The Other Side of SIA

SIA used to be a special place. A place of death and destruction and amazing feats of debauchery. It was where legends were made, where rumors were created and where riders gained infamy. But, now it’s in Denver and that sucks, so I showed up late. By the time I showed up to SIA everyone had already enjoyed a long brodown on the tradeshow floor. Beers had been drunk. Party addresses had been passed around. The air reeked of possibility, potential and probably jail time. Sure, we were in Denver, but maybe this year would be different, maybe this year would be fun. Brooke Geery looked like she was down for a good time, and the largest gathering of Yobeat employees to date triggered a frenzy of energy inside my skull. So, I started shooting photos.

Ran into Yobeat’s best marketing dude to date. Way better than the last one that Snowboarder Mag stole from us. Just look at how easily he figures out how to get friends into parties.

Night one started at the crap hole Jonas Bros bar/loft/hookah lounge. There were more rooms, more balconies and more speakers than anyone could have asked for. Most of the bars were for VIP gold wrist band owners only. However, cute girls were everywhere and drinking with old friends helped create a pleasant, if not wild vibe.

Laura Austin couldn’t resist blowing off work. That’s what I call using a film camera. Because the process of taking it to the store, having the film developed, waiting, and eventually scanning the photos isn’t exactly aligned with the speed of the “gimme gimme” internet audience.

The bartenders must have been temp hires from the strip club down the road. Why else would, “Hey, we’ll take shots with you for free!” work?

You should see the out of focus stuff, or maybe not. Check out that leg tat…

Diamond Cabaret was the place. From 11 to 4AM that’s where you found anyone worth seeing. That included biker gangs, tons of wheelchair-riding-ass-slapping badasses and hundreds of snowboard folk. Kid wonder Danimals even got a shower there. The club was nice enough to let him borrow a swim suit. Gross, right?

The next morning we dove head first into the show. With hangovers, hunger and excitement pulsing through our veins and out our pores we hustled to make meetings, sneak beers and eat stupidly expensive stuff. I ran into Billy Mackey almost immediately. He had a really sweet new button and smelled like dead bums covered in the shit of other dead bums.

Finding the best booth is always a challenge. Is it where your friends are? Do you have friends? Is there beer? How about friends, beer and free tattoos? Yeah, Arnette killed it this year thanks to Robbie Sell, but I’ve gotta say, Capita was the place for happy hour fun.

I can be a really big asshole. Only an asshole walks into a trade show (where millions are coughing, sneezing and puking) and heads directly to the tattoo artist (while truly hungover) and says, “Oh, fuck, hmm, well how about a giant lightning bolt on the back of my arm.” Robbie told me it was safe though, so, well, it’s only forever…

Nike Snowboarding had a big beautiful booth. Isn’t that shocking? Anyway, they have a whole new line out and are spending trillions figuring out just how to revolutionize retro. Basically, Nike is so good at what they do, they can make you like shit they decided was too dumb to keep making 20 years ago. Honestly though, they have the most comfortable boots in the game. Prove me wrong, you can’t.

Out of all the Collabo projects this year my total favorite was Nike + Marlboro. Where can I get the sticker?

Back at the strip club I met a non-stripper who seemed to know me. If you’re reading this, I forget your name, but thanks for the memories. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Bring us two shots of your most expensive whiskey” so many times in one night. Yobeat could never afford $25 dollar shots, so I’m glad this beautiful stranger could.

Squish…

Shayboarder wrecked the strip club by night and her neck by day. Here is a shot of her brand new, Arnette booth-approved, Craig Kelly-inspired neck piece. Shay couldn’t have been more stoked that a guy’s trail is permanently on her neck. I hope badass Shay comes out more often. Maybe she’ll get Shaun White busting a move in or around her vagina next. Would that make her an honorary fire crotch?

Someone’s Mom passed out by an ashtray. SIA is for the young.

The new Capita stuff is great. Considering board graphics mean more to teenagers than grades, family or health these days, I don’t see why anyone would ride anything else. You just look cooler on a Capita.

Wanna’ prove you don’t care? That you’re just boarding because you love it? That powder is your mistress and tree runs are your bitch? Grab the new Mid-Life Zero. It looks like something Scotty Wittlake would have rode.

Almost got that tattoo. So glad I didn’t.

All of a sudden Ashbury announced the new Videograss teaser would be playing at 2PM. People freaked. A crowd gathered. Dinosaurs Will Die’s Sean Genovese and Dang Shade’s Jesse Burtner got their sad faces on knowing Think Thank didn’t draw this kind of crowd.

Lance Hakker was the only Ashbury owner to show up. Nima was in Vegas and Mike was somewhere playing with crayons. Anyway, Lance told everyone they would be showing three teasers: Keep the Change, that other VG movie and then Justin Meyer’s newest flick “The Darkside.” Keep the Change has my new favorite song in it and Nick Dirks is still getting drunk.

Chris Brewster got a Dinosaurs Will Die tattoo because he’s on their team now. Look at how focused they all are.

Robbie Sell wore this shirt during the day, then I saw it on Stephen Duke later that night. That’s all I know.

Attention girls, the jailbird look is in, and we love it.

Greg aka Rumorator got wicked all weekend. He taught us how to be married and not want to slit your wrists, how to smoke in cabs even when the cabbie is screaming at you, the secret to getting old and how to remain cool, calm and collected even when really gnarly, totally not OK stuff happens to you.

Nike threw a party. Here’s Austin Will being allowed the privilege of posing with his boss’s boss’s boss’s boss. This party was fun, except the smoke machines were on full tilt for hours and I’m pretty sure it gave everyone cancer.

Kendra from Ride was partying on another level and totally unaware that little boys were stealing her drinks all night.

Josh Parker’s tattoo partially showed up. He doesn’t own shirts with actual necks because 2004 told him not to. So if you see Parker, you get to see part of his tattoo and plenty of groomed chest hair too. It’s basically a double whammy we like to call, “The Tahoe Treat.”

See, here’s Stephen Duke that night, with the same shirt Robbie had on that day. My mind was blown, but that’s not important, what is is that Stephen Duke should be everyone’s favorite guy.

Chris Prosser, aka the guy that started Atmosphere, was there. He’s been living in some guido place in New York. Obviously he’s using his new Jersey Shore moves on this young lady.

Andrew Brewer, ladies and gentleman.

Johnny Lazz threw a party accidentally. A lot of people in this hotel did.

Oops, someone smoked in the elevator, hallway and hotel room causing an alarm that literally said, “ATTENTION, THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS ON THEIR WAY. ATTENTION, THERE IS A FIRE.” Then some angry hotel employee started pounding on doors and some of us were evacuated. In the end we saw a bunch of firemen strap on gas tanks and rush into the building to battle the fierce terror that is wafting second hand smoke.

While it’s never funny to cost taxpayers lots and lots of money by wasting the fire department’s time, it is hilarious to find out the kid that caused the whole damn mess is already wearing an ankle monitoring device. We weren’t sure how he wasn’t thrown into the slammer, but everything seemed good and he told us not to worry about it.

By 7AM Sunday morning Denver seemed relatively quiet. Many had left, for ISPO or home, while others slept awaiting a busy day of packing booths or traveling the globe. Because I had no idea how to get to the airport, why I had to pay for it or why I would ever go back to Chicago I decided to just sit, kick back and catch up with Marie Hucal until it was finally time to tell Denver to fuck off once again.

17 replies
  1. tro
    tro says:

    when I showed up to the strip club at 3 am I saw Johnny Lazz sitting head chair at the stage, his shirt off, stack of maybe $15 in singles, and he was rubbing a folded one on the booty hole of a stripper with the saggiest tits I’ve ever seen. That dude know hows to party.

  2. poop
    poop says:

    Now THAT’S an SIA post. Good shit. The Parker caption is fucking great, and Burtner looks like a slightly more attractive version of Binky from Smokin all of the sudden…

  3. snarf
    snarf says:

    best piece I’ve read in a very long time!

    in reference to the nike party, I do believe I’ve caught the black lung, pop

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