Vail Resorts to Eliminate Terrain Parks for 2016

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BROOMFIELD, CO — Vail Resorts has rolled out a plan to eliminate all terrain parks from its resorts for the 2015/2016 season. Citing the declining interest in snowboarding, the aging population of snow sports participants as a whole and the increased danger posed by popular obstacles such as rails and wallrides, chairman and chief executive officer of Vail Resorts Rob Katz said that terrain parks are no longer in the best business pratices for Vail resorts, which aims to keep its stock holders happy in these trying times.

Anticipating some backlash from the public, Katz explained, “We will be able to pass the money we’re saving on cat hours and park crews along to our consumers.”

Accordingly, the Epic pass will now go for $729, and day tickets will be lowered across the board by $2 per day.

Resorts affected by the decision include Vail, Beaver Creek, Breckenridge and Keystone in Colorado, Heavenly, Northstar and Kirkwood in the Lake Tahoe, California and Nevada, Park City Mountain Resort and Canyons in Park City, Utah, Afton Alps in Minnesota, Mt. Brighton in Michigan, and the newly acquired Perisher in Australia.

While resorts such as Breckenridge, Northstar and Park City have long been known for superior terrain parks, Katz does not anticipate any reduction in business and further justified the decision explaining, “Kids are too good now a days and this will help slow them down. Plus, with the increased interest in flat ground tricks, we’re sure you’ll find something else to do at our world class resorts.”

  • Randy

    What a cocksucker, “kids are too good now a days” Last quote makes me wanna quit snowboarding.

    • Gonzo

      You are the type of person that posts articles from the Onion on Facebook believing they are real.

      • He’s right you know

        ^

  • MBMC

    Finally some good news coming out of Vail Resorts! Stoked for some fresh new groomer terrain!

    • Klis

      Yeah! Those rails and jumps always get in the way when I’m leafing down the mountain.

  • wtf

    This better be an April Fools joke Yobeat……

  • Who cares?

  • Kook

    Weakest April Fools Ever!

  • TROOF

    THIS IS FUNNY.

  • chad

    april fools

  • god

    i wish this was true

  • Brisse’s shovel guy

    lol April Fools, had me for a little but then you mentioned how they “want to keep their stockholders happy.” Vail doesnt give a shit about anyone

  • howyadoin

    …. HA ….

  • April Fools? Obviously …

    Although now I can picture the wheels turning with the Vail Corp. higher ups….

    “You know Chadwick this article makes some interesting points… Except for that lowering the day pass price by $2.”

    “I say you are right Cooperton. Perhaps we should look into this further but for now let us enjoy our morning tea made from the tears of lower class virgins.”

  • what about bob

    I wonder how many people thought this was real, then read all the comments, then commented that its fake

  • Vermonster

    Keystone has a park? Why is this the first time I’ve heard of this?

    • Klis

      Haven’t you seen any torstein edits? A couple of them are in Keystone.

  • Boznutz Says [Fresh from Rehab]

    This article made me want to end my sobriety.

    Shit post Yobeat

    • upstatemike.

      pretending to be a fucking legend that is actually trying to turn his shit around is pretty fucking weak. just sayin.

      • lol

        using the word legend to describe bozung is pretty weak. stick to licking burtons butthole, no need to expand

    • I’ll spank your ass

      Fuck outta here ^

  • a man with a dream

    i do agree, kids are too good.
    but why not just sabotage rev tour features instead of ruining it for everyone?
    fuck vail gosh. alta pass next year no doubt…

  • Brendan Barry

    Winter Park forever.

    • what about bob

      winter park florida, full sail

  • broseph stalin

    Yobeat trolls getting all butthurt bc they get trolled by a Yobeat article LOL JUDGEMENT DAY HAS COME you fuggin pussies you won’t get out from behind your computer to go ride a terrain park anyway!!! HAhahaha LOL L8r

  • Boof

    April fucking fools

  • Spiderman

    OMG HOW COULD THEY?! I’m gonna start a petition right now on change.org!!

  • Internet Man

    Go watch Chris Joslin’s battle commander you buffoons. Happy April 1st.

  • no more ski patrol just wolves

    If it wasn’t April fools, I think it’s a great idea for one year so local snowboarders can cause havoc amongst those resorts

  • Ski the East. Vail hasn’t invaded here yet.

  • Archer

    Is this an April fools joke?????

  • SSV Douche

    Sounds like Shaun Dollan is still making all-star decisions for Vail Resorts.

  • Richard Cottrell

    Keep the parks and restrict boarder to them. That and let’s hear it for Deer Valley ! ! !

  • Pauline darwin

    Too crazy. We learned how to ski and snow board because of these parks
    Eliminating them would be insane!!!

  • Pauline darwin

    There are crazy, insane people out there l don’t understand
    We need these parks. Pauline