Site Check: Bataleon Snowboards 15/16


Bataleon. Everyone’s third or fourth favorite thing about Amsterdam. They make interesting snowboards with interesting camber profiles, but let’s see if they can make an interesting website. Right off the bat it’s interesting that the default nation it assumes I’m in is Northern Ireland, but that isn’t enough to move it to the top of our rankings on it’s own.


Okay, the snowsurfboard thing is cool. I mean it’s been done a few times by now, but naming it the Camel Toe is pretty funny, and actually kind of makes sense if you think about the shape of the tail.


Now this is interesting. Bataleon’s whole thing is built around their Triple Base Technology, which basically gives you rocker and camber in one board, without the unfortunate compromise of traditional hybrids. But that’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is where they used to call it “TBT” for short. But with the rise of social media, they can’t really set up camp on the #TBT hashtag without being lost in a sea of sorority girls posting pictures showing how “awkward” they were when they were eight. So 3BT it is.


Speaking of hashtags, it looks like they put a little Instagram feed in there that shows recent pictures that have used #bataleon. So you’ve got a picture of a board, and some people standing on a mountain, and …


Jackpot. Apparently no one is moderating these submissions, because some porn bots are using the hashtag and getting some airtime. Or maybe they are, the company is Dutch after all. Either way, the idea of a porn bot using #Bataleon to steal the identities of snowboarders looking to “Meet Local Cheating Wives” is hilarious. Like any of us have identities worth stealing. This is going to do good things for their score.

To review, Bataleon probably knows which cafe has the best supply, gives their boards names loaded with innuendo, and lost a social media battle and had to change the name of it’s key technology. Oh and they’re either dealing with porn bot squatters, or just like to have some porn bots hanging around. Either way that’s going to get them a tidy 86 points that’s going to be tough to beat.


The standings so far-

Rank Brand Score
1. Bataleon  86
2. Holden 62
  • Pretty Boys

    686 take notes. That’s an ass right there, not that pancake jaunt you threw in the teaser.

  • Martin

    As with all YoBeat articles this one might as well have said:”Bataleon has a new product, we know nothing else interesting about it, end of article”