*Reading this and watching said television shows will probably only accomplish wasting hours of your life.
With the excess of reality TV imposing the feeling that our civilization is teetering on the edge of abyss, I was somewhat against watching The Amazing Race television show after a crazy cat lady suggested I check it out. I wanted to write a column about an ex-pro skateboarder who once graced the cover of Thrasher Magazine, and is now starring in an Alaskan Bush plane show. I found his discourse from action sports and newfound Netflix fame (sort of) fascinating having been familiar with his previous notoriety in skateboarding, but alas this topic was deemed irrelevant. Apparently snow is falling and the people want snow related content! Just to be clear, this content is in no way “snow related” aside from the fact that ex-pro snowboarders Andy Finch and Tommy Czeschin are participants. Eventually my resistance subsided after accepting that the reason why the first show initially interested me was actually the same reason why the Amazing Race would be entertaining to watch.
Reality television is obviously not my cup of tea. I’ve seen every episode of Law and Order except for Criminal Intent (that one sucks), so I guess I like to be bored. This show however, tactfully weaves all the reasons why people love reality TV (the raw and unedited bickering, fights, mishaps and blunders between humans) with somewhat intellectually stimulating content. At least it’s not Dancing With the Stars. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, basically eleven teams of two complete physical and cerebral challenges at exotic locations in a race around the world. Each episode one team is eliminated and at the end the winning team gets a million bucks.
I’m only a few episodes in for this season and don’t want to spoil it for anyone who isn’t as far along, so this post is purely to size up the competition that my obvious favorites, Andy and Tommy, will be up against. They’re both Olympic snowboarders, seem like cool guys and so far have been kicking ass on the show. Below I’ve ranked their competition in order of who I think is their biggest threat to victory. After all this, I’d still recommend reading a book, or if you must, watch TV, Law and Order.
Ernie and Cindy
Athletic, organized control freaks with a knack for foreign language and puzzles. They could be trouble.
Laurence and Zac
“Father and Son Adventurers”
This guy and his son sailed around the world, breaking a world record for the youngest person to ever do that. Sounds like they’re loaded, have plenty of spare time, and probably don’t need the million dollar prize.
Amani and Marcus
Marcus Pollard was a pro football player for many teams including the Patriots and the Colts. He cracked femurs and skulls for a living, for Pete’s sake!
Bill and Cathi
I don’t know why I root for these two every episode (in addition to the “pro snowboarders”). Maybe it’s their seemingly complete indifference to the fact that they’re in a race or maybe it’s the fact that they’re senior citizens and Wall Street has most likely annihilated their retirement savings. It’s probably just because old people are cute. Yes they’re physically inferior but they’ve got 40 years of knowledge and world experience on top of everyone else.
Jeremy and Sandy
After watching three episodes I can’t recall these two at all, that alone makes me think they either pose no plausible threat or I have early-onset Alzheimer’s.
Justin and Jennifer
If this girl were my sister I probably would have suffocated her with a pillow at a very young age. This man deserves a medal. They won’t last long…
Liz and Marie
These two are a toss up. I’m not sure what to think, especially after they alluded to telepathic abilities in episode 1.
Ethan and Jenna
They beat cancer and a won season of survivor. I don’t know why, but I am glad (SPOILER ALERT) they were the first ones eliminated.
Good luck guys!
You can watch all the episodes for free, online, here.