Harley Leiber Thinks Snowboarding is Stupid

stokedandbroke

This week, Willamette Week, one of the two alt weeklies in Portland, did a cover story on Hood Life entitled “Stoked and Broke.” Now, explaining counter culture to the sort of rich white people who go to the Opera and would rather jet to Utah than deal with Cascade Concrete can be a challenge, but award-winning columnist Pete Cottell managed to put together a solid piece anyway. However, Harley Leiber, an insurance salesman from Portland, found the whole thing to be quite ridiculous. Since the chances of any of you actually reading his comments on WWeek.com are slim to none, we figured we’d repost them here so you can know just how bad you are blowing it in life by enjoying your youth on the glacier.

He starts:

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It’s nice that Hood is covered with snow year round providing a venue for children with severe 1st world problems to congregate. Only in America can people afford this level of active, self indulgent idleness. Thank god for it though. Hood is 50 miles from PDX…and with these paupers on boards even further away practically speaking…”I mean dude, gas is like…4.00 a gallon. If we totally like pool our resources, and get enough together for a total gallon we can like go into Govy and totally score some red bull and weed for a day of total zoning out and then we can maybe dumpster dive for half filled beer bottles and party on Garth”. Gravity will always pull your swiveling hips down the hill…but eventually you gotta pull yourself up. When that time occurs I don’t think the skill set translates to anything other than more boarding dude.

Wait, I think I sensed some sarcasm in there. I hope he explains himself a few comments later…

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Dude…time passes quickly.You’ll look up one day and realize you took a weekend form of recreation…turned it into a hobby and did it full time. There’s no going back . You’re losing time. Spend an equal amount of time doing volunteer work for a non profit that you spend sliding downhill on snow swiveling the hips and emphatically declaring at the end…” dude that was totally awesome”. Do something for someone else..seniors, someones whose, sick, teach someone to read…invest the same amount of time helping people as you invest being a snowboard bum and talking about the perfect run man…turn being a loser who snowboards into something special…you can do it man.

Shit, Harley, you’re saying that by enjoying ourselves when we’re young, we’re going to regret it forever? Please, tell me more…

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We pray for snow bud…you pray for bud. Stay up where the air thin dude…and your chances of reconvening with productive society thinner…and remember it’s not what you smoke it’s who you smoke it with. Dude…where’s my ski lift seat…? We did that whole scene at Squaw in the 60’s..some of the ski bums are still there…old, fat and bald… the romance of the mountains gave way a long time ago to arthritic knees, hips, feet and ankles…No retirement except for social security… living in the summer squalor of Olympic Village…dude…dude…dude…where’s my life…you wasted it dude.

Well shit. Maybe a joke will cheer you up. Got anything Harley?

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Other snowboard dude: Rad….why don’t you like totally lay it on me
Snowboard dude: dude…man…you start it
Othersnowboard dude: okay…knock knock
Snow board dude: whose there?
Other snowboard dude: huh?

Ba-dum-bump.

45 replies
  1. burritosandsnow
    burritosandsnow says:

    Meh what do you expect from an insurance salesman. I mean his entire existence is based off of scaring people into thinking they need to pay him money to cover their over priced stucco house in the suburbs filled with depreciating assets. People who don’t create material wealth are immune to the needs of his product. Experiences over expenses, fun without funds!

    • shumonkey
      shumonkey says:

      Are his insurance clients all bitter, crusty ex-skiers too? Cause I don’t think he’s generating any new business by shooting his mouth off on the public page of the Willamette Weekly. Few things are more entertaining than watching someone commit professional hari-kari by butchering their image through social media. Nice job, man!

      • Harley Leiber
        Harley Leiber says:

        I’m retired dude…and never sold insurance. We just dealt with the injuries after the people were injured…anyway: I think the insurance industry in the US is a 300 billion dollar a year biz. As in big…

    • Harley Leiber
      Harley Leiber says:

      My house is 130 year old lovingly restored Victorian. Every architectural detail has been restored. It’s so big I rent out half of it…but you have to have a job, good credit and you know the rest. Old school.

    • Harley Leiber
      Harley Leiber says:

      I’ll die..you’ll die…we’ll die dude. Fir you it will be what? Buddhist Sky BuriaL? You can record it with your GoPro and watch as the monks chop you up and throw your meat to the waiting vultures.

  2. Dr. Brule
    Dr. Brule says:

    Fuck this guy but honestly, who cares? I don’t give a shit if people think i’m wasting my youth with snowboarding, I don’t care if people tell me i’ll regret all the injuries i get and i don’t fucking care if people call me a fuckin bum. Snowboarding isn’t what you do to impress people. You don’t make a fucking career of it. If you snowboard to make money or get famous you’re in the wrong fucking sport.

    • Harley Leiber
      Harley Leiber says:

      I have studied the digitally recorded tapes taken by Government Camp deployed drones sent flying over the rock strewn landscape you snowboard on and swiveling hips is quite evident…Gravity does the rest.

  3. Harley Leiber
    Harley Leiber says:

    Dudes and Dudettes…What do you do…when the snow is gone? You mud slide right? By the way I am not an insurance salesman I am or was an insurance (worker’s comp) claims examiner…totally different. But, how would you know that? It re;ates to working. The work comp guy deals with injuries that arise within the course and scope of employment…amputations, strained backs, disc ruptures, upper extremity overuse conditions like epidondylitis, scalp avulsions, cubital, ulnar and carpal tunnel, total knee replacements etc., Again WORK related. As in getting hurt at work…when you’re working. Work comp is fun…it’;s hard but it’s fun. Not as hard as snowboarding…but it pays well..

    • hoodsavage
      hoodsavage says:

      Wow. You are truly a stupid fucking asshole aren’t you? Some people would just rather enjoy life and have fun rather be a miserable old fuck like you. I am a father, husband and “Grown Up” but I still snowboard whenever I get the chance…and smoke weed…because I would hate to end up like you…I have a real “job” too, but I didn’t always have to have one…the story in WW was pretty badass really, kid was able to get from Australia to Oregon just so he can shred and party at hood for the summer…what were you doing at 23? sending yourself on an international, months long vacation where you could actually enjoy yourself because you were young? you don’t know what your talking about and should shut the fuck up.

      • Harley Leiber
        Harley Leiber says:

        Them’s pretty strong words bud. Has anyone ever disagreed with you before? Or do they see you coming and cross the street? The article was not about you…

    • TROOF
      TROOF says:

      THESE ARE UNWARRANTED APPROACHES HOMIE. PERHAPS A SIMPLE CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE COURSE IS IN ORDER HERE?

      “SHREDDING SNOWDAYS MAKES YOU HAPPIER THAN SHREDDING OFFICE DOCUMENTS.”

    • upstatemike.
      upstatemike. says:

      So you’re saying that snowboarders don’t work?

      I have been snowboarding for 20 years. Still try to make it to Hood for a few days in the summer. I have a great job, so do many snowboarders i know who work their ass off and snowboard as much as they can… Who all used to be the “young poor dudes just trying to snowboard”. And guess what, the winter sports market is a 2 billion a year industry…that alot of these “dudes” now work in to support families and happen to make a great living doing something that actually love. And they couldn’t have gotten there without having so much passion for something that they were willing to dedicate their life to making a career out of it.

      I’m sure your job, that involves making sure the fat ex-construction worker down the street who mildly hurt his back one day and is now living off the government is covered WHILE also having a D-list journalism career Sounds really fun. I’m pretty sure you don’t wake up and say how much you love your job everyday…and if you do…then I am sorry your life is that fucking boring.

      This article also could be about anything kids do in their teens/early 20’s. They do whatever the fuck they want, and more power to em. Because going to college, getting a crappy job investigating insurance claims, and ending up a grumpy old man must really suck.

      • Harley Leiber
        Harley Leiber says:

        I never said all snowboarders don’t work. Where did I say that? If yo have a ft job you aren’t the focus of the WW article. In fact, the article has nada to do with you.

        • ShtShow
          ShtShow says:

          About 7 comment boxes up is where you insinuated about the masses on here. Further more, I have thoroughly enjoyed you antics on here. I enjoy your spite. I also enjoy knowing that you waste so much fucking time getting off on trying to upset people. It’s true. You are a bored, angry man. Who I bet enjoys power tripping. You know, the authoritarian type. But, seriously though, please keep spending your retirement pissing people off. I’m glad all those years you spent working has left you so bitter.

  4. TROOF
    TROOF says:

    H.L.’S VIEWPOINT IS SOME WARILY SCARY & WAYWARDLY ASKEW MESSYNESS.

    SNOWBOARDING IS, IN FACT, A COMPLETE OUTDOOR RECREATIONAL EXPERIENCE AMOUNGST THE IMMENSE GRANDEUR OF THE MOUNTAINS DURING A TIME OF YEAR WHEN MOST PEOPLE ARE INDOORS DOING EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE: REMAINING DOCILE.

    AS WE (SNOWBOARDERS) ALL AGE THROUGH LIFE, WE CAN EITHER GO OUT THERE AND MAKE OURSELVES EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT OURSELVES TO BECOME & LOOKING BACK AT OUR JOURNEYS WILL FIND THAT ALL OF THAIS RADNESS WE HAVE PUT OURSELVES INTO THE MIDDLE OF WAS, IN FACT, ACTUALLY TOTALLY WORTHWHILE AND MEANINGFUL… A TRUE COLLECTION OF COMPLETELY IRREPLACEABLE MOMENTS THAT WILL FOREVER REMAIN VALID WHEN IT COMES TO DEALING WITH THE MYRIAD LOSERNESS MENTALITIES ALONG THE WAY SUCH AS THE ONE H.L. HAS SO UNWITTINGLY EXEMPLIFIED ABOVE.

    • Harley Leiber
      Harley Leiber says:

      Here’s some “warily scary and waywardly askew messyness”: pooping in the woods, and lighting box springs on fire with the closest fire station miles away. It’s not the journey dude it’s the mess. Don’t squat in people homes just because they aren’t there for starters.

      • TROOF
        TROOF says:

        CLEARLY ‘SQUATING’ CAN NOT BE THE CORE BASIS FOR YOUR MAIN ARGUMENT AGAINST SNOWBOARDERS. THAT’S A TOTALLY ISOLATED SCENARIO. YOUR VIEW OF OTHER TYPES OF PEOPLE IS STEMMING FROM SELFISHNESS.

        STOP WORRYING ABOUT OTHERS SO MUCH AND FOCUS UPON YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. GO FIND YOUR OWN ZONE… “GRUMPY AIN’T GROOVY.”

  5. Schleg
    Schleg says:

    Woah! That joke at the end was almost as bad as your original Ollies for Alzheimer’s article, and no where near as offensive!

  6. p money and the titty bangers
    p money and the titty bangers says:

    The man is a fucking insurance salesman… that says it all. I would hate my life too.

    • Harley Leiber
      Harley Leiber says:

      Dude. I have never sold insurance. I might be able to hook you up tho with some medical, dental, life, whole life, car and burial insurance…

  7. Razor rick
    Razor rick says:

    Couple scooter accidents got me hooked on them nasty pain killers… Swivel hip snow surfin got me soberrr.

    P.s. This guys my dad.

  8. Harley Leiber
    Harley Leiber says:

    totally dude…I am laughing my ass off at the level of offense my comments have caused. I really don’t care what you do or how you do it…just enjoy it all. I seemed to have hit a nerve.It was interesting online experiment…

    • Harley's my Hero
      Harley's my Hero says:

      You should be a regular commenter here, it’s way better than Oregonlive or WWeek, but with less blame Obama and Climate Change talk.

      • Harley Leiber
        Harley Leiber says:

        I am now a regular commenter. I have been drafted by the Government Camp Firefighters Association. Now put out those box spring fires before you burn down the forest…

    • basshole
      basshole says:

      Look, I won’t deny there are some snowboarders who fit your narrow description, but there are many more who are students, doctors, businessmen, soldiers, mothers, fathers…hell, I’m sure there’s a snowboarder out there who does workman’s comp claims. The difference between him and you is that he defines himself as a snowboarder and not a claims examiner like you do. That’s because he has found something he loves and is willing to make sacrifices for.

      You talk about volunteering, do you have any idea how many snowboarders have started their own charities? Snowboarders do everything from bringing inner-city kids to the mountains to meeting with members of Congress to fight climate change. Not bad for a bunch of “bums”, eh?

      Also, for such a “professional” person, you sure have some pretty shitty grammar. It’s weird how I can write better than you. Oh wait, that’s because I’m a professional writer with a real job. I even get workman’s comp if I somehow injure myself at my desk. Can you believe it!?

      Why don’t you do yourself a favor and crawl back into the dank hole from which you came before you embarrass yourself any further.

      • Harley Leiber
        Harley Leiber says:

        Try…just try and divine the essence of my comments my bro…Think of my comments as toilet paper that you flush down the commode. And wWhy all the defensiveness? Me thinks you protest too much…Shitting in the woods, lighting fires in the forest and diving in the dumpsters? Okay then.

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