Snowboarding has spent years trying to be cool in the eyes of well, anyone. Skateboarding said, ‘pfft, you jerks look cold and just wasted a bunch of money.’  Surfing was a little more chill, it was like ‘yeah man, whatever, just stay off our waves.’ Wakeboarding thought snowboarding was neat, but was all, “how you flip without a rope to hold on to?” and decided it’d rather just do circles around the lake in a $100,000 boat surrounded by tan girls in bikinis. Skiing gave snowboarding the best chance at being cool. It said, ‘yeah, that does look pretty cool, we’re gonna copy your tech and rape you for all the dollars we can, and we’re gonna win because we can go faster.’

Meanwhile in Colorado, Ryan Knapton said, ‘this snowboarding shit is fun. But… how can I make it funner?’ (He knew full well that funner is not a word, but when you don’t care about the rules set by a bunch of angry dudes in the late 80s, you don’t care about grammar, neither.) So he looked at the flat-ass cat tracks of Summit County and noted how skiers never got stuck on them and had a brilliant idea! POLES!

And bing bang boom, he’s now the fastest snowboarder at Breck, and he’s laughing all the way to the bottom.

Oh, you mad?

Bummer, bro! Cause Ryan Knapton’s not. “The way I see it, there are two kinds of snowboarders,” he said. “Snowboarders who use poles, and snowboarders who don’t.”

4 replies
  1. Ryan Turner
    Ryan Turner says:

    OKAY YOBEAT. I’M LAYIN IT ALL OUT ON THE LINE.
    I made an account just to say this shit
    Number one (#1): Logging in to comment IS THE DEATH OF YOUR SITE, I take a solemn vow to never visit nor recommend yobeat in the future. Brooke, I loved you, but sometimes to love means to let something go.
    Number two (#2): Who is this fucking clown? Snowboarders choking on poles? Give me a fucking break. I wouldn’t be caught dead couching up on some bro sticks.
    Number three (#3)Dude boards like a shit-ass robot; plus he is from scummit county. Fuck colorado.
    Number four (#4) You have posted edits with skiers in them, give me a fucking break. Never again.

    I won’t allow snowboarding to devolve into some ski board coloradan olympic gold medal hybrid.
    Take a stance for real snowboarding. Don’t visit yobeat until they refuse to feature skiers (except lucas wachs). And send links to real snowboard videos and not the shit you see these ski- whores propagating.

    • Ryan Turner
      Ryan Turner says:

      Ryan here, fuck you yobeat, i hope snowboarding lives far beyond you. You are not a summation of your features, you are an aggregate of your consumer. And with that FUCK YOU FOR MAKING US LOG IN TO COMMENT, SHRED FOR LIFE, SHORTS AND SHADES, SKIING SUCKS DONG, NEVER SURRENDER!!!

      • Sassy Cat
        Sassy Cat says:

        Hi Ryan. Thanks for your very valid opinion. We have discussed with the broad (sic) and decided it is comments such as this one that prove Yobeat will never die. Love you always. -Brooke

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