by Mary Walsh
It’s no secret that snowboarding is a sport overrun by men, in fact, it’s an understatement of hyperbolic proportions. On the hill and in the mountain town, it’s a sea of mustaches, Adam’s apples, and testosterone, and the only wait longer than the jump line is the one to buy the sole girl in town a drink at the bar. Summer at Mt Hood is no exception; it’s tough for a guy to get a girl’s attention at snowboard camp, so last week at Windells, Zak Hale thought he’d improve his odds and play host to his very own dating game. Nevermind that when MTV’s Singled Out was on television, Zak wasn’t even ten years-old, he donned a sportcoat and his nicest Monster hat and boldly put himself out there, in front of a group of love-hungry teenage campers.
So, Burton put on a dating game for the lady campers at Windells. What went down?
The event was “Win a Date with Zak Hale”. There were 18 girls, I asked them questions, and whoever answered the questions the best took steps forward. There were ten steps and whoever made it to me first, won the date.
What were some of the best answers from the competitors?
I asked the girls, “if you were going to play a song at a club, or in this case, a high school dance party, what song you would pick?” One girl said, “I Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick”. I asked another girl, “if I got hot and sweaty playing skate and I didn’t have a Monster, how would you cool me down?” She said, “I would like to take a cold shower with you.” And this is PG camp material too, so it was pretty awkward. Another girl said, “we would go to our own private river, but the sight of me in a bikini wouldn’t cool you down very much.” Those are probably the top three off my head that I can remember.
In a camp setting with young kids, parents, and Tim Windell around, how did you keep the ladies calm? Where did you draw the line on the answers?
Well, obviously I didn’t keep the ladies very calm with those answers I just explained in question number two (laughs) but, I asked Tim about a couple of the questions. If there were any dirty answers, the girls got the DQ–two steps back–so, I made sure the ladies mellowed it out a little bit. Camp’s all about having fun and this is PG: we have 8 year-old little kids around that still think that girls have cooties. I think, after last night, they have changed their mind about that.
What were the qualities you were looking for in contestants for the winner?
Well, you’re asking a 17-year old boy this question. My hormones are raging. The sluttiest girl who was going to give me the grossest answers, was probably going to step forward and win. I wasn’t going to take any lame walks on the beach, all that kind of nonsense. (laughs) Zak Hale is not a perv. I don’t know, different answers, nothing too boring, maybe a little sexual content, hidden discreetly in the answers. Classy girls. That’s pretty much the girl I wanted to win.
Do you feel that the whole experience has taught you anything about women?
(laughs) Oh, come on, I know everything. No, I’m kidding. Well, I’ve learned that you don’t need a 25 year-old girl to have fun with anymore (everyone erupts in laughter). I learned that 17 year-old girls know a lot more than I thought they did and obviously they have got an A+ in Sex Ed.
Back to the comment about the 25 year old. What?
Um, skip that question.
When you found out who the winner was, what did you guys do for her prize?
Well, we took ten steps up the stairs to the nicest ice cream parlor in town, Windells kitchen. We shared a banana split, but we didn’t eat the banana split. She shoved it in my face and I shoved it back in her face…wait that sounds really bad. She put the ice cream in my face and I put the ice cream back in her face. The real question is, where did the banana go? (laughs)
And last question, will you see this lovely lady again?
Yeah, actually, we’re on the way to the airport right now and I’m going to stop by Windells and I’m going to say bye to my boo!