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Troll Christmas

Who needs to spend Christmas with your family, when you could just spend the whole day lapping with your friends. The Troll Babies are back from opening all their gifts, just in time to remind us that we all suck.

Riders: Calvin Green, Luke Zajac, Omlet Saladbar, Nick Irwin, Benny Milam, Jeffy Gabrick, Kyle Kennedy, Andre Wlson and Zach Zajac.

The Toeside Terrors in A Christmas Carol

Guest Illustrations by Paul CvikevichTTXMAS1-01

LISTEN A Toeside Terrors Christmas Carol

After a summer of product testing for Yobeat, the Toeside Terrors had lost touch with their love for snowboarding. Feeling defeated and jaded on the idea that strapping your feet onto a piece of wood was worth their time, they entered into a devastating depression.

On Christmas Eve, the Toeside Terrors reached an ultimate low. They had decided to quit snowboarding.

Just then, the time space continuum ripped open, and a mystic being stepped through the tear in space.

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WOOSH

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The Toeside Terrors stepped through the rip in the time space continuum and entered a frigid hill with slow double chairs -- This is Suicide Six in Vermont, the first place to allow snowboarding.

"Observe a time when snowboarders were united. A boarder would seek out another boarder if they saw them, just to take a run together. It was truly a harmonious time...Let's move on."

WOOSH

TTXMASpresent

"Welcome to Snowboard present. We are at the Energy drink open, where Snowboarding is still pretty cool. People are moderately stoked on each other, but with each day the environment gets warmer, people care less for one an other, and the great divide between boarders grows thicker. Every day a core brand liquidates, and a bigger brand sells one of its conglomerates to Pac-Sun.

WOOSH

TTXMASend-01

And now, behold Snowboarding's Future. Complete chaos has ensued after "boarding brought bankruptcy." That's right, a mass of poorly designed Hansu Weith T-shirts pushed the entire world over the fiscal cliff. With all the snow melted, and a massive sewage back-up, every volcano erupts. Snowboarding is but a whisper in the memory of a laughing Hansu Weith.

But alas, it was all a dream. The Toeside Terrors woke up to a tree full of Yobeat gear, all of which can be purchased here. That day they boarded like they never boarded before, and remembered again why snowboarding was radical, and why it was up to everyone to save it.

 

Sur La Rue: Holiday Travel Edition

My week started off in Breckenridge, where my roommate Craig McMorris made the above video. I’ve been wanting to ride this rail since I arrived, and we finally did, on the last day of our stay in Breck. After a quick session, it was time to head home.

I was supposed to fly out of Denver at 2 pm but obviously I missed my flight (it was my first time flying!)… They put me on another flight leaving at 12:30am with a 5-hour layover in Philadelphia at the lovely hours of 5am to 9am. From there I flew to Burlington where I’d left my car. After a quick stop by Rome office to say hello, I drove four hours north to Victoriaville, QC to my parents’ place where I will stay for Christmas. It was great!

We were a few people on the 12:30 am flight from Denver going to Burlington. This is what I saw when I woke up from my sleeping spot — a bunch of people laying all over the place. Sleeping in airport sucks but sometimes you can’t really avoid it…you just do whatever you can to be comfortable.

It was worth it though! I’m actually sitting in the living room at my parents’ place right and pretty sure those presents are for me. Merry Christmas!!! (Yes, we celebrate Christmas in Canada!)

Nick Lipton’s Christmas Wish list

xmas

Many may say, “Oh it’s too late to ask for anything.” but I call bullshit. Santa Claus doesn’t have a timeline. There is no Ebay delay in the elf workshop. My behavior has been more than saint like this past year. Plus, Saint Nick, Nick Lipton, we have enough in common to call in a favor. It’s OK if the jolly old man doesn’t deliver though, I’m sure all of you will fill my mailbox with gifts and presents. 

Christmas 2009 Wish List: 

1. A few boxes of Comune’s new 2010 spring line because I like tight pants and nice button up shirts. 

2. A few pair of Rag & Bone jeans, because they look better than your pants. 

3. I want an Olympus E-P2 with the 17mm lens and a flash, but I’d also like the Lumix DMC-GF1 with all accessories and why not just through in a Leica M9 as well. I can’t decide between the three, so I’d like one of each, as to make sure I get the one I want. 

4. I’d like a digital projector. Not an expensive one, but don’t you cheap out on me. 

5. It would be great if I could kit my apartment out with the BeoLink Wireless home audio system by Bang & Olufsen 

6. Why not just drop a worthwhile Barneys New York gift card into my stocking?

7. Please send a pair of Berluti’s for me, and don’t forget this pair of Buttero boots either. After all, a good pair of boots will last for years. That rule does not apply to snowboard boots.  

8. Working at Yobeat sure is hard, so if I could get an Apple Magic Mouse, iPod shuffle, Apple LED Cinema Display (to help with all my Photoshopping), a wireless keyboard, and a Canon Pixma Pro9500 Mark II Photo Printer I think I could really produce higher quality work. It’s all available at apple.com. 

9. If I’m going to waste my wishes on work related things I suppose I should ask for a Wacom Pen Tablet (because photoshop cropping with a mouse sucks) and this amazing Ikea desk. 

10. With all that work I’m basically forced to ask for a vacation. So airline vouchers or my own Gulfstream jet will be added to this list. Anyone in New Zealand, New York or London have a large open loft they’d like to give me for Christmas by the way? 

11. I’d like an iTunes gift card. If you could throw in the new Lady GaGa CD as well I’d be pretty appreciative. Ever since she lit her chesticles on fire I’ve been a fan. 

12. I’d really like to find a bottle of magic pills under my tree that cure sickness, sustain energy, and make sleep unnecessary. Maybe the elves can come up with something? 

I guess that’s about it for this year. The recession has really shortened my desire for material possessions due to economic plight. I’ll save the extravagance for another year, one that hasn’t been bent over by bankers, the Chinese, and crooked politicians. Oh yeah…

13. World peace, the end of hunger and all that other stuff those beauty pageant robots always falsely wish for. 

Also, if Santa doesn’t deliver I’d also be willing to trade snowboard gear for any of these items come December 26th. So if you luck out and get what I want please send me an email so we can trade. 

Ho Ho Ho,

Nicholas W. Lipton

Hump Day with Old St. Nick

Christmas comes about but once a year. The weather becomes frigid, people become merry, and mall Santa’s make millions of promises they can’t keep. Travel north, past the CocaCola drinking polar bears, even past the polar bears starving to death due to global warming, and you’ll find a snowy little oasis called Santa’s Workshop. I recently visited this magical little land to get the scoop on old St. Nick. I bit off more than I could chew. I couldn’t hang with the elf’s, I couldn’t keep up with the magical creatures, and worst of all, Santa kept reminding me I was on the naughty list because he believes Yobeat is worthless garbage. Old St. Nick is a nice guy though, and he agreed to be mounted for a little Hump Day action.

Yobeat: You were one of my favorite people growing up. I’ve always believed in you. Why the naughty list?

Santa: Kill Yobeat and we’ll talk…

Yobeat: Does it bother you that people don’t believe in you?

Santa: Not really. It helps me out. These days what I do is considered breaking and entering. If no one believes I’m real there isn’t much of a case against me if some little boy or girl thinks they saw me.

Yobeat: How do you manage to make it around the world in a single night?

Santa: Stupidest question. Why hasn’t anyone realized the “Saint”in front of “St. Nick.” I used to cater exclusively to Christians, but I’ve expanded my enterprise, now I’m also dropping by the houses of those who pray to the all mighty dollar.

Yobeat: Craziest house visit you’ve ever experienced?

Santa: Too many to just pick one. I can recall in 1967 I tried making it down a chimney only to find smoke flooding up it. In a matter of seconds I was trapped in a hot boxed hell. Marijuana smoke everywhere, it was a bad experience. The two young men responsible have since been working for me as Rudolf’s personal pooper scoopers. Another story that sticks out in my mind is a bit of a sore subject around Mrs. Clause. I once flew down a chimney only to be greeted by a sexy 40 something with a soft spot for jolly old men. She was hiding behind the blinds, that is why I didn’t see her of course, and when I stepped foot in that room she pounced on my back. I was startled obviously and I could tell from her lack of appropriate Christmas attire that she was on the naughty list, the really naughty list. Well, I’ve been with Mrs. Clause now for a few hundred years and I couldn’t risk loosing her, so I knocked the old bird out with a Furby and took off to the next house.

Yobeat: Isn’t there a song about you and some lady, kissing…

Santa: Hoe Hoe Hoe…

Yobeat: How do you get all the toys anyway? Do you have sponsors? A secret income?

Santa: I actually do have a sponsor or two now. Coke offered my family a bit of money and we took it, also I receive a royalty on every mall Santa’s paycheck. But that money is strictly for vacation. The elves I work with are magical. They obviously do and make whatever I desire. It is a great system. They create materials from thin air, and then proceed to make what you want. That, or I am turning a blind eye to their process which would probably make me the leading cause of Global Warming. Once again, it’s good to be “fictional.”

Yobeat: What exactly is their process?

Santa: Well, I have millions of elves. They don’t exactly enjoy normal life. They are always being casted as Lord of the Rings characters or stereotyped as Oompa Loompa’s or novelties. They wake up early, go to bed late, and love making toys. They all consider themselves artists, and as long as I supply them with cheep beer and cigarettes they will keep believing their “art” matters. Between you and I, they are just diligent toy makers, but I humor their “artistic” dreams.

Yobeat: Factory conditions?

Santa: Wouldn’t know, I can’t fit into the factory. I know we compete with China pretty well though.

Yobeat: Is there anywhere you don’t like going? Any no-fly zones you try to avoid?

Santa: No-fly zones? My sleigh has complete stealth technology, I could fly into Fort Knox if I so pleased. As far as places to avoid, yes, I have them, I like to call them naughty zones. New Jersey is a pretty heavy contender, but the one place I just can’t stand is Utah. The whole christmas celebration there gives me the gosh darn willies. Nothing but Christmas music on the radios, and everyone thinks they are so keyed into my beliefs. I try to make Utah a quick stop.

Yobeat: What are your beliefs?

Santa: To give out free toys. It’s fun, and you can feel good about it. Everyone puts their beliefs on me. At the end of the day though, I’m just a fat old man who enjoys giving more than receiving.

Yobeat: You really are a Saint.

Santa: No shit. I mean, well thank you.

Santa: Look kid, it’s tomorrow in Japan already. I’ve given your crumby website enough time. I’ve got a long day ahead of me and I really need to go over my final checklist. Email me if you need anything else alright?

Yobeat: Two more questions Santa. Can I be on the good list? I’d love a record player.

Santa: No, Yobeat staff members are banned from the good list. Try writing for something important like Red Hat Monthly, or Cookies and Milk Quarterly and I’ll reconsider you. Besides, you can get a record player at Best Buy.

Yobeat: Have you ever snuck into a mall just to really see what those youngsters want?

Santa: Once, and I was peed on, it is an unpleasant memory.

Yobeat: Thanks for giving me a bit of your time, I hope the ride goes well this year.

Santa: Stop sucking up kid…