Gynamstiboarding Discipline Introduced for 2018 Olympics

GYMNASTICS-EURO-MEN

You’ve heard of freestyle snowboarding, you’ve heard of freeriding, you’ve heard of big mountain riding, and you obviously know about jibbing; but an entirely new discipline known as “gymnastiboarding” has just been invented.

Gymnastiboarding, like snowboarding, takes place on snow, most often in the park. Gymnastiboarders value technical merit over style, and LOVE having skiers tell them that they are the very best at taking gymnastics and figure skating to the snow. “Finally we have a sport the rest of the drones can understand,” said Today show Host Katie Couric. “Style is so personal and so intangible to someone who’s been told what to wear and what to think their whole lives. Gymnastiboarding is perfect for the general public.” Couric continued.

Leading the gymnastiboarding charge are riders Billy Morgan and Max Parrot, whose recent quadruple flips sent the world into a frenzy. “I haven’t seen anything like it since the 1980 skiing aerial finals at Lake Placid went down,” said some old guy from New York. “That is true ability right there. Anyone who has mastered physics on that level deserves a big shiny metal if you ask me.”

Gymnastiboarding focuses on a rider’s ability to utilize their momentum in a sort of controlled falling that leads some to question, “What the fuck just happened?” Riders are not only scored on their technical ability; but also who’s music choice and energy drink sponsor best compliments their routine and who’s outerwear is the brightest. FIS president, Gian Franco Kasper had this to say, “What we’re really looking to do is bring in all the flair and panache of figure skating, gymnastics and aerial skiing into the snowboard world. Snowboarding is too dark, too much black. We wanna add some flair. We’re all about self-expression as long as you express yourself within our parameters. Let snowboarding keep style. Gymnastiboarding is all about flippy-spinny!!!” he said as he pirouetted about.

Kasper is excited to see gymnastiboarding in both halfpipe and slopestyle forms for the 2018 winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. “We are so excited to be converting snowboarders into gymnasts!” Kasper said enthusiastically. “You can watch 10 guys do a method and it’s hard to say whose is better; but we can all count rotations, so it’s great to be able to say definitively who the best is.” Being the best competitor in gymnastiboarding is extremely important. “Without any definitive way to crown the best gymnastiboarder we would have no ability to know who we should offer a very lucrative endorsement deal to,” Target CEO Brian C. Cornell said. “By using gymnastiboarding’s “cool factor” we’re able to convince the American public the crap we sell is actually something they need. It’s a match made in heaven.”

Be sure to catch the gymnastiboarding finals during the 2016 installments of the X Games and the Dew Tour.

34 replies
  1. sweet!
    sweet! says:

    Will there be a fantasy gymnastiboarding league for all of us to participate in and pick our favorite flippers?

  2. Steve the cat
    Steve the cat says:

    quit hating people said there was too much spinning when people were doing 9s and we were “pushing the limit of whats possible” how can you have a contest with a bunch of steezy frontboards and back 1s and 5s . These are easy tricks and that’s why people are able to execute them so smoothly . These are elite snowboarders who are better that all of us that’s why they go bigger ,spin, and flip more meanwhile all of our videos are getting hated on in regected edits because we don’t go big spin enough or flip enough. You know who else can’t do any corks fucking ski school!!!! Snowboarding can be so creative and different but as soon as one person does the impossible (quad cork) or unthinkable ( weird yawgoons shit) we all start doing it. Back 3 5050 onto a rail or 5050 onto a rail? Which is harder , what is more challenging ? Rails are like the balance beam of gymnastic snowboarding it’s all the same . As soon as the less talented see someone do something they can’t do they have to hate, isn’t that why we all snowboard ? To push our personal progression in all areas of the sport ? I mean if I just wanted to stay styleeee I would have just learned to do methods and nothing else because heaven for bid I have to try something risky more than once , end rant , just keep having fun snowboarding kids

    • Tungsten
      Tungsten says:

      Only thing more annoying this last week than the haters saying “bs 1 is cooler than a quad” are all the numbfucks trying to educate me on how everyone should stop hating.

      Why are you even on Yobeat.com? It’s a website with a tagline saying “Making fun of snowboarding since 1997”. I would be really disappointed if Yobeat didn’t make this article. We are on here to see the flipside of what TWS is writing about it – and to read the hate comments.

      So seriously – don’t try to educate me why quads are the coolest thing in gymnastics boarding. I DON’T FUCKING CARE!!!

    • Lepre
      Lepre says:

      I don’t know man, I am not sure that because some trick is easy everyone does it the same. I will watch some riders do an “easy” trick over and over and be super stoked, while I will watch some others and just don’t really like their style…

  3. SEB TOOTS
    SEB TOOTS says:

    DAMN. No he didn’t land it before me 🙁

    No worries I’ll get that switch backside quad stomped first try

  4. swag
    swag says:

    we just talked to mark in whistler and he said “fuck quads” and says hes not gonna do one so theres hope!

  5. Pierre
    Pierre says:

    Ever since the late 90’s when Ingemar Backman did a ss bs 180 no grab at an Air&Style final in Austria there’s been a lack of encouragement from the contest scene to put style on the pedestal.
    Air&Style tried for a few years I believe to have at least one of your jumps be 540 or less.
    If the X-Games had mandatory straight airs and no spins over 540 in the “Financial District” it would be more interesting to watch than three double / triple corks in a row with mute / slob or hamstring grabs.
    Imagine Billy Morgan’s last tricks: frontside 1440 slob triple cork, backside 1440 mute triple cork and backside 1800 mute quad cork.
    Or.
    John Doe doing:
    backside 540 stale / freshfish, switch stance tailgrab with a slight backside shifty and switch stance frontside 1260 lien triple cork.

    The more tweaking the better. #tweakfest

  6. Jim
    Jim says:

    I thought snowboarding was all about people getting behind each other for pushing the limits of an awesome sport?

    We all know that Billy Morgan isn’t going to win a comp with that sketchy landing, even if he did throw it. So who gives? It’s epic to see people pushing any sport.

    If you like style then head over to superpipe.

    If you like spins, then maybe figure skating is your thing.

    Whatever it is, support it. Stop bitching like school girls.

    • TROOF
      TROOF says:

      COULD THIS PERHAPS BE SOME VALUABLE WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE LEGENDARY BIG MOUNTAIN SHREDDER EXTRAORDINARE MR. SMITH?

    • you have no idea what a rodeo is
      you have no idea what a rodeo is says:

      rodeo is off the toes flip with a frontside 180, underflip is straight back with a frontside 180, god know your shit or go back to twsnow.com

      • TROOF
        TROOF says:

        RODEOS ARE OFF THE HEELS DIPSHIT. A HALF CAB IS A TRADITIONAL SKATEBOARDING TERM FOR GOING BACKWARDS INTO A 180. HE GRABBED JAPAN ON A GLORIFIED QUAD BACKFLIP FROM A HALF CAB ENTRY. YOU CAN ADD ALL THE IMAGINARY ROTATION IN THAT YOU WANT.

          • TROOF
            TROOF says:

            A HALF CAB CAN BE LOOKED AT BY SOME AS BEING SIMILAR TO A SWITCH NOLLIE FRONTSIDE 180, BUT DUDE WAS CERTAINLY NOT DOING A SWITCH NOLLIE GOING INTO HIS TRICK. HE WAS SWITCH HEEL SLIDING INTO A QUAD JAPAN RODEO.

        • you have no idea
          you have no idea says:

          Na dude back rodeo is off the heels backflip style folllowed by a back 180, front rodeo is a weird throw off your toes dropping your shoulder with a frontside 180, an underflip is a backflip with a frontside 180 , youtube i used to think they were front rodeos too

          • TROOF
            TROOF says:

            TO BE HONEST, I MUST SUGGEST A BRIEF SHUFFLE OVER TO SOMEONE WHO IS ON A CERTAIN ELEVATED TRICK DECIFERING LEVEL.

            SOMEONE SUCH AS THE FORMER TRICK MASTER PETER LINE, OR PERHAPS EVEN THE INEMITABLE SKATER TURNED SNOWBOARDER LEGEND TODD RICHARDS, CAN TRULY ANSWER THIS PARTICULAR ONE BEYOND THE CURRENT SKATER VS. SNOWBOARDER TERMINOLOGY TUG-O-WAR OCCURING UPON THE EXISTING MOMENTS.

      • TROOF
        TROOF says:

        A RODEO IS AN INVERTED FRONTSIDE 540 WHILST GRABBING WITH YOUR BACK HAND ON THE TOESIDE RAIL, PREFERABLY A BIT MORE TOWARDS THE BACK BINDING IN ORDER TO CONTINUE KEEPING THE VERT SKATING REFERENCES REAL.

  7. TROOF
    TROOF says:

    REGARDLESS, I STILL THOUGHT THAT THE DUDE’S TRICK WAS TOTALLY LEGIT…. STOMPED CLEAN AND EVERYTHING.

    I’M NOT HATING ON HIS RIDING STEEZ EITHER, BECAUSE THAT IS CERTAINLY NOT THE CASE.

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