10 Reasons To Be Stoked The Mountain is Closed

Tomorrow’s May 1st, which means one thing: Snowboard season is basically over. People often accuse us of being negative here at Yobeat, so we’re doing our best to stay positive with this one. You may think there’s no sunny side to of the end of winter, but we’re here to tell you, it’s not all bad! In fact, we have come up with 10 totally viable and legitimate reasons it’s fucking awesome your local hill has closed down for the season.

1. Free stuff! The best part of the snow melting is all those GoPros, gloves and ski poles Joey lost this season are now up for grabs! Head up to the hill and wander around aimlessly until you strike gold in the form of stuff that fell from the lift or off of helmets and was soon forgotten.

2. You’re less likely to get hurt. Since you’re pretty much the best snowboarder ever, you can try anything and everything, right? It’s only snow. But let’s face it, even if you religiously wear a helmet, snowboarding is still more dangerous than your day-to-day video game playing and TV watching. Now that the mountain is closed, you’ll probably stay way safer.

3. Save on gas money. Gas prices suck and the mountain isn’t getting any closer to your house. Your buddy’s $2 donation for gas money isn’t doing much to fill the tank anymore, so think of how much richer you’ll be when you’re not pumping $50 a day into gas to go snowboarding. Now you can spend all that money on beer.

4. You’ll have more time to do useful things. As much as your parents pretend to be supportive of that snowboard business, they’ll be much prouder if you get good grades, earn a ton of money, or otherwise join the productive side of society. Now that snowboarding isn’t really an option, you have nothing better to do than work hard and be successful.

5. Skateboard season! While yes, this one negates reason #2 entirely, you can’t be that mad at an activity that allows you to wear jeans and t-shirt, still go fast, and occasionally even feel cool. If you don’t skate, maybe it’s time to start and if you do, this is the year you’re going to figure it out, for sure.

6. Scantily clad babes. Despite videos you may have seen, snowboard chicks wear a ton of clothes. Now that it’s getting warmer, the girls wear less and less, and how mad can you really be at that?

7. You’re headed to snowboard camp. Screw all you jerks who didn’t save all season (or who’s parents didn’t hook up camp this year) you’re just weeks away from the best summer camp experience ever. You’re gonna get a sweet ass goggle tan, learn so many moves and otherwise kill it like you meant to all winter, but never did.

8. It’s easier to pretend. No more making up excuses for why you can’t do tricks or keep up. It’s summer which means the Internet snow thug can truly shine, without any real life opportunity to prove otherwise.

9. Another reason. This is where you chime in and say why you’re excited winter is over…

10. Who are we kidding? Oregon mountains don’t close so we don’t even have this problem. You guys are screwed until next November.

  • mdot

    so many babes in rhode island. summer is the best!

  • bDr

    11. I can beat off like 11x more than i usually do

  • Creach

    I don’t think I would ever be stoked that winter is over

  • #8

  • karnkarn


  • ChrisBrown

    #9. I live in Mammoth till May 10th. June 11th I move to Maui for 6 months. Pretty stoked on the move to tell you the truth. Gonna be living it up on the island till november when I come back to Mammy. Get some.

  • rawr


  • some asshole

    12 i can stop checking yobeat…..

  • PileS

    13 yobeat can stop pretending they snowboard and go wake blading for days.

  • kzoo

    my home “mountain” was open for fewer months than most mountains out west will be closed for….

  • Robbie

    Wake boarding!!! It’s almost half as fun as snowboarding and you need a boat but it’s definitely an upside

  • baa

    Has yobeat changed? who’s the poser that wrote this. If this is your top 10, you need to find a staff member that has enjoyed summer.

  • snakeboarder

    have you ever thought of fucking a girl with her yoga pants on because they make her such a perfect ass?

  • You should be stoked because you’ll be seeing Jerms mom topless at the bar

  • sk8 and destroy

    all snowboarders really want to be skateboarders but most of them are little pussy posers and cant skate

  • 14 making fun of faggy ass fruit booters

  • nick

    my mountain is still open weekends until junish…then hiking until september. NW>All

  • GusGus

    This is by far the stupidest article ever published.

  • Sam

    Number 10.

  • yourmom

    fuck you.

  • I had to stop fapping to read this. Bummer summer.

  • mn

    I Fuck Prostitutes in my spare time

  • honeybadger

    I get drunk and play with chainsaws.

  • I don’t use my skateboards for skating anymore, I just shove them up my butthole.

  • Jack Schroeder likes dubstep

  • Tupac Shakur

    i don’t like biggie

  • yuck fobeat

    11. It’s always snowing @ Alpental.

    “Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and … Eleven. Exactly. One louder.”