow jobs in no time!
There are many reasons for saying, “Fuck it! I am headed out to StripperMountain!” but below we break down a few ways Stripper Mountain really separates itself from the pack of the mundane, run of the mill, cookie ass cutter ski hills. Corn dogs and corn snow just ain’t cutting it anymore. It’s time to live the fantasy. The Stripper Mountain fantasy. Behold the spectacle!
This is usually the worst job at any resort, but not so at Stripper Mountain. This is your first experience at Stripper Mountain and we aim to please, right from the moment one of our stripper’s flags you down topless in a thong with a wand in her hand with tassels on it and tells you where to park it. Whether or not you opt for the valet service from one of our fine ladies, or just want to park your own piece of shit, we’ve got plenty to offer at Stripper Mountain even before you put on your decrepit old Northwave boots on and walk your pre-arthritic ass towards the slopes. Warm yourself to some European techno and motorboat some titties (for a fee of course!) in the parking lot champagne room. If motorboating titties isn’t your thing, kick back, have a nice cocoa and watch one of our lovely ladies wax your snowboard in her birthday suit.
The strip club buffet has always tasted like day old, sweaty balls. Resort food is bland and absurdly over priced. We will have none of that malarkey at StripperMountain. Instead, we will implement the strip club buffet of the future. Chicken Wings, Funyuns, Oyster’s, Poor Boy Sandwiches, Ganja Smoothies, In N Out Cheeseburgers, Pom Wonderful beverages, Mountain Dew and craft beers – this shit will flow plentifully around a circular shaped, moving bar, where hot babes will derobe and dance naked in the middle of all of this for you. Heck, they will dry hump your ass for a good deal before you head back out to the park to stomp some tricks in the park.
At Stripper Mountain the strippers will prime the ramp to a perfect consistency for your snowboard to glide across on, check your lift ticket with a smile, wipe down your chair, sometimes speed up and/or slow down the chair for Joey’s, all the while being topless, in a thong, with furry ass ugg boots on to her ankles practically, wearing one of those Russian style hats. Rain or shine. You’re riding powder at Stripper Mountain? Our strippers will greet you nude with a smile ready to assist your needs in boarding the chair lift and beyond.
Your jumps, rails, boxes and halfpipes all get groomed (the pipe will be hand shaped in the nude) by strippers who shovel your take offs clean and aren’t afraid to help you roll a blunt and/or spliff on the side or give you the best lap dance of your life for twenty bucks. Would you ever be bummed to have to wait an extra 5 minutes for a beautiful sweet stripper to shovel and salt a ramp for ya? A girl in a thong racking the ramp? Come to Stripper Mountain. Get ready to bump and grind!
Here’s where StripperÂ MountainÂ has them all beat – comprehensive one on one attention from not only a topless chick in a thong who rips, but who will bump and grind you on the chair lift, maybe let you play with her titties if you’re real lucky and will let you play ass grab all the way down Stripper Mountain’s first in the world and premiere one of a kind all nude bunny slope. Nude Chinese Downhill at 4PM? See ya there, dude!
Have you been to Amsterdam and seen the prostitutes in the windows? That’s pretty much the ticket booths at Stripper Mountain. Step right up and get ready for a day of blissful shredding and strippers galore. Relax, you’ve earned it. Try to tuck your boner away and get ready to shred your brains out, ya maniac.
Imagine being pursued by a bunch of naked hot babes, James Bond style, all on ski’s, holding Uzi’s, chasing you down a mogul field. That’s pretty much how badass Stripper MountainÂ Ski Patrol is, but minus the mogul fields and life threatening Uzi’s. That said, these stripper Ski Patrollers are hard, hot as shit, fully nude and ready to assist your sprains, concussions and compound fractures you receive while getting rad at Stripper Mountain. Sometimes shit happens, but just take a shot of Jaeger, lay back and let our hot babes jiggle their titties in your face and everything will be all good (if you have insurance).
Stripper Mountain team: (but not limited to and/or subject to change without notice): Boozy the clown, Stephen Duke, Kevin Backstrom, Zander Blackmon, Nate Bozung, Eiki Helgason, Halldor Helgason, Kevin Jones, Danny Kass, Scotty Lago, Tor Lundstrom, Shaun Palmer, Corey Smith, Shaun White
Stripper Mountain is available for : Bachelor parties, birthday parties, swingers, corporate retreats, youth groups and male nude revue (What? You thought we forgot about the ladies?)
Stripper Mountain needs your help, though! We’ve got many great resorts that are being run into the ground, sitting idle, sitting in a state of disrepair and/or run by a bunch of corporate douche bags who are ruining are sacred activity. There are resorts lying empty and barren across the land. The lifts aren’t spinning. We can change that. A Stripper Mountain in every state! The recession has left millions of beautiful strippers homeless and they need work and just want to shred, too. Our impoverished mountain communities need a reason to go on. The mountain towns are desperate for a sign of hope. Where should we build the next Stripper Mountain? One by one – one stripper, snowboarder, boyfriend of a stripper/snowboarder, dedicated Yobeat readers, Internet trolls, together we can make the world snowboard community a better place. We can build our Stripper Mountain. It’s just going to take a few more lap dances.
Jess Kimura has had a hell of a year. She won all the awards at that the Transworld Grammy’s and none from Yobeat, but she’s ok with that. Either way, Jess has proven that she’s a force to be reckoned with, a new breed of female rider, part beast, part talent, pure determination. Whether she’s bleeding, smoking, farting or doing chin-ups in her shed you can be damned sure of one thing, Jess is going to be a legend, has bigger balls than you and will have one hell of a part after this Winter. With that in mind, we decided to jump on board the golden girl and ask questions at random.
Are you ready for a Quickie?
You’re officially snowboarding’s “it girl” or woman, how are you handling that?
Yeah well I’m surprised you are interviewing me, since you hate everything “it”. Â I’m trying to handle it the best I can, didn’t expect things to get this big, that’s for sure.
So what’s next? Take the year off to make reality TV appearances and do photo shoots for ESPN?
No fucking way dude. Not a lot of people get this opportunity, to be heard and to make an impact through their riding. I’m not going to waste it on a fake modeling career.
Are you filming for anything?
Yeah, I’m filming for the Nike movie and for a web series on Transworld, your favorite friends. Oh, and I always got some filming love for Peepshow.
Are you still making film crews cringe with your patented near death slams?
Oh man, if you would have seen how bloody my face was last night. Well I guess the answer is yes, absolutely. It’s not like I’m trying to do that, I don’t want that to be my trademark. It just comes with the territory. That’s what I tell myself when I’m face down bleeding and crying in the snow.
What happened last night?
We were hitting a rail/closeout thing. I got in the zone and was landing my tricks like, second or third try. I was so stoked ‘cause things were really going good. Then the genny ran out of gas, the boys went to get more gas, I got cold, the gatekeeper tried to kick us out, I felt super rushed and dropped in again. Worst case scenario on my first hit and even worse on my second, smashed my face, bled everywhere, spit blood on Dykeboy’s lens and called it quits for the night.
Did Dykeboy get turned on by all the blood?
No cause I think we were both bleeding, if ya’ know what I mean.
Rumor has it you had a pretty great quote during your acceptance speech about girls and their legs, what was it?
Um, I just thanked the other girls I was nominated alongside for giving girls something better to do with their legs than wrapping them around a brass pole, something to that effect. I look up to those riders a lot and I do think it’s important to give little girls something better to look towards to than makeup and baby making.
Are you not a fan of strippers and strip clubs?
Strippers are definitely entertaining, but I guess I’m just glad it’s not me on stage.
Do you think being a good snowboarder would help you be a good stripper?
Nah, I think it would look wack, ‘cause the general style we have snowboarding does not transfer well to good dancing style. I mean look at Louie Vito. I’d probably end up farting on people while I gave them lap dances.
Your board sponsors slogan is, “We devour everything.” If a guy dropped his pants and said, “Devour this!” What would you do?
Fuck, I think I would just laugh, or face push him, or both.
How much of last season were you injured?
I’d say a solid 70%. November, December, January I was out, shredded for a week before being back on the couch for Febuary, came back in March and a week later tore my MCL in my knee. Two months of mental torture passed before I met up with Dangler and scratched and clawed my way to finishing my part,but I made it up to my soul by riding every day this summer.
Are you healthy this year?
Yeah I am. I mean I had an incident before Xmas where I ended up in the hospital in Mammoth but I’m all good now. I was actually physically ready for the season this year. I built a gym in my shed so I could smoke and do chin-ups at the same time.
Women’s snowboarding is in a state of flux, what’s the best part of having a vagina these days?
I think it’s the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. As a girl, I think many people expect me to be bad at things or to fail in a way that they can laugh at.Â I see it as a huge opportunity to be a part of progressing something. If I was a guy there is no way I could keep up with that level. There are so many things that haven’t been done yet by girls, I almost see it as a separate thing from boy snowboarding. It’s hard to relate to guys but it’s easy to relate to girls so I’m just trying to bring some hope to the big picture. If you had a box you would know what I mean.
What’s the worst part about having a vagina?
Bleeding once a month and over thinking everything. Oh, and being targeted by greasy dicks.
Are you as rugged in bed as your are on a snowboard, or are you a cute and cuddly girl behind closed doors?
That’s the last thing I want people to think about. I would rather people be disgusted by thinking about it so just go to cakefarts.com and be done with it.
There are a lot of rumors floating around that girls don’t poop. True or false?
What goes in must come out right? I eat a lot of fruit so I bet I lay more turds in a day than you do in a week. I can’t speak for the others, except for Desiree [Melancon]Â she definitely poops.
How do you react to people giving you shit? Â
I just try to look at the big picture, what the end result will be. They might think I’m a kook in that moment, or a loser or a shitty snowboarder, or whatever but if you get caught up in that shit it can destroy you.Â I try to react with actions, trying to convince people with words doesn’t work as well. If people want to pigeonhole me into being a lame girl snowboarding I’ll fucking show them whats up.
With your fists? Would you drag them into your shed?
Yeah, drag ‘em into my shed and then fist them.
These are the companies making money off of Jess and grinning from ear to ear that they were smart enough to sign her:Â Volcom, CAPiTA, Nike, Electric, Monster, Union, Coal, and Celtek.
If you haven’t seen her full part from Defenders of Awesome, then do it now, CLICK HERE.Â
SIA used to be a special place. A place of death and destruction and amazing feats of debauchery. It was where legends were made, where rumors were created and where riders gained infamy. But, now it’s in Denver and that sucks, so I showed up late. By the time I showed up to SIA everyone had already enjoyed a long brodown on the tradeshow floor. Beers had been drunk. Party addresses had been passed around. The air reeked of possibility, potential and probably jail time. Sure, we were in Denver, but maybe this year would be different, maybe this year would be fun. Brooke Geery looked like she was down for a good time, and the largest gathering of Yobeat employees to date triggered a frenzy of energy inside my skull. So, I started shooting photos.
Ran into Yobeat’s best marketing dude to date. Way better than the last one that Snowboarder Mag stole from us. Just look at how easily he figures out how to get friends into parties.
Night one started at the crap hole Jonas Bros bar/loft/hookah lounge. There were more rooms, more balconies and more speakers than anyone could have asked for. Most of the bars were for VIP gold wrist band owners only. However, cute girls were everywhere and drinking with old friends helped create a pleasant, if not wild vibe.
Laura Austin couldn’t resist blowing off work. That’s what I call using a film camera. Because the process of taking it to the store, having the film developed, waiting, and eventually scanning the photos isn’t exactly aligned with the speed of the “gimme gimme” internet audience.
The bartenders must have been temp hires from the strip club down the road. Why else would, “Hey, we’ll take shots with you for free!” work?
You should see the out of focus stuff, or maybe not. Check out that leg tat…
Diamond Cabaret was the place. From 11 to 4AM that’s where you found anyone worth seeing. That included biker gangs, tons of wheelchair-riding-ass-slapping badasses and hundreds of snowboard folk. Kid wonder Danimals even got a shower there. The club was nice enough to let him borrow a swim suit. Gross, right?
The next morning we dove head first into the show. With hangovers, hunger and excitement pulsing through our veins and out our pores we hustled to make meetings, sneak beers and eat stupidly expensive stuff. I ran into Billy Mackey almost immediately. He had a really sweet new button and smelled like dead bums covered in the shit of other dead bums.
Finding the best booth is always a challenge. Is it where your friends are? Do you have friends? Is there beer? How about friends, beer and free tattoos? Yeah, Arnette killed it this year thanks to Robbie Sell, but I’ve gotta say, Capita was the place for happy hour fun.
I can be a really big asshole. Only an asshole walks into a trade show (where millions are coughing, sneezing and puking) and heads directly to the tattoo artist (while truly hungover) and says, “Oh, fuck, hmm, well how about a giant lightning bolt on the back of my arm.” Robbie told me it was safe though, so, well, it’s only forever…
Nike Snowboarding had a big beautiful booth. Isn’t that shocking? Anyway, they have a whole new line out and are spending trillions figuring out just how to revolutionize retro. Basically, Nike is so good at what they do, they can make you like shit they decided was too dumb to keep making 20 years ago. Honestly though, they have the most comfortable boots in the game. Prove me wrong, you can’t.
Out of all the Collabo projects this year my total favorite was Nike + Marlboro. Where can I get the sticker?
Back at the strip club I met a non-stripper who seemed to know me. If you’re reading this, I forget your name, but thanks for the memories. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Bring us two shots of your most expensive whiskey” so many times in one night. Yobeat could never afford $25 dollar shots, so I’m glad this beautiful stranger could.
Shayboarder wrecked the strip club by night and her neck by day. Here is a shot of her brand new, Arnette booth-approved, Craig Kelly-inspired neck piece. Shay couldn’t have been more stoked that a guy’s trail is permanently on her neck. I hope badass Shay comes out more often. Maybe she’ll get Shaun White busting a move in or around her vagina next. Would that make her an honorary fire crotch?
Someone’s Mom passed out by an ashtray. SIA is for the young.
The new Capita stuff is great. Considering board graphics mean more to teenagers than grades, family or health these days, I don’t see why anyone would ride anything else. You just look cooler on a Capita.
Wanna’ prove you don’t care? That you’re just boarding because you love it? That powder is your mistress and tree runs are your bitch? Grab the new Mid-Life Zero. It looks like something Scotty Wittlake would have rode.
Almost got that tattoo. So glad I didn’t.
All of a sudden Ashbury announced the new Videograss teaser would be playing at 2PM. People freaked. A crowd gathered. Dinosaurs Will Die’s Sean Genovese and Dang Shade’s Jesse Burtner got their sad faces on knowing Think Thank didn’t draw this kind of crowd.
Lance Hakker was the only Ashbury owner to show up. Nima was in Vegas and Mike was somewhere playing with crayons. Anyway, Lance told everyone they would be showing three teasers: Keep the Change, that other VG movie and then Justin Meyer’s newest flick “The Darkside.” Keep the Change has my new favorite song in it and Nick Dirks is still getting drunk.
Chris Brewster got a Dinosaurs Will Die tattoo because he’s on their team now. Look at how focused they all are.
Robbie Sell wore this shirt during the day, then I saw it on Stephen Duke later that night. That’s all I know.
Attention girls, the jailbird look is in, and we love it.
Greg aka Rumorator got wicked all weekend. He taught us how to be married and not want to slit your wrists, how to smoke in cabs even when the cabbie is screaming at you, the secret to getting old and how to remain cool, calm and collected even when really gnarly, totally not OK stuff happens to you.
Nike threw a party. Here’s Austin Will being allowed the privilege of posing with his boss’s boss’s boss’s boss. This party was fun, except the smoke machines were on full tilt for hours and I’m pretty sure it gave everyone cancer.
Kendra from Ride was partying on another level and totally unaware that little boys were stealing her drinks all night.
Josh Parker’s tattoo partially showed up. He doesn’t own shirts with actual necks because 2004 told him not to. So if you see Parker, you get to see part of his tattoo and plenty of groomed chest hair too. It’s basically a double whammy we like to call, “The Tahoe Treat.”
See, here’s Stephen Duke that night, with the same shirt Robbie had on that day. My mind was blown, but that’s not important, what is is that Stephen Duke should be everyone’s favorite guy.
Chris Prosser, aka the guy that started Atmosphere, was there. He’s been living in some guido place in New York. Obviously he’s using his new Jersey Shore moves on this young lady.
Andrew Brewer, ladies and gentleman.
Johnny Lazz threw a party accidentally. A lot of people in this hotel did.
Oops, someone smoked in the elevator, hallway and hotel room causing an alarm that literally said, “ATTENTION, THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS ON THEIR WAY. ATTENTION, THERE IS A FIRE.” Then some angry hotel employee started pounding on doors and some of us were evacuated. In the end we saw a bunch of firemen strap on gas tanks and rush into the building to battle the fierce terror that is wafting second hand smoke.
While it’s never funny to cost taxpayers lots and lots of money by wasting the fire department’s time, it is hilarious to find out the kid that caused the whole damn mess is already wearing an ankle monitoring device. We weren’t sure how he wasn’t thrown into the slammer, but everything seemed good and he told us not to worry about it.
By 7AM Sunday morning Denver seemed relatively quiet. Many had left, for ISPO or home, while others slept awaiting a busy day of packing booths or traveling the globe. Because I had no idea how to get to the airport, why I had to pay for it or why I would ever go back to Chicago I decided to just sit, kick back and catch up with Marie Hucal until it was finally time to tell Denver to fuck off once again.
Tahoe looks fun, these guys rip, shaky hands are the new cool. Enjoy this little edit by the Nice Life Crew.
Last weekendish the Dew Tour stopped in Snowbasin, Utah. While most folks partied in SLC or over at the DC Mountain Lab some stuck it out close to the hill in good ol’ Ogden. In the four days we were there a few bars actually ran dry of various popular beverages, a strip club has been forever altered and one old man is now blind in his left eye. Here are someÂ out takesÂ and random photos captured during the stop.Â
Ride Team Manager Matt Sickles got to use a cigarette vending machine. It sold outdated cigs’, in soft packages, for lots of money. The smokers among us couldn’t have been happier.Â
This chick was hired to dance at an after-party. I know, I thought it was funny too.Â
Ogden’s finest couple came out to party with the pro dudes.Â
Of course strip clubs have Yobeat napkins. What else would you expect.Â
Up in ‘da club.
Brandon Reis passed out after drinking in Utah. No, that wasn’t a joke, he actually passed out drinking in Utah. For this act he got icy hot on his balls. See that green goo? That’s the stuff…
Added pressure makes icy hot more effective.Â
Megan Ginter posed. I swear it.Â
Mmm… Dew money…
Peace, thumbs up, cheers. People do weird stuff in front of the camera.Â
This is Dirty. He once had Blink 182 or something dare him $35,000 to tattoo dicks all over his arm and end it with “The Snake Pit” on his wrist.Â
Danny Davis getting set to drop.Â
As Nima Jalali would say, this isn’t mother approved.
It’s five in the morning and Laurent, Jan the filmer, Jonas, a stripper, and a few friends are crowded around a flat screen television while Ben Bilocq is snoozing in the corner. Where are we? Portland, Oregon. Who let us in here? Darrell Mathes, and his sleepy smile shows he isn’t disturbed by the piles of beer cans, loud music, or the beautiful and heavily tattooed stripper.
We arrived here after heavy drinking, long walks, and the most amazing display of nude dancing any of these boys have ever experienced. Our reason for joining at this moment is simple, watch Videograss, have a private world premiere, see how the years most anticipated film finally turned out.
Watching this flick I’ve noticed a few things. These guys love to have fun, and love to snowboard. The movie is a combination of great riding, random moments, and unbelievable editing that may just leave the competitors in the dust. Justin Meyer brought something to snowboarding that hasn’t been around for a while, snowboarding. No dollys, hardly any slow-mo bullshit, and a soundtrack and shot selection that truly matches the riders. The movie is focused on the snowboarders, not the filmers. Feelings will be hurt by this movie. Justin clearly poked fun at a rider or two, and you’ll know exactly what that means when you buy a copy. But whatever, that was the point, just make a movie and make it enjoyable. A proper review will be in the works soon.
Before this event the six of us hit the town, four of us with beer cases for helmets, and one group member just shy of the 21 year-old mark. No problem, skip the bars that won’t let him in, film a few long jumps over the local homeless population, and end up meeting a mohawk wearing, tattoo having, beautiful stripper once the bars close down.
While Ben and Darrell slept Jan, the Jordans, Will, Laurent, and Jonas toured the town in costume.
Being a group heavily entertained by heavy metal it was only natural for us to hop into this ladies van and head to a party we overheard the location of. Metal blasted, the van rocked, and Laurent and Jonas broke everything within reach.
Eventually we ended up at the party. The host neverÂ expectedÂ us, let alone with a half naked stripper ready to show her tits on a dime’s notice. But we showed, and we had a great time. An impromptu lap dance for a make believe birthday kept the party fun until the cops decided to show up. Now that the mood had been mellowed we left. We then welcomed the stripper into our gang and headed back to our current location. The night continued, the antics kept us up, and Videograss rolled in the background.
Rock ‘n Roll van.
Jan had no words on his role in the film, except that he was cold most of the winter. Jonas couldn’t be bothered to comment on much of anything because Family Guy lyrics wouldn’t stop pouring out of his mouth. Laurent had one thing to say about the film, “It’s not quite a boner, it’s just the tip of your dick that’s hard. Ya know, a chubby. No wait, it’s a boner.”
An actual movie review will happen sooner or later, but for now, just get excited. This flick has a definite attitude about it. Each part has a special quality unique to the rider. Some boys have longer, more trick oriented parts, some girls get a brutal lesson, and a part or two will keep you laughing and wishing you could be on your board. So there ya’ have it, Videograss is a hit, and as Laurent would say, a total boner.
Check out pictures from the public premiere here.
The Sapphire is the most impressive strip club I’ve never been allowed into. Sitting on the curb, miles from my hotel, I decided to hoof it home at 3:30 in the morning. After further review, it was a bad choice, but it made for a great story.
As I left the parking lot a cab pulled up, “…you’re in a bad part of town, you should get in.”
“No way amigo, I’m broke and I could use the exercise.” Taxi Guy, “No, really kid, it’s dangerous around here, this is where (some famous guy) got jumped, people get hurt out here.”
I walked on anyway, he wouldn’t give me a free ride, and it didn’t look so bad. A block later I realized that guy was right. I was miles from my room and the only lights within a mile were neon signs promising rub downs and special company. I had never seen such a cluster of “gentleman’s spas”Â in my life, but I had no other option, I was trekking into the worst of what sin city has to offer.
Another block and a big, swift walking, man took me by the arm and lead to into a dark room where two women huddled around a heater. “Hey big fella, would you like an athletic massage? Maybe a sauna treatment?” I wasn’t amused, paying for whatever they were offering would never be worth the herpes, AIDS, or whatever I would have picked up. But I was already in there, and I figured a quick Q&A would be better than going back into the cold.
I cracked a few jokes about the dangers of their occupation. One too many jokes and things started to get ugly. How should I know that calling their athletic massage an “undercover hand-job” would get everyone up in arms? Either way, after insulting the girls a few times the manager/pimp had had enough and I found myself back on the curb.
“Want an athletic massage?”-Employee at the Gentleman’s Spa (art Nick Lipton)
Luckily for me another cabbie drove up, “Hey, you lookin’ for women?” “No man, not really, thanks though.” Cab Guy, “What do you like?” “I dunno, In-n-Out Burger.” Cab Guy, “How about Russian women, you like them?” “I don’t think you get it man, I’m just trying to get home.” He really didn’t get it, and I don’t blame him, here I am sitting on this curb in front of an undercover whorehouse. His next question was a bit of a shocker. “Well man, how about young ones? We got 14 year olds…”Â No dice, I decided to walk away quickly.
The walk turned cold, if a pimp wasn’t hustling me, I was hiding my wallet from the locals. I needed a break, so I popped into the next strip club I could find. It was a good place to catch my breath, but once again the Gods were against me.
V.I.P. treatment! At 5 a.m. I was the only customer so all eyes were on me. I noticed Vegas strippers are cute, cute but deadly. Within two minutes a girl came to sit with me. Trixie Lollipop or whatever was real pleasant, “Hey good looking. You want a dance?” I hate that. No, I don’t want to pay you to sit in front of me naked, it’s boring, please leave. Can’t I just sit in a strip club for a minute? She was a real business woman though, “Well how about this sugar, for 400 bucks I’ll take you back there and fuck you.” Instead of paying her a king’s ransom to do things in a seedy booth I struck up a conversation. I learned that she had a kid, and that she could make her butt hole “breath.” I told her that with all the money she was bringing in she should set up a college fund for her little one. I explained federally insured savings systems and the benefits of giving a kid options. The stripper really appreciated it. I gave her knuckles and left. I wouldn’tÂ go for the open hand slap, would you?
Back on the street it was time to find the strip. I broke into a half-assed power walk and chain smoked hoping to look tough. I have a feeling that I looked more like a male hooker walking around in a fedora and tight pants at 6 a.m.
Once on the strip I started feeling dandy. Two nice girls even offered me a ride home. I rolled the dice by getting in the car, oops, snake eyes. The girls were nice enough for the first five seconds of the trip, but then they swerved off the road and headed north. The driver looked back to reassure me, “Hey baby we just gun’ pick up a bit o’ gas aight. You’ll help us out wit da money right?” Damn, dooped again. Here I am trying to get home and these two girls are trying to hustle up money that doesn’t exist. The girl not driving gave me the pleasure of sitting in the back seat with her. She made sure to transition from shotgun to the backseat awkwardly, rubbing her ass on the drivers face in the process. Oh the arousal, nothing like a pock marked ass smearing some makeup, I scooted closer to the window.
Honestly more visually appealing than the actual event… (art Nick Lipton)
Looking down, my feet were resting on baby clothes, my heart sunk, but the backseat hooker had my back, “Hey baby I just want to touch ya dick a little bit, dat ok?” “Uh, no, that’s cool, I’m just trying to get home.” Hookers in unison, “What? You don’t like getting ya dick played with.” “Yep, you got me pegged, think we could get back to dropping me off now?” Backseat Hooker, “Baby let’s just go to your room, you’re being rude in here.” “Nope, fuck that, my boss is asleep in there and she’d be so bummed if I brought back two hookers.” Upset Hookers in unison, “WHAT! We ain’t no hookers, and don’t you swear at us.” Are you serious? Don’t swear at us? How about let me out of the car, don’t try to get in my pants, or maybe clean up your baby clothes.
“Uh, you’re for sure hookers, we are driving into a gas station parking lot, and you’re trying to get in my pants before taking me home.” I guess their cover was blown, but like real pros they held onto a good hustle.
Backseat Hooker, “Listen baby why don’t you go inside and get 20 bucks, you gotta get it out of the ATM so I know it’s real dollars, then I’ll get some condoms, and we’ll head back.” I knew I was screwed at this point, but I had to deal with the situation until the car stopped and the doors unlocked. She had one last offer that she thought would really stick as we parked. “I’m just gunna suck ya dick a little bit, come on baby, just go get the money real fast.” “Uh, what do we need condoms for? You’re supposed to just drop me off, this is bullshit, I didn’t sign up for this.” The car stopped and I got out with the backseat baggage. I took two steps towards the store but the hooker had me beat, she was already waving freshly purchased condoms in my face. A stroke of genius came over me, “Psych!” and I ran off towards the bold beautiful lights of the Vegas strip.
An hour later I was back at Excalibur, sitting in the shower. I had to get the baby clothes smell off me after all. A few moments later, I was in bed, under the covers, and falling into a deep and deserved sleep. After three hours of beauty rest I was back on the trade-show floor, shaking hands and drinking Vitamin Water by the bucket load.