What’s Coming? Winter 12/13

As the world’s most opinionated, arrogant and out of touch snowboarder  I obviously have something to say about the coming winter. As A$AP Rocky would say, “I’m the shit. Does it stink?” so with that incredibly inflated, undeserved and all together ridiculous amount of confidence swimming around in my head I’ll go ahead and forecast your future—you’re welcome. Oh, you’re bummed? Don’t sweat, a bunch of dudes and chicks who actually get paid to snowboard will weigh in as well.

My Predictions:

This winter the snow will fall. Not as much as people would like, but it’ll allow people to ride half-pipes and make more shitty edits. During the winter Shaun White will rest his knee like Chicago Bulls All-Star D.Rose and not ride because of his broken knee. White will reach out to Rose but Rose won’t pick up because he’ll be busy getting back in assassin shape. White will then drunkenly tell people how he really feels from the audience at Xgames. Also, a ton of parents will tell their children, “You’re never going to be a pro snowboarder! Go to fucking college already!” Only 1/4 of these kids will listen.

Now for the Experts:

Robbie Sell (who likes money a lot:

“I predict that Reebokâ„¢ will hire me to shape and create their (re)entry into the ‘extreme’ sports market. I predict that Nate Bozung will not follow through with his intervention. #duh”

Austin Hironaka (who is an Asian ninja):

“Well, I can tell you that I’m going to snowboard next winter and my snowmobile will not stay in the garage.”

Chris Grenier (who owns a house):

“I have no idea what’s gonna happen next year.”

Desiree Melancon (who can spit better than you):

“What will happen; baby fuckin’ boom. What won’t happen; anal sex for the reserved.”

Jake OE (who in all seriousness took this so seriously): 

“We’ll see more real time street/pow edits. It won’t rain once during the snow season!!!!!”

Sean Black (who really wants people to think he’s Shaun White):

“Will happen: Think Thank will put out their best video ever. Won’t happen: The world will not end and Roobs will become a recluse and go into a deep depression.”

Justin Keniston (2013  top model/superstar boarder):

“Oh, man. It’s so hard to see the future. Well, whatever is cool in the current skateboard world will obviously be even cooler in the snowboard world. All of the double, triple, quadruple will keep getting more and more common thing with the airbag, water ramp and snowboard training. That’s just my opinion. One thing I know is you’ll never see me do any of that.”

Lance Michael Hakker (owns snowboarding):

“I predict guys will still be complaining about the size of other guy’s pants, but now the cool thing will be to wear medium sized pants.”

Matty “Mo” Moriarty (the sauce boss):

“I think that Littlest (Alex Sherman) is gonna’ get a Skeleton Crew face tat, and I don’t think that Dirks is gonna’ be sober when he gives it to him.”

Cory Grove (the wiener man):

“What I think will happen: it will probably snow somewhere, Utah and Oregon would be nice. What won’t: People will not stop posting (early) weather predictions on facebook saying that it’s going to snow not realizing that is impossible to predict.”

Aaron Blatt (future Playboy photographer):

“All snow conditions aside.. I think crews are going have to go farther and wider than ever to get original shit. Minnesota? AK-PreSeason? Tapped! Someone is going to jump over some landmarks… I’m talkin’ Rotax in VT early 2005, whale tails, signs, houses, fuck it, it’s going down.”

And Finally, Mikey LeBlanc (the most qualified to answer this question):

“I predict fun for anyone that’s stoked. I predict laughs, pain, smiles, cold bodies and faces, glory and defeat.”

 

 

 

29 replies
  1. wumbo
    wumbo says:

    I predict everyone will continue fighting on Yobeat over who’s snowboarding talent is greater with a string of insults relating to homosexuality, mothers and clothing choice. Second prediction, flippin bird gets sponsored by Capita.

  2. forealdo
    forealdo says:

    frank zappa will rise from the dead, become our new savior, and explain how shaun white was a huge mistake.

  3. mn
    mn says:

    I will Continue to jerk my self into a coma to fall asleep. I won’t let myself be a low life lifty again just for a pass.

  4. Emma Watson Sit On My Face
    Emma Watson Sit On My Face says:

    The only way i’m going to get to snowboard is going to the hill at 6 and clipping people’s passes. THE PRICE OF SNOWBOARDING IS TOO DAMN HIGH

  5. weasel
    weasel says:

    fuck flippin bird honestly. they arnt funny they are just a bunch of fat fucks that got a handy cam ∆˜˚∆˜˚∆˜˚∆∆∆∆∆∆ç∆≈˜˚k˜∆˚ç˜˙ç©˙√∆bk˜

  6. FUVKING OVER IT GONNA LURK
    FUVKING OVER IT GONNA LURK says:

    Im on snowboarding hiatus til at least 2014 season just gonna take a year off and ball out maybe lay some raps on some tracks don’t know yet it’ll be tight though stay tuned

  7. ARA
    ARA says:

    I predict that:
    We’ll have to look at dirty hippy kids in streetwear all winter long
    The snow will be better than last year
    Kids will blow it by riding stances waaaaaaaaaay too big and wayyyyyy too small
    Terje will win Baker Banked
    The purchase of Alpine and Kirkwood will suck, raise prices or leave no more deals
    YoBeat will pin its traffic hopes on $hitty edits starring kids in #1
    Camber will make a big comeback and kids in #1 will wish they could ride a board with out sliding out
    Buoloco will entertain and inform
    My VW will drop another CEL on me
    Todd Richards will continue to milk the industry like no one before or since
    Shaun White will ride twice
    The Jackson Bros will dominate
    MBHC 40 yr. olds will shred harder than 99% of the Yobeat readership.

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