By Patrick Whitehead

Hey kids and/or collegiate graphic designers! Have you ever drawn/rendered something in class and thought, “This would make a kick ass logo! I should totally make this a thing!”

Us too!

Whether you know it or not, you just took the first, and most important step towards having your own snowboard-adjacent company. Every great brand started this way. Do you think Tom Sims thought of snowboards first? No fucking way! He came up with the Sims S-with-wings years before he even considered riding a skateboard without wheels.

If you want to have the best, most core company, follow along with this easy guide and turn that kick-ass logo you just came up with into an actual thing!

Step 1.) You already fucking nailed it. That logo looks so sick, it’s like a bear or a lobster or something. Time to relax and move on to step 2.

Step 2.) Social media time! Make an Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Vero and make sure to get your layout looking aesthetically pleasing. Maybe you’ll go with shabby chic or post-modern punk or rounded grunge. Doesn’t matter, as long as it gets you shit-tons of followers. (You can also buy your followers if you’ve got the cash, no one will know the difference.) Make sure to keep that fire content coming every day, every hour, every minute to really let people know you’re around for a good long time.

Step 3.) Sticker time. Pay your friend with that die-cut printer or head on over to to get started getting your logo out into the world. Give stickers to every single snowboard shop, little kid, lifty, and crazy guy you know to make sure they get everywhere.

Step 4.) Start a website and a GoFundMe. No, GoFundMe does not count as a website, and it’s gonna be important to have an online store where you sell those awesome stickers you made (maybe patches too…? But don’t go too crazy, shirts cost real money and require storage space.) Use your GoFundMe to make sure that contributors know they will getting in on “the ground floor of something huge!!!!!!!!!!!!” The more exclamation marks you use, the more serious people will know you are.

Step 5.) Expand your reach to the Russian market. Russia is really hot right now

Step 6.) Start thinking about what you want that kick ass logo everybody loves to actually sell. Maybe it’s a video or a t-shirt company. Maybe it’s a wax company with wax that “totally smells like weed.” Maybe you invent a new sort of binding that holds boots on with the power of love. The point is, it doesn’t really matter. Whatever you decide to make it, your loyal followers and backers will be behind you, 110%.

Step 7.) Profit. Snowboarding is nothing but pure profit. People will be begging to buy your dope ass shit and you will always sell out. But what about trends you ask? You’ll always be setting them, especially with a logo like that. Every year you’ll make more money regardless of “trends” or “snowfall” or “the economy.”

8.) Cash out. Everybody’s trying to get into the market these days. Do you think Volcom is owned by skateboarders, snowboarders and surfers? No! It’s owned by some fancy French corporation. Do you thing that Vans is owned by some happy big guy with a Hawaiian shirt? Nope! It’s a revenue generation machine owned by some outdoor company. The point is, if you have something sick, some rich asshole will buy it. Once that happens you can sit back, relax, and watch the Benjamins roll in (or possibly Elizabeths — I don’t know who is on the Canadian $100 — wait a minute, I just looked it up. It’s Sir Robert Borden, whoever that is.)

Study these steps. Know them. Live them. Become them. If you follow them exactly, you too can (figuratively) move all the way to the top of the snowboarding mountain. Because that’s what it’s really all about in the end isn’t it? Making money. It doesn’t matter if you alienate friends, or step on other companies and break them in the process. You made it man! Let the losers fail and become what you have always been destined to become – a brand that sells scooters at Target.

1 reply

Comments are closed.