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High Fives with Todd Richards: The Rap Game

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If you didn’t notice this week’s Rap Battle between JP Walker and Stan/Intern/Justin then please stop reading now. If you did though, we’re piling it on by bringing Todd Richards into the mix to weigh in on what he thinks of Hip Hop, being a white dude and The Don/The Chin/JP Walker himself. Enjoy.

Yobeat: Who’s the best rapper of all time?

Todd: Oh man, probably Easy-E or Weird Al. Possibly JP Walker. Oh wait no, Jeremy Rogers, “Whisper rap. Magnums they do rip.”

Why do you hate rap?

I shouldn’t say I hate all rap. I love old Public Enemy and NWA and Del. but I can’t handle the new shit. I guess I’m too white to understand. It kind of all sounds like the same song.

Are you too white or too old?

Is there a difference? Seems the older you get the whiter you get no matter what your nationality or skin pigmentation. You just fade and die, like a zombie.

When did you stop trying to look cool in the eyes of teen snowboarders?

Man, A long time ago. I’m just trying to look cool for my kids and I’m failing miserably. My kids don’t believe that I was ever any good at snowboarding, they think Shaun White is how good you have to be to be considered good. They say, “All you can do is a 720 dad.”

Yeah but they think JP Walker is cool and good right?

JP is really good though. He is a rail machine, with flips n’ shit. Mix rapping in with that and boom it’s like Biggie meets 2pac meets Seacrest.

So your kids think JP’s the shit?

JP Walker? My kids have no idea who he is

High Fives with Todd Richards: 2013 & Beyond

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It’s been a while, but Todd Richards has finally stopped announcing contests, hosting fake shows and tweeting long enough to sit down with his best friend in the whole wide world and reboot (if only this once) the classic, and amazing, High Fives with Todd Richards. So, with so much going on in 2013, these questions got asked and your life is now better for having clicked this link. Google this shit for more of the old, but good stuff. 

You’re the only real adult in snowboarding. Could you explain the fiscal cliff to all the youngsters?

Todd: Well, the fiscal cliff has like this gnarly rock run in, with a fully bomb-holed landing, but you pretty much fucked yourself and have to jump it because you followed some fucking dumb ass pro down here to ask him for his goggles. It’s pretty much like that except with everyones finances.

The Xgames are coming up. How will Shaun White top his perfect score from last year?

I imagine that Target paid for an extra 10 points to be added on. So, add this one goes to 11 analogy here.

Who’s penis would you rather be: Shaun White, Ryan Sheckler or Kelly Clark? 

(Once Todd stops laughing.) I would way rather be Sheckler’s Penis. Judging a book by its cover, I imagine it would smell like expensive cologne.

Do you think anything interesting will happen in snowboarding this year? 

My only hope is for another banger “a Man” voiceover of the Super Natural event. That was pretty much the highlight of last season for me. That and Chad Ottersrom quietly learning the triple cork one day this season in the Breckenridge park  without the use of an air bag and not punching the sky like he has the power of Greyskull when he does.

Ok last question, The New York Times just published an article explaining how snowboarding is no cooler than skiing now and our world has lost its bad boy edge. Care to comment? 

Well shit man, just draw a huge cock on the top sheet of your board and start a bunch of fights on the hill….viola we are bad boys again…and maybe pull some fire alarms.

There you have it folks. Todd is still funny, the economy is fucked, chicks got dicks and the New York Times thinks you are a bunch of babies. 

High Fives with Todd Richards

Old friend, old Yobeat contributor and old guy Todd Richards has once again told the Grim Reaper to shove off. With a career that started sometime in the 1980s, went legend status in the ’90s and sorta hung out in the new millennium Todd has not only picked up a new sponsor this week, but he’s apparently doing his own Youtube show on top of announcing every contest you’ve ever heard of. This shocking news really spun us for a loop, so we decided to revive the once great, no, amazing High Fives with Todd Richards column to  scratch his beautiful, ageless noggin. Here’s what happened. 

Rumor is you’re on Arnette now, how are you still getting sponsors?

Smoke and mirrors.

Are you saying you have the entire industry tricked? Or did you secretly sign a deal with the devil making sure your career and looks never go stale?

I’m saying if you’re not a dickhead to everyone you come across, you have a work ethic and an ounce of creativity you just might be able to keep the dream alive after your skill set won’t get you through qualifiers at a Gatorade Free Flow Tour. I bet I could still get top five at a Gatorade Free Flow Tour.

Why didn’t Travis Rice invite you to his top secret RedBull commercial/contest in the Baldface amusement park?

He did invite me actually. Unfortunately for me it was to talk about what he was doing on TV. I’m over competing at this point. The only thing I think I will compete in again is that ultimate boarder and this pipe jam at Breckenridge in April where you can’t spin over 540 in the pipe and then the finals are in a hand-dug six foot pipe.

How do you explain Shaun White’s ability to score a perfect 100 in Xgames pipe, but not be able to compete in Slopestyle because his ankle was in too bad of shape?

Oh god…my feelings are killing me…someone help me off the Slopestyle course. Let’s be honest here Shaun, you weren’t that hurt. You got your ass handed to you in practice even after you had the Breckenridge park closed down to only you for a week before X Games so you could save face after last year. I think it would have been more graceful if he just at least tried to qualify. We were all talking about it the night the pipe went down. He wasn’t limping around or anything implying that anything was even remotely wrong with any part of his body except his nuts after being squeezed into some baby gap’ pants.

Ok, in other news, you have your own TV show now obviously because High Fives blew you up so much. Which show is better, yours or Danny and The Dingos, and why?

Mines not actually on TV. It’s inside the internet which is almost as obscure as anything on Fuel TV. I’ll tell you what’s a blockbuster TV show: get Matt Kass and Danny Kass in a room together and lock the doors. Nothing at all in the room to be used as a weapon other than Dingo.

If you’re bored hereâ’s the scoop on Todd’s new show. I watched an episode, and for some reason I really enjoyed it. It’s basically a 40 year old boy in a garage full of cool shit with money to make sweet internet videos. Here’s what Todd had to say:

Well my new show thing is a spin off of my website AWSM.com. The show is called AWSM on Alli. It’s basically me in my garage Wanes World Style, doing product reviews, interviews, and commentary on what ever tickles my pickle, and top five videos of the week. I have a budget from Youtube and it’s fun. Every Saturday there is a new show up.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Salad Days

Guess what, Todd Richards had another big week. I know, shocking right, the guy that gets everything just got more. Anyway, because some of you are slow and others just don’t care, I’ll explain. Todd released yet another movie this week. Yes, I said another. You do remember his last movie right? And his role in Out Cold among other flicks? You don’t? Whatever. Anyway, now that it’s obvious he’s rich and famous, let’s ask him about the days before he became tall, dark and handsome and loaded to the gills with hundred dollar bills.

I noticed you have a big house and are presumably rich in Part 1 of your new movie. What was life like in your early 20’s, before snowboarding really paid out for you?

The salad days? That’s when snowboarding was truly a free money giveaway. Just look at any old mag, there were so many pro models in there. Each of those dudes was getting paid more than the kids now, and at least 89% of them were terrible at actually riding a snowboard. I myself had a big disposable income, which was nice, but my mom made me buy a house right away. Thanks mom. When I first started I didn’t have shit, I was basically eating ramen all the time and bumming for rides or gas money from people. I would trade a lot of my product for money. I guess that’s called selling but I thought of it more as a trade. I was living in Boulder in the shitty part of town driving to Vail five days a week. I was making maybe $2500 a month, maybe.

In your early twenties $2500 a month isn’t so bad. Was there ever any time you truly considered “hard”?

I was really lucky. I had a mom that was sympathetic to my cause. If times ever got really hairy, like if my car broke down or something, I could call and beg her.

There were a lot of times where I had to wait a couple days to buy real food. I had a bunch of friends that went to Colorado University though. We would all help each other out. If someone had cash from parents they would buy. We would rotate that. Like I said, I was lucky. $2500 bucks a month is not a lot after insurance for car and health, car payment and rent. I guess if you don’t have health insurance or car insurance it could seem like a lot. Health insurance is key, kids need to know that, you are not invincible and when you finally go down, your going to get dry raped by the hospital system. You may be getting dry raped already but that’s more of a lifestyle choice.

When you were living in Boulder and eating Ramen what were your goals? Did you ever think you’d be so prolific that a team of Vice dudes would document your every move?

I wanted it bad. I didn’t have as much natural talent as like a Terje or whoever else was hot then. I had to struggle for a long time. I really wanted to win the US Open, that was my dream. As far as anything else, I never in a million years I would have done any of this. I was a nerd in high school. My whole life I heard you’re not big enough or you’re this or that, so I was just so accustomed to sucking; I  never thought I would do anything but suck. I think that’s why I eventually got better at snowboarding and life in general. I still think I suck and work hard as shit.

It’s obviously a long process, but how did it happen? How do you go from a nerdy kid to a legend, living in So-Cal with a bunch of money and a big house and kids and a wife and a travel schedule that’s probably more hectic than the President’s?

Jesus, I didn’t pay any attention to the outcome. That’s the key. Just do what you need to at that moment. I started getting better at snowboarding. Riding Vail a ton and just learning shit. Then the pipe stuff I just did vert runs that I always wanted to skating. I just kind of got some momentum and it snowballed from there. Once you break the inertia it becomes easy. It’s scary to give it everything you have.

Is it true what Biggie said, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.”?

With more money comes more financial responsibility. Hopefully your parents gave you that gift because its a real hard one to learn. There are like four guys in the whole industry now that will retire on the money they made from snowboarding. That’s not many out of 400 pros. The rest will spend cash on dumb shit and work at UPS in five years. Save some cash, that’s my advice.

High Fives with Todd Richards Strikes Back

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Todd Richards doesn’t need an introduction. High Fives with Todd Richards doesn’t need an introduction. If you feel differently, well where the hell have you been? All you need to know is Todd Loves Star Wars, but not as much as he loves himself or one, but not both, of his kids. So without anymore blah, blah, blah Todd strikes back.

It’s been awhile since the last High Fives, why did you leave?

I didn’t leave, I just didn’t call back. I thought Yobeat was turning into warmed over shit sandwiches and I was partially responsible.

Did you come back because you missed me, because you like to hear yourself talk or because you felt bad for us?

It was just time to say something. I think I like Diamond Donny more than I like you, Nick. Stay in character.

How has life changed since leaving Yobeat? How is your own blogging career going?

Well, there have been some changes in my life. I’m a woman now, so that’s pretty new. A lot of adjusting for the family and all. Figuring out that I can’t just stand and pee anymore, buying make up, you know stuff like that. Life doesn’t change Nick, you just get more bored or less bored.

Do you watch Tosh.0? Would you like to do a show that doesn’t involve jocks or MTV2?

I love Tosh.0, he is amazing. Just the other day there was some wildebeest on a swing set and she tried to jump off and basically landed on her lips. As long as he keeps delivering that kind of stuff, I’m a fan for life.

Have you lost faith in the Obama administration or do you think he’s just getting cock-blocked by politics?

Why do I even care? We have less than two years left of life on this earth as a species. Fucking live it up why you can people because when Nibiru comes back we are all getting canceled as a series. Oh what? You believe that some skinny dude from the desert is the son of god but not in inter-dimensional space overlords?

High Fives with Todd RIchards—Bored Yet?

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Honestly life has two options, either you’re young and bored or old and really bored. No one can keep their level of excitement sky high at all times, and when these lazy (and scorching) days of summer are upon us, there’s only one thing to do, figure out why you should leave the house. With that mentality Yobeat suggests you look towards Todd, and see what he’d do in some of summer’s more common situations.

What movie do people need to go see this summer, and what movie should everyone rent?

I say go see Leo’s new joint, Matrix 4. I think that you should go and rent Gentlemen Bronco’s.

Best summer date night strategy to ensure you get lucky?

Let’s just face it, if you are using this web site as advice on how to get lucky, just roofy yourself and hang out in front of a bar.

Should kids spend their summer on the beach, at the lake or camping at Mt. Hood?

I say a wicked combo of all! Why limit yourself, go bonkers! Throw New Zealand in there too, or maybe Paris? Everyone loves Paris in the summer. Smell of dogshit in the air….mmmm Paris.

Should all snowboarders learn to skate? Should snowboarders ever rollerblade?

The real question we have to ask is does it even matter? As of recently much of snowboarding is about two steps away from rollerblading anyhow. I say we should all learn how to Heeley. They are way more practical. I hear there is Heeley mega ramp this summer at X Games.

If kids can’t get to the mountain in the summer what does Todd advise they do?

Buy a plastic pool at Target and marinate. That’s all you can do.

High Fives with Todd Richards—BP OIL SPILL!

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It’s been awhile since we’ve heard from Todd, but he’s back with vengeance people. So buckle up and read on as Todd dishes out some serious hate towards BP’s CEO and all sorts of things. Get wicked, express yourself and remember, if Todd’s correct, God hates you.

When I say “BP Oil Spill” what comes to mind?

A baseball bat, a pair of hedge clippers,and some duck-tape, oh and chocolate chip cookies. The cookies are for me though. The rest is for the CEO of British Petroleum.

In terms of punishment, what should happen to the CEO of BP?

Honey on the testicles and then a bunch of red ants. Either that or he has to spin a big arrow that says, “sorry” for the rest of his life in downtown New Orleans.

Would you rather be a pelican covered in oil or a fish covered in oil?

Well, I would think a fish, because I could possibly escape the black death. A bird, on the other hand, is pretty fucked. I don’t know how we can make this shit funny. It’s just so stupid. Anyhow, I would funnel white hot BBs into that CEO’s pee hole no problem.

Do you think God hates Louisiana, and what will their next disaster be?

I think God hates everything. He is an equal opportunity hater. I just think that Louisiana is like the Walmart of smiting for him. One stop smiting center. Gets em all in one swoop.

What is your advice to Obama for how to handle the situation?

Distract everyone with a war against North Korea! Yeah that ought to do it. Maybe play one on one with Lebron James? Fuck man, I really wanted to believe that Obama was going to do something different, make a difference, fuck he’s just as bad as the dumb fuck cowboy.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Guest Starring Louie Vito

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Todd Richards is known to dish out a lot of shit, so Yobeat has decided to let Louie Vito test Todd’s “taking it” abilities. Louie’s come under fire plenty this year, and happens to be one of Todd’s favorite people to pick on, so we feel it’s his time to dish. So while Louie’s getting rich, and starring on Primetime shows, Todd’s on MTV2 and hoping Louie stays onboard at Omatic. We’ll keep you posted regarding Todd’s ability to “take it”.

Todd Richards has a daughter. Should her first boyfriend be nervous about meeting “Daddy”?

I don’t know how any kid is going to be scared of Todd. Yeah, he will roast him like no other but how are you scared of a Dad who has action figures all over the house? Plus, there is a good chance you will catch him still playing with them when you come over.

Would you rather star in a reality TV show on a major network or host a show on MTV2?

Well it think it’s weird when there is a celeb’ who is a celeb’ because they are a reality TV star. I am known for that though, but at least I snowboard too. Hosting is pretty cool, not gonna lie, even if it’s a show that has JOCK in the title.

Do you ever threaten to leave Omatic to make Todd do things your way?

Kinda sorta, but Todd has always had my back on things. I just tell him what’s goin’ on and he does what he can to help.

Knowing that Todd holds a less than flattering view of the Mormon religion, how did he feel about your televised dancing partner being a Mormon?

Ahhhh, he liked her. He isn’t going to make a girl cry, especially when she is the one teaching me everything. Todd wanted me to stay on the show.  But we also didn’t give him a chance to go into his views.  We kept those to a minimum.

What’s cooler, being Louie Vito or Todd Richards?

Well I think it’s cooler being me. But Todd still rips at 40 or 43 or whatever he is, still looks like he’s in his 20s and is pretty much loved by everyone. So maybe when I’m that old I will want to be as cool as him. But as of now, it’s still cooler being me.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Virginity!

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Remember a few weeks ago when we asked you what topic you would like High Five’d? Well, you filthy perverts picked Virginity, so here we go…

How did you lose your virginity, and was it everything you had hoped for?

Well, by anything you hoped for, do you mean sparks shot out my ass? No. It was awkward and weird and bent…no wait that was something else entirely.

What is the best way to lose your virginity?

By a legion of roman greico soldiers that all look like Brad Pitt? Fuck who knows, ask a chick.

What is the worst way to lose your virginity?

Joran Vandersloot.

Would you rather have lost your virginity to your girlfriend at Prom or to a friend in Junior High after sharing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade?

Junior High is like the standard now for sure. I was a prom guy, or around that time. I was like four feet tall in High School and a skater back in the late 80’s. Not really the best combanation for awesomeness. I was lucky if I could show it to someone.

Are there any pro-snowboarder virgins? What pro has taken the most V-cards?

Is the Grenade RV considered a pro? I always wanted Danny to make a sticker that said, “I misplaced my virginity in the Grenade RV at the US Open.”

High Fives with Special Swedish Guest Per-Hampus Stålhandske

aaaTodd’s still in Fiji so we outsourced his job to Sweden. So meet Per-Hampus. He’s awesome and the reason you get to watch free full length movies. Listen to what he has to say about girls, Europe, and other stuff.

What have you been doing since Action Horse?

I needed a break from making snowboard videos so I moved back to Sweden, started to work for a production company that makes more commercial stuff, stopped working there, snowboarded a lot, I went to school for art direction for a while and snowboarded more. After that I started freelancing and then started www.spatziba.com. Damn, I hate long answers.

How does it feel to have basically invented the free online snowboard film?

Wow, I am honored. I didn’t really do it, but if you say so I will have to say sorry to the other film production companies since more viewers expect them to give their movies away for free. Oops.

As a Swed, do you think President Obama has improved or worsened the global view of the US?

Improved for sure, people hated Bush.

How do successful European countries like say Sweden feel about Greece, Spain and Ireland right now?

We like them, Greece has good food, Spain even better and Ireland has good beer. Swedes likes beer.

Who do the Swedes hate?

Hehe. Generally maybe Norwegians since they have more money then us since they have oil.

Bonus Question: What are the best and worst things about visiting the US?

I would say that everything is great except that it’s a pain in the ass to get in. The best things are probably the mexican food, the snowboarding, skating, it’s cheap and there is a ton of stuff to do.

ONE MORE BONUS: Women, where can the best women on earth be found?
I would say SLC (since my girlfriend is there). Otherwise Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Norway or maybe Spain.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Stupid Fiji

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Mr. Todd Richards went to this little foreign island named Fiji this week. What’s he doing there? Your guess is as good as ours. Maybe he’s hosting an MTV blah blah blah show, maybe he’s surfing with Kelly Slater or whoever those big shot surfers are, maybe he’s filming an infomercial with Shaun White, we really have no idea, but we are sure it’s stupid. Anyway, now that you’re here let’s have some fun at Todd’s expense.

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High Fives with Todd Richards—Summa’ Time

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Spring is dying, college kids are getting out of school and soon the madness of summer will begin. I’m sure you and you’re best buds have already begun daydreaming of sweet summer days and hot long nights, but what is the big TR gunna’ do? How does the big man feel about the hot breath of summer breathing down our necks?

What’s your favorite summer time activity?

Just hitting the local fairs up and turning a nice shade of pink with a sweet sunglass tan. I find that you can really get a indication of rock bottom when you witness fair folk taking their breaks. There are several types: meth mouth, meth tarted, and meth-alien. The meth-alien is my favorite. Misshapen head and strange primus-looking tattoos are the obvious tell tale signs that aliens did in fact suck these swamp trolls up into their ship and probe their heads. Either that or they set the methheads on fire and put the flames out with a pitchfork.

Rumor has it you like wakeskating, what’s up with that?

I think it’s pretty crazy that you can 360flip a wakeboard while simultaneously getting your arms ripped out of their sockets by a boat. Did you know that pro wake dudes get their own signature boats? What the fuck? We can’t even get proform on a fucking snowmobile.

Would you rather live in constant winter without a coat, or be a wakeboarder?

Nick, isn’t your state of mind “constant winter without a coat ” you do seem very emotionally taxed 98% of the time. It’s as if someone ran over your puppy every day of your life.

Do/did you make your kids wear sunblock? Sun-visors? Water wings? Aqua socks?

My kids wear a shit ton of sunblock. Keep their skin on their faces for longer than mine is going to be there. My dad used to put baby oil on my face in an effort to “get me sum cullah” when we went skiing at Wachusett back in the day. Thanks for the cancer Pop.

How excited are you for summer vacation?

Not very. See when you’re a parent and live on the beach the summer means two things, crowds and kids home every single day. My summer starts Sept 1 when the kids go back to school and the knobs go back to wherever it is they belong.

High Fives with Todd Richards—Oil Spill!

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Good news! Humanity has managed to scorch the earth once again! With all these earthquakes and volcanos blowing up around us humanity finally sent a message of our own, “Fuck you nature, we’ll spill toxic goo into the ocean all we want.” In the battle of Earth vs. Human we are obviously winning, question is, what does Todd think?

A BP oil rig blew up this week and has spilt hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil
into the Gulf of Mexico. Did BP fuck up, or is this yet another sign the Earth is attacking us?

I hear it was a terrorist cell of tilapia that had declared a “seahad” on all the land dwellers because we keep ass raping their home. I also heard that the government was using this whole oil rig story to cover up that it was just that the cast of Jersey Shore actually went in the water while they were in Miami. Thus causing an oil slick of biblical proportions.

BP has paid hundreds of millions in fines due to oil leaks and BP caused disasters, but last quarter they profited a few billion dollars. Is our system of justice broken?

Obviously our justice system is snapped, it allows people to sue on another because their coffee was too hot and it burned their white trash lips. I’m not worried though, we only have two more years of life on this planet anyhow before planet x or niberu returns like the Sumerians said it would.

A massive oil slick is headed for the shores of Louisiana, are you more worried for the animal life or the people?

I don’t think god likes Louisiana. First it was humidity, then Britney Spears, then Katrina, now this. It’s as if the people are being told something. It’s a bit of a divine eviction notice of sorts.

If you were the dictator of America how would you punish BP?

Tar and feathering really is the only choice.

As oil supplies are drilled dry, what new mode of transportation do you hope replaces the cars and planes we currently use?

Humans. Fixed gear skateboards, you just never stop pushing…ever.

High Fives with Todd Richards: Racial Profiling!

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Not sure if you all heard, but Arizona is the land o’ da’ crazies. Earlier this week Arizona passed a law basically giving a big “OK” to racial profiling, and mandating that all legal non-white looking immigrants carry identification to prove their legal status. It’s a law many police officers have publicly declared they will not enforce.  Apparently Arizona didn’t learn from the mistakes of the Nazi’s or Slave Owners of the American South. To get Todd Richards opinion (He lives really close to Mexico) on the matter read below, to check out more info on this new law check HERE.

What do you think of the sweeping immigration bill passed in Arizona this week? (The one allowing cops to arrest illegal immigrants, use racial profiling and basically just be dicks to Mexicans.)

It’s fucked, but if a drug war is about to spill into our country we need to do something, but asking peeps for papers isn’t the answer. Think about poor Java driving through Arizona on his way to Colorado. He gets pulled over and can’t prove he has papers. Straight back to the motherland. Wait, he may be Spanish, never mind. Pretty much it was a call for help. I think it will be overturned. I wonder what will happen if us citizens just started tunneling into Canada at an alarming rate? Like just leaving Vermont for a better life in Montreal.

How would Todd Richards handle illegal immigrants?

With gloves a cattle prod and slow loud English, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” what fucking kind of a question is that? They are people Nick. Although I did overhear quite possibly the most racist thing once in a casino in Reno, that immigrants should wear an armband or something with like a taco on it to identify them. There was a gentlemen with a funny facial hair configuration in Germany that had a similar idea a little while back. Mind you this dude was shit housed at 8AM in a line for Starbucks. Talking way to loud to a business man that was trying to pretend this ghoul did not exist. Like all staring at his phone and shit. Mind you there were three people in line. Moral to this story? Don’t ever politely say hello to any meth head out looking psyco in Reno casinos in a Starbucks line or you will hear their unsolicited views on immigration, Iraq, and Obama.

You need the lawn mowed, the house cleaned and the kids fed, do you hire three separate services or one Mexican couple?

Dude , this shit is wacked. I may make fun of every organized religious group on the earth but I don’t play racism. However, to play along with your insinuation that I am a recreational racist, I would go with the three separate services. What happens if they get sick? Then your out on all aspects. I actually already employee a similar set of people. Except for feeding kids.

Are you fluent in Spanish? Why or Why not?

I wish I was. Unfortunately for me, I was seated next to one of my best trouble maker friends in high school in both of my years of Spanish. I only know fragments of sentences, have bad structure and shitty spelling. Wait maybe that was English…

You live in San Diego, are there many illegals there?

Nope, we don’t have an illegal immigrant problem here. J2 once said to me, “I’m going to move to Mexico and do yardwork to undercut what the locals get paid and then all the illegals will move back.”

High Fives with Todd Richards—Hard Questions

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Mr. Todd Richards is currently holed up in a Canadian hotel room. In an attempt to relive his youth Todd has apparently traveled to the Grenade Games, or he could be hosting some MTV2 Rock n’ Jock one time gig. Who knows, anyway, the guy is busy, surrounded by weed, fucked up Canadians, filthy and stoned boarding bros and free health care. Yuck. Anyway, can Todd answer the hard questions under such odd circumstances?

What’s beyond space?

Oh that’s easy, “the other space”. Scientific experts like Stephen Hawking and Carl Sagan have been calling it “over there” for years now or 0- vr- th3r3. It’s where reality stops and fantasy starts, kind of like Vegas, but in space.

Why do we exist?

To do something. Some exist for other reasons. I exist to torment the weak minded. Nick you exist to to suffer eternally, like the Christians.

Is love real?

It depends on what you consider real.If you can feel it then it’s real. Here, feel this love…

What happens to us when we die?

I can give you the simple answer or the long drawn out answer. Oh, so you want both? Simple answer, we cease to exist and that is that. Long answer: we cease to exist and our group consciousness relives all the most embarrassing moments of our youth.

Why do people get prenup agreements? Isn’t that like saying, “Well this isn’t going to work, but what the hell?”

That is a great question. It’s like a invitation to fail. I don’t have a prenup. I guess I’m not big time enough. They get half in California, and by they, I mean them.