This week, Willamette Week, one of the two alt weeklies in Portland, did a cover story on Hood Life entitled “Stoked and Broke.” Now, explaining counter culture to the sort of rich white people who go to the Opera and would rather jet to Utah than deal with Cascade Concrete can be a challenge, but award-winning columnist Pete Cottell managed to put together a solid piece anyway. However, Harley Leiber, an insurance salesman from Portland, found the whole thing to be quite ridiculous. Since the chances of any of you actually reading his comments on WWeek.com are slim to none, we figured we’d repost them here so you can know just how bad you are blowing it in life by enjoying your youth on the glacier.
It’s nice that Hood is covered with snow year round providing a venue for children with severe 1st world problems to congregate. Only in America can people afford this level of active, self indulgent idleness. Thank god for it though. Hood is 50 miles from PDX…and with these paupers on boards even further away practically speaking…”I mean dude, gas is like…4.00 a gallon. If we totally like pool our resources, and get enough together for a total gallon we can like go into Govy and totally score some red bull and weed for a day of total zoning out and then we can maybe dumpster dive for half filled beer bottles and party on Garth”. Gravity will always pull your swiveling hips down the hill…but eventually you gotta pull yourself up. When that time occurs I don’t think the skill set translates to anything other than more boarding dude.
Wait, I think I sensed some sarcasm in there. I hope he explains himself a few comments later…
Dude…time passes quickly.You’ll look up one day and realize you took a weekend form of recreation…turned it into a hobby and did it full time. There’s no going back . You’re losing time. Spend an equal amount of time doing volunteer work for a non profit that you spend sliding downhill on snow swiveling the hips and emphatically declaring at the end…” dude that was totally awesome”. Do something for someone else..seniors, someones whose, sick, teach someone to read…invest the same amount of time helping people as you invest being a snowboard bum and talking about the perfect run man…turn being a loser who snowboards into something special…you can do it man.
Shit, Harley, you’re saying that by enjoying ourselves when we’re young, we’re going to regret it forever? Please, tell me more…
We pray for snow bud…you pray for bud. Stay up where the air thin dude…and your chances of reconvening with productive society thinner…and remember it’s not what you smoke it’s who you smoke it with. Dude…where’s my ski lift seat…? We did that whole scene at Squaw in the 60’s..some of the ski bums are still there…old, fat and bald… the romance of the mountains gave way a long time ago to arthritic knees, hips, feet and ankles…No retirement except for social security… living in the summer squalor of Olympic Village…dude…dude…dude…where’s my life…you wasted it dude.
Well shit. Maybe a joke will cheer you up. Got anything Harley?
Other snowboard dude: Rad….why don’t you like totally lay it on me
Snowboard dude: dude…man…you start it
Othersnowboard dude: okay…knock knock
Snow board dude: whose there?
Other snowboard dude: huh?