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X Games Sorta-Real Review

When I caught wind of this “urban contest thing a ma’ bob” I couldn’t help get a pencil ready. From the roster to the edits, this was a botched job. Jeremy Jones has become our Sarah Palin. Simon Chamberlain, really? X Games gave the impression this was a contest for the kings of the street. The riders rarely seen under the lights, never on the TVs, but loved by the core. Well, they did the definition of a half-assed job. While our out of eight were on the money, the four out of eight should have stayed home. One rider, the only “real” rider, even managed to embarrass me by his actions. Can’t wait to see who really wins. (Check out the videos and vote HERE, but get ready for the worst commercials of ever.)

Joe Sexton:

This edit has some clout. What Joe’s riding lacks in creativity, it picks up in hammer time. Joe’s riding is awesome for one reason, he takes a bunch of stock tricks, does them properly and on some huge rails. There’s no trashcan bumps or ten stair wizardry here folks, just a kid, his snowboard and consequences. The frontboard pretzel on the “bunch o’ kink” rail, that’s a hammer, the rest, impressive as well. I’m glad he’s representing snowboarding on the grand scale in this thing, but end up giving him 4th place.

Simon Chamberlain:

Did I read on his bio that Simon is only 25 years old? How can that be? He’s already been a big name, died off, and is now making some sort of resurgence. Whatever, enough about my mind being blown by the details of his career. Here’s the breakdown; the board slide through the heavy kink rail is some man shit, it’s undeniable. Down side? The rest was fast-forward worthy. For example, the one-foot slide thing? Don’t try to be Scott Stevens? Go back to being the silky smooth guy, the one we loved before your hiatus, 7th place.

Jeremy Jones

Jeremy Jones is to snowboarding what 50 Cent is to rap, originally awesome, currently retarded and backed by Vitamin Water. Look at the two huge kink rails he gaps in this part. That is man shit. That is the riding that makes people uneasy about insulting you. But dude, get your head out of your ass. Willie Yli-Luoma did the shuv-it years ago for laughs. You can’t “revolutionize” this sport now by looking like a snowskater. I’m embarrassed by this part, your attitude and how you’re presenting snowboarding to the public. You get last place, I’d even put you behind whatever kid throws his Youtube video into the comment board.

JP Walker

Give JP Walker all the shit you want, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still super good at snowboarding. And more, he’s still super creative. Check out that McTwist on some random park rooftop. Who hasn’t dreamed of a scenario like that? Kudos for what you’re doing man, but from now, leave the moving trucks in the parking lot and never let the word “stomp” get edited into a video part again, 5th place.

Seth Hout

The slam roll of Seth Hout’s career must be epic. He just looks like that guy. Built Ford tough or whatever. Anyway, Seth has my utmost respect. He’s always been himself, and always let his riding talk to his character. Unfortunately, I think this edit is a bit weak, don’t get me wrong, it’s solid, and impressive, but plenty of kids, given the means, could make it happen. However, that banger, holy hell, that’ll shut the critics up. If we were scoring bangers only, Seth would be on the podium, but the rest of the part dragged him down in my books, 6th place.

Louif Paradis

Louif’s part is more aesthetically pleasing to me, yes, but no, that doesn’t create a bias. This is about how you ride, and if you deserve to represent “the other side of ‘boarding” to the Monday Night Football crowd. Editing aside, I’d say this is a damn good part. The creativity, smoothness and talent this kid brings to the table is top tier. His banger, is literally his banger, he is the rightful owner of that twisty move. I wish there was a bit more energy to this part, but that’s not Louif’s style, I’m going to break the rules, break the medals, and have Louif share 2nd place.

Dan Brisse

I’m actually scared this guy is going to kill himself. Dan Brisse is who Jeremy Jones wishes he was, when he was in his prime. This dude is insane. He’s built like a bag of cement, takes the word “hammer” to a new level and has probably aged his mother into some Crypt Keeper like status. Try to hate anything about Dan, it doesn’t matter, his riding will shut you up. In this era of creativity, vintage Tees and “tech” riding, Dan has become the new face of, “Holy Shit…”. He gets first place, no question about it.

Nick Sauve

Here’s the other half of 2nd place. Nick and Louif are both French-Canadians, so I’m sure they won’t mind sharing this verdict, they already share everything from languages to healthcare. Anyway, Nick Suave is quickly becoming The Man. He’s smooth as hell, talented as anyone and doesn’t seem to sweat head injuries in the least. I’ll admit, I hate his banger; back-flip off a fence wallride? So what. Nice stunt. Boring. But, the previous shot? Launching from nowhere, handplanting a light pole and then dropping the distance? That’s not even happening in video games yet. Let the kiddies on ESPN digest the dangers and realities of that hammer.

Shaun White on the Tonight Show, again

Shaun White is making the rounds to promote the new Shaun White Skateboarding game (cause you know, he skateboards too!) and landed on Jay Leno’s couch last night. Now if you watch this embedded version, you’ll miss the part where Jay introduces Mr. Blanco as the “greatest snowboarder of all time,” which may be the funniest part of the segment. Aside from that it’s pretty much just talk about how popular Shaun is, how good at everything he is, and of course, confirmation that he WILL try to go to the Olympics again (Jay knows what the people want!) Also, given the ridiculous amount of time dedicated to talking about his tan, it seems especially lucky that Shaun opted to wear a shirt on this appearance.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Would You Rather?

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It’s mid winter and Todd Richards happens to be a busy man. With two kids, a wife, a company or two and plenty of hosting gigs, Todd’s finding it harder and harder to relax, and more importantly, play Xbox. YoBeat is a caring company; we’re all about feelings here. With that in mind I thought I’d shoot Todd a few Would You Rather type questions, his favorite.

Yobeat: Would you rather have a 300 foot tall Todd Richards statue erected in San Diego, or have the power to change the size and shape of your penis?

Todd: Man, without a doubt change the shape and size of the naughty stick. I could be like Zan or is it Jana from the wonder twins, “Shape of a skin hammer!”

Would you rather adopt 100 Haitian orphans or share a prison cell with Mike Tyson for six months?

Seeing as how my house is blown out with two children, I will go with Mike Tyson. I’m sure he has some great stories about beating the living shit out of women, I mean, opponents.

Would you rather lose both legs or one best friend?

Good god, that right there is a savage one. Like if I say legs I am saying the right thing, but probably lying. I’ll go with best friend because this week it’s an Xbox 360 controller.

Would you rather shoot a stranger in the face or punch a loved one in the face?

Loved one for sure. I’ll just preface it with, “I’m sorry.”

Would you rather be Conan O’brien or Jay Leno?

Jay Leno without a doubt. He has a chin that rivals JP Walker’s, but he has one of the sickest car collections known to man.