Breaking News: Robo-Knees are your Future



Stephen Duke’s tribute to good times and bad knees. Tattoo & Photo by Corey Smith

Snowboarders hurt their knees. That’s just reality. However, now we don’t have to care because we can all turn into Robocop! This fact is being proven by Neoproto pro turned snowboard engineer Sean Tedore, who decided he would soon go under the knife for a shiny new pair of Robo Knees. Why? Over the year’s Mr. Tedore injuries have gone like this — “Right Knee: Tore my ACL, MCL, PCL, Patella tendon, shredded both menisci, and shattered the outside corner of my femur in one shot, at Super Park. Ten months later, filming, I overshot a cliff and smashed more femur and tore my ACL again. Six moths later my leg wasn’t staying sturdy so I went in and they had to go back in and reroute a tendon in the back of my knee to keep it stable, this was all on the right leg. Left Knee: I tore my ACL and then rode with a torn ACL for six months. It shredded my meniscus and so my doctor had to remove a bunch of it then once I jacked my right leg and was on crutches on and off for two years and it wore my right leg down so it’s now bone on bone. No cartilage at all and my leg is all bow legged. Both knees feel like if you jammed your finger playing basketball, but all the time.”

Think that’s a freak occurrence? Well, so does everyone, including fellow ex-pro Stephen Duke. “Sean’s shit is a pretty next level situation,” and that’s from a guy with a few knee bumps of his own, “I’ve had three torn ACLs from snowboarding and one from skating. All the random meniscus damage that comes along with that. My left ACL is gone right now but I’m getting it fixed later this spring.” And don’t think it’s just the old guys, pretty much everyone truly trying to snowboard has some sort of knee fuckery going on. Even the indestructible Brendan Gerard blew his knee out and needed surgery after trying to bomb a mogul field. Anyway, there’s good news, soon we can all just get shiny new robo knees and not give a fuck about the pain and agony that comes with growing up a snowboarder.

Check out how awesome the future is going to be! Here’s a link to today’s hottest Robo Knee surgery. It’s the top notch solution available today. It would be embedded, but like Two Girls One Cup it’s just not really something you’re supposed to embed. Anyway, here are the highlights. 

Link to Video & Highlights Below:

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 First, cut your knee into a gash. Then, pull it back and cut your way to the bone baby!

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Spread it open, clamp it and start drilling some holes.

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Oh, excess bone? It’s not ready for Robo-time? Shave that shit down until it works, duh.

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Start packing in the plastic and other junk, and hammer it down for a lifelong fit!

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Fresh Robo Knees! Time for some 50 footers and powder. 

Happy shredding and enjoy jump season!

20 replies
  1. tedore
    tedore says:

    Oh, and those aren’t my knees in the picture. Its from a video and that leg is a cadaver. Makes it even Gnarlier, haha!!

  2. JP Walker
    JP Walker says:

    And its all for a chill bill of $150,000.00, but no worries, no health insurance will cover this. Maybe a nice little deductible could be arranged? I can probably just launder some of the Jibberish money.

  3. matt
    matt says:

    I am a snowboarder who happens to be a doctor and I see this every day. The main problem with robo-knees is that they aren’t nearly as good as your own. They are designed for super old people and you shouldn’t even run with them, let alone drop cliffs. They also wear out in about 10-15 years so you’ll need to go through the whole thing again later. And that’s best case scenario. Probably best to keep popping the advil and put off surgery for as long as you can…

  4. J
    J says:

    If you voted for a left-wing government and got a national health service you could get your knees fixed first thing. For free.

  5. LumberJackJibber
    LumberJackJibber says:

    @Matt, with that advice I know you are about as much a doctor as my nine inch flacid dick is a reality.

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