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Last Resort With Stan – September 2017 – Now With Full Credits in Text Form!

Last Resort with Stan was written, edited, filmed and hosted by Justin/Stanley Leveille.
Last Resort is a project presented by Lobster Snowboards, though the views on this show do not necessarily express those of anyone at the company.

Any angry emails should be directed to zacharynigrorepresents.com

Camera Man: The bookshelf and the tripod has been getting all the credit

Friends skit Idea: lucy

Transworld = Snowboarder
Snowboarder = Transworld
Yobeat = Better than ever.

DELIVERY DAN: not pictured in this show – yet… and probably ever. cus that character sucks

Red White and who: A concept that’s far ahead of it’s time

Special Note:
Holy mother freaking heck nuts batman. I really went all in on this one if I do say so myslef. Episode was 12 minutes long, chopped 2 minutes out and accidentally deleted a hilarious scotty lago skit. I will figure it out.

Last Resort Support staff: Chelsea Bailey, Pan Bailey, The Catfish, Diggles, kristopher, Haldor, Mama Bailey,Ralph, Zach Dayson, Dr. B, Marcus, Eiki, Erik Leon, Uncle Russ, Cale, Eva, Lucy

Wardrobe Consultant: Pam Rand


Special Thanks

Shouts to sanity tokens, shout out vermont comedy, shout out making it to the finals of vermont’s funniest comedian, shout out getting booked for 6 shows in the next two months. shout out to that barrio gift card I gave carl. I hope he findsa job soon. special thanks to Kyle K for that SIAdata – skit coming soon. No thanks to the homie who sold me the worst bag of weed i’ve seen since highschool. that bag of weed almost singlehandedly made this episode unmakeable.
Shout out everyone who has supported me over the last crazy few weeks. Specifically Chelsea for keeping me alive while I’m moving 1,000 miles a minute.

Shouts to Mitsta Mitstitsta, Barrio for keeping me stocked on caffeine and pastries, the new “save” feature on instagram and Facebook, the people that hit me up with good ideas, Cini Aloombini, The lake placid alligator reference in the Joey B skit that no one got FIVE EPISODES AGO, Luce, BEANSTALK, ICKS Yawgoons, Sugarbush, Union Bindings, Mervin, Deelux boots, SPLINTERS, My internet provider who almost busted me on illegally downloading life of pablo, MAH AND PAH, Milo, Poulin for just god damn existing, Erik Leon, Brandon Cocard, Forest Bailey, Nigro, Nigro’s neighbor if you are reading this I ate all the bacon and could use more. Mountain farm for life.= YO LET’S GIT THIS MONEY$$$$$$$$$

And of course, special thanks to Yobeat for giving me my start and teaching me everything I know.

Ok we added that last part ourselves… xoxo- Yobeat.

An Open Letter to Jake and Donna Burton Carpenter

yobeatmail

The following letter arrived at the Yobeat Home Offices today. It was sent anonymously, and from the postage mark appears to be mailed from Portland, Oregon and not Burlington, Vermont. Regardless, it has no shortage of valid points, so we’ve decided to publish it in full. Since half of Portland is ex-Burton staff, it’s not a surprising origin, however we personally have no idea who wrote it. The transcribed version includes a few grammatical tweaks, but is basically the same as the below image.

letter

Dear Jake and Donna,

There is a growing group of voices gaining volume and strength and it’s time to listen. We’re here to tell you what no one else will. There is a poison inside your company that has driven away countless amazing employees, derailed years of financial success and threatens the core structure and business you have spent an entire lifetime building. All you have to do is look at all the amazing people who have left your organization and what they have accomplished to see all the amazing talent you have lost.

You have two senior “leaders” working for you that have undermined you, your company, and the entire snowboarding industry for close to 15 years. The damage is deepening, and unless you take action soon, the situation will go from bad to dire.

They don’t snowboard, flaunt their wealth in the face of your modestly compensated organization, lead by intimidation and fear, and pursue countless failed projects under the guide of “being core” and “building a lifestyle business,” which benefits no one besides themselves.

Everything they do is to further their own personal agenda and undermine you. There is an old trope in the industry that these people must have some horrendous dirt on you or they would have been walked out the door a long time ago. We don’t believe that, we just believe they have deceived you in plain sight. One of the greatest cons in the history of action sports is going on right inside 80 Industrial Ave. It seems to be obvious to every person in the company and the industry as a whole. We hope you will finally see this for yourselves and make the right decision for your amazing company and the dedicated people that work for you.

Some obvious examples:

  • Open Drug use: One of these people allegedly drinks and does drugs in the office, and openly promotes drug use on social media.
  • Financial Mismanagement: Multiple reports of a party they threw at the US Open, where damage at a rented condo of over $150,000, was billed back to Burton.
  • ‘In’ or ‘Out’ Leadership: People who party with them are ‘in’ and those who don’t are ‘out.’ The ‘out’ people are routinely demoted, marginalized or fired at will. Those that actually have a real legal complaint against them have been swept under the rug with NDA’s and payouts.
  • Coachella. One of the dozens of pointless marketing initiatives that have moved Burton further and further away from its core business. These moves have cost Burton millions of dollars, yet have only fueled this duo’s vanity and ego. Have any of these programs been successful or moved the needle for your brand?
  • Failed Collaborations: How many “cool guy” product collabs have failed over the years and who lead them?
  • Internal facts: An “anonymous” HR survey from two years ago was conducted where employees were afraid to answer honestly for fear of retribution from these two people. When asked offline, the number one problem inside Burton given: “These two people are the single biggest reason Burton is failing.”
  • Entourage Syndrome: Their lifestyle has enabled your own vices under the guise of staying core. When you surround yourself by these people you are distanced from the reality on the ground. They only give you information you want to hear by distracting you with “coolness.”

What is at risk?

  • Industry leadership: Jake and Donna, you created an entire movement and an industry. Not many people in the world can make that claim. Burton shrinking and/or imploding threatens the entire snowboarding industry.
  • Employee Livelihood: As one of the largest employers and economic drivers in Vermont and Burlington, Burton is massively important. The ripple effct of losing your jobs in Vermont would be felt by many businesses and other industries.
  • Your personal health: It is obvious that there has been a physical and psychological toll on both of you, and your family.

All of these things make it harder to recruit and retain top talent and will continue to undermine success and profits. Profitability and growth is not only nice, it’s mandatory to keep any company going in the right direction.

Your challenge is to make the change the no one inside your company has had the guts to do. Not previous presidents, not the current CEO, not anyone, because these two people are “untouchable” inside Burton. Only you, Jake and Donna, can make this change, and the time is now. They are ruining your brand, threatening your loyal employees and putting your health at risk.

Get rid of these people immediately. They don’t care about snowboarding, or you. It’s obvious and has been for years. You will see an immediate improvement in morale and productivity the second they are walked out the door.

Sincerely,

Snowboarding

 

Lipton’s Real Snow Breakdown

Remember when you started snowboarding? When it was a simple joy and any and all obstacles in your way were not only objects to master but also held the power to blow your mind? We do too, and that’s why we think it’s odd that ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports, has decided what’s “real” in snowboarding. Sorry pipe jocks and slope bros, but you’re just energy drink guzzling sky dancers now. How do we know? Uh, the Real Snow contest, duh. Now in it’s second year, we’re still not sold on the concept, but damn, with a lack of snow, these dudes have really been putting in work. Here’s our thoughts.

Dan Brisse (watch it)

Can you believe it? Dan Brisse went all huge again. What’s rad about this is the old elite have once again been put to the test to save their careers, but, I really don’t care about most of these shots. What I do love though is the opener, and the wall slam revert thing.

Will he win? Maybe, the mainstream like seeing dudes go fucking huge, and didn’t he win last year?

Louif Paradis (Watch it)

I bet the motocross crowd and pipe-moms are going to glaze over the fact that Louif’s part is completely fucked. My favorite shot in this entire circus has to be the wall ride back lip. I mean, that’s just not safe.

Will he win? Probably not, unless actual snowboarders are voting.

Jed Anderson (watch it)

With a weird mix of death defying gaps and enough, “Fuck you.” ‘tude to make Mom worry, Jed’s doing just fine. The big question remains though, where are these guys finding snow?

Will he win? If the youth vote comes in he just might. Word is he’s crazy popular among the children.

Pat Moore (watch it)

Pat Moore is probably the world’s most underrated rider. Sure, he’s rich. Yeah, he’s fucking big time. But look at his never ending level of creativity, balls and skill. Who 270s 60 feet to a rail a story or two above them?

Will he win? I don’t know if he has the “crazy” factor Brisse gets simply by association, but he’s going to make any and all onlookers feel like wimps for sure.

Nick Sauve (watch it)

This is one of those, “Check how extreme we are, bro,” moments. Total bummer he got hurt, but, this is some big deal contest that defines the very definition of “real” snowboarding. Michael Jordan didn’t win championships by getting hurt, why is this vid even in the running?

Will he win? Um, no.

Halldor Helgasson (watch it)

This kid continues to crack me up. He’s a glutton for punishment, a total weirdo and obviously talented beyond belief. Oh, and the blunt on the double kinked curve rail is probably one of the harder things I’ve seen in my day.

Will he win? Well, the “mainstream” loves him and he did the double cork, but I doubt it.

Bode Merrill (watch it)

Let’s be honest here, Bode’s at his best when surrounded by powder and massive jumps. That’s not to say he’s not still ridiculous in the street, did you notice that one-footed thing? Most people can’t slide that ledge let alone blast half cocked into it.

Will he win? Dude doubled, one-footed and went “big”. He’ll be a contender for sure.

Scott Stevens (watch it)

Like Louif and Jed, Scott’s got the whole unique thing going for him. Will the mainstream get that what Scott’s doing is fucking one of a kind? Obviously not. Will they think the foot slide on ice is sweet? Duh. Will they care about the mini features? No, they will probably hate that.

Will he win? Eh, probably not, but that’s ok.

If you want to vote and help one of these dudes win 50k, you can do so here. If you just want to watch all the videos in one place, we posted them here.

Intern Austin’s Opus

We’ve had a few interns here at Yobeat and believe it or not, some have gone on to real greatness. But with any unpaid job, it can’t go on forever, and as of Monday, Intern Austin has moved on with his life. Before he went though, we asked him to write one last piece about the saga that was his Yobeat internship. When it arrived in our inbox, we realized he’d left out a few key details, so we added them for him, in bold. Good luck in Brooklyn, Austin!

July 28. Sends me cold email reading:

I’ve been loving YOBEAT for a while now, and was wondering how you go about selecting your interns…

I would love to apply for the position when one opens up, but wasn’t able to find anything about jobs on the site.

Any advice / direction would be much appreciated.

Later that day. I respond, asking why the fuck I should hire him. He sends me a long, but mildly amusing email about himself and how he has an economics degree and wants to get into the snowboard industry. As the busy season is rapidly approaching, I am in need of an intern. I notice he lives near Chicago and suggest he meets up with Lipton for an official interview.

July 31. Emails to say he will call Lipton. It takes him several days to do so. Claims he will ride his bike through two of Chicago’s gnarliest ghettos to get to the interview. Lipton advises against it.

Sept. 5. Finally meets with with Nick and later told me he was unsure if he should wear a suit or not. Opts instead to bring his skateboard and younger brother. His little brother was concerned that he would not be getting paid. Nick reassures him. Lipton specifically makes it a point to put him in every fucked up situation possible, including writing emails to his current boss, hammered. It must have been a good time because once he gets to Portland, he tells the story on repeat. Anyway, he doesn’t piss of Lipton, who leaves him sleeping on a stranger’s couch with a napkin in his pocket that says, “You’re hired. Don’t blow it.”

9/9 Catch train from Chicago to L.A

9/12 Hollywood woman offers me money. Mistakes me for bum.

9/14 Catch train from L.A. to Portland. Conductor gives my seat away. Forced to sleep on floor with cardboard blanket. Mistaken for bum again.

9/15 Arrive in Portland with duct taped snowboard and garbage bag full of clothes. New boss laughs at me.

Actually, I thought it was amazing and gave him his first assignment — how to make a board bag. 

9/15 Move into Party Time Nate’s house. Find two used condoms in my room. One under bed. One on bookshelf.

9/16 Start working in YoBeat office. Meet Jared. Realize that talking is not allowed because it annoys Jared. Begin conducting all conversations through iChat, even when other person is sitting in the same room.

9/17 I decide to take him on a tour of the Portland snowboard industry, including stops at almost every brand. He is introduced to literally everyone who matters in Portland snowboarding. I tell him to make a video about it because he wants to be a “video guy” but he keeps trying to leave the camera in the car, because apparently:

Camera makes everyone I’m meeting immediately uncomfortable around me.

9/20 While at Holden, Mikey Leblanc invites me to tag along on the Videograss bus to Seattle.

9/22 Shows up at the office with beers because he is “going on a road trip.” Jared is not impressed. I take him to the Salomon office to get on the bus much like I am dropping off my kid at camp or for the first day of school. On the way…

I buy a bottle of Evan Williams for the bus. No one else will touch it. Drink it alone.

Scotty Wittlake tells him if he puts him in his video he will find him and slit his throat.

Get lost in Seattle. Piss off Brooke by calling her at 4:30 am for directions.

9/27 Brooke takes me skating. I get wrecked trying to skate tranny. Boss now feels unquestionably better than me at skateboarding, but still cannot ollie. I plan a street skating revenge.

9/29 I take him to more amazing Oregon skateparks and swimming. At this point I am pretty sure he thinks Portland is the best place on earth and I am the best boss ever. Duh.

9/30 Go back to Seattle for Capita/Think Thank premiere.

Stop at C3. Meets cool people including Blue Montgomery, Sean Tedore and George Kleckner. Get sushi lunch then go to K2, where he gets hooked up with brand new bindings because he mentions he needs some. Thanks Ryan. We drink beers at the K2 bar, then skate the K2 bowl. I am still better than him at skateboarding.

That night we watch the movies, drink free drinks on the tabs of Nike and Monster. Get way too drunk.

I tell him what to write the story about, and take all the photos. People like it.

10/1 Extremely hung over on car ride back. Make Brooke drive the whole way.

Ahem, passes out and also isn’t allowed to drive my car. I take him to get weed. We get ridiculously lost but finally arrive and he gets some weed. From here, I notice a serious drop in productivity.

10/7 Take a day trip to Seattle with Jared, tell him stories the whole way in an effort to make friends. Jared gets annoyed. Starts hating me more instead. Film Downtown Throwdown, edit video all night.

Decide I hate editing.

Decide I love editing again.

Brooke shits on my video. (I explain how the video could be better.)

Decide I hate editing.

10/20 Go to party at Instrument for the free booze. End up stealing peoples unattended tacos with Nate.

10/24 Decide to apply for food stamps.

Brooke strongly objects.

I start eating lots of tuna. Possible mercury poisoning symptoms follow.

I go to his house to tell him that while the first month of his internship was fun, it’s time to get serious and that he needs to get faster and better at everything. He tells me that he is “burnt out” and tired of looking at a computer screen all the time. I laugh.

10/25 I blow off my boyfriend and take Austin snowboarding instead. It’s above the clouds and amazing. Austin spends the first two runs complaining because his stance isn’t right. We have fun anyway.

10/26 Meet girl downtown. Drink too many margaritas on empty stomach. Discovered by Nate at 5AM with the front door wide open, no shirt on, laying in a puddle of beer and possibly piss. Did not get laid.

10/29 Get invited to San Francisco. Make twelve hour drive with Jared and Brooke. Listen to the entire Steve Jobs autobiography start to finish. Almost blow my brains out. Begin hating Apple just because the biography has a chapter for every fucking iProduct ever made. Paint pirate patch and mustache on face for Halloween.

10/30 Help film SF Downtown Throwdown with Pat Fenelon. Go to after party with Del Tron. Things are looking good. Bring extremely drunk girl back to YoBeat hotel room at 3AM (where Jared and I are sleeping, because she has to pee, not because he is going to get any) Jared hate reaches climax, he buys me a plane ticket home so he doesn’t have to drive with me.

10/31 Wash off severely smudged face paint from 10/29. Plane ride turns out to be way better than driving. Thanks Jared.

11/2 No longer allowed in Yobeat office.

Probably for the best considering he is still riding Nate’s bike with no brakes and it has started to rain. He is supposed to work from home and be online by 10 every morning. Occasionally makes it happen.

11/4 Asks me what size the images for the posts need to be, again. I explain I sent him the list on the first day of his internship.

11/9 Snowboardermag puts out its first Internview. Colleen happens to be in town so we hatch the brilliant idea to do our own version. I tell Austin to get to the office, and we film it that afternoon and Austin edits it that night. It is by far his finest work. Well, aside from this.

11/16 Asks me if I can pull any strings and to get him a Meadows Pass at the early purchase rate because he managed to miss the deadline.  I give him the media contact, assuming he will not hear back. He ends up getting a free pass to Meadows.

11/17 Get Intern lightning bolt tattoo by Nate at 4:17am. Nate instagrams tat.

Brooke calls in morning and tells me I’m dumb. Jared hate escalates to unforeseen levels.

11/18 I take him out to lunch and tell him he has a bad attitude and needs to try harder to find a paying job. Also, I suggest that we may be sick of hearing about Barcelona. He tells me “no, I have a really good attitude,” and that no one has ever found his stories annoying before.

11/23 Funds start running VERY low. Tuna now too expensive. Start the switch to 99 cent jambalaya mix. Surprisingly delicious.

11/24 Find large pile of used syringes down the street from my house

11/27 I take him and RJ on a mandatory intern shred day. I hand Austin a GoPro to film us, even though we’re snowboarding poorly and come up with the brilliant idea to do a story based on the ridiculous things RJ is saying and use the video for that. Austin makes the video, we tell him to take out some of the worst clips, he gets grumpy and says there’s no point even making it.


11/29 Turned down from the Dollar Tree. 25 dropped resumes do nothing. Realize that a college education doesn’t get you shit in Portland. The bartenders have fucking PHD’s.

Note: A college education doesn’t get you shit anywhere right now, especially when you don’t try very hard.

11/30 Get sick. Possibly malnourished.

Tells me he is taking the day off because he is sick. I say fine, but Nick gives him an assignment and tells him he works from home so he should roll over, open his computer, and write the paragraph he needs. Two days later, Nick still hasn’t seen the write up. Once it comes in, Nick completely rewrites it before letting Austin post.

12/1 Brooke gives me an ultimatum.

I tell him his internship is over December 16th, at which point he will either start getting paid or we will wish him well and send him on his way. He says, “Can we make it the 14th” as he has already booked a ticket back to Chicago for a TWO WEEK Christmas break.

Come to grips with probably getting fired.

12/2 I am back east for a week and give him a list of things to accomplish, including send 5-10 ideas on Monday (12/5) and have a review of the Grumpy Jacket he got for free from Airblaster in the grounds he would review it, done by Friday. (12/9)

12/5 Wank it.

12/7 I asks how the ideas that were due Monday are coming. He says they are coming along and will type them up from his note book. They are bad. Really bad. Austin insists they are good.

12/9 Apparently uses Nate’s chickens to finally film the jacket review. It appears on vimeo around 2 am.

12/12 Check bank account. Realize I only have $47 left.

12/12 Lipton is in town. We call him into the office to discuss his future with Yobeat. We break the news we won’t be featuring the product review. We also tell him he is no longer our intern and is now a contributor who will get paid when he produces stuff we want to use. Nick assigns him to write this story.

12/14 Emails us to thank us for the opportunity and tell us that he has taken some economics job in Brooklyn where he is focusing on paying off his loans, but still plans on writing for Yobeat, even though he won’t be snowboarding.

12/15 Get on a plane back to Chicago.

Relive all the other memories of Austin’s internship right here!