Intern Austin’s Opus

We’ve had a few interns here at Yobeat and believe it or not, some have gone on to real greatness. But with any unpaid job, it can’t go on forever, and as of Monday, Intern Austin has moved on with his life. Before he went though, we asked him to write one last piece about the saga that was his Yobeat internship. When it arrived in our inbox, we realized he’d left out a few key details, so we added them for him, in bold. Good luck in Brooklyn, Austin!

July 28. Sends me cold email reading:

I’ve been loving YOBEAT for a while now, and was wondering how you go about selecting your interns…

I would love to apply for the position when one opens up, but wasn’t able to find anything about jobs on the site.

Any advice / direction would be much appreciated.

Later that day. I respond, asking why the fuck I should hire him. He sends me a long, but mildly amusing email about himself and how he has an economics degree and wants to get into the snowboard industry. As the busy season is rapidly approaching, I am in need of an intern. I notice he lives near Chicago and suggest he meets up with Lipton for an official interview.

July 31. Emails to say he will call Lipton. It takes him several days to do so. Claims he will ride his bike through two of Chicago’s gnarliest ghettos to get to the interview. Lipton advises against it.

Sept. 5. Finally meets with with Nick and later told me he was unsure if he should wear a suit or not. Opts instead to bring his skateboard and younger brother. His little brother was concerned that he would not be getting paid. Nick reassures him. Lipton specifically makes it a point to put him in every fucked up situation possible, including writing emails to his current boss, hammered. It must have been a good time because once he gets to Portland, he tells the story on repeat. Anyway, he doesn’t piss of Lipton, who leaves him sleeping on a stranger’s couch with a napkin in his pocket that says, “You’re hired. Don’t blow it.”

9/9 Catch train from Chicago to L.A

9/12 Hollywood woman offers me money. Mistakes me for bum.

9/14 Catch train from L.A. to Portland. Conductor gives my seat away. Forced to sleep on floor with cardboard blanket. Mistaken for bum again.

9/15 Arrive in Portland with duct taped snowboard and garbage bag full of clothes. New boss laughs at me.

Actually, I thought it was amazing and gave him his first assignment — how to make a board bag. 

9/15 Move into Party Time Nate’s house. Find two used condoms in my room. One under bed. One on bookshelf.

9/16 Start working in YoBeat office. Meet Jared. Realize that talking is not allowed because it annoys Jared. Begin conducting all conversations through iChat, even when other person is sitting in the same room.

9/17 I decide to take him on a tour of the Portland snowboard industry, including stops at almost every brand. He is introduced to literally everyone who matters in Portland snowboarding. I tell him to make a video about it because he wants to be a “video guy” but he keeps trying to leave the camera in the car, because apparently:

Camera makes everyone I’m meeting immediately uncomfortable around me.

9/20 While at Holden, Mikey Leblanc invites me to tag along on the Videograss bus to Seattle.

9/22 Shows up at the office with beers because he is “going on a road trip.” Jared is not impressed. I take him to the Salomon office to get on the bus much like I am dropping off my kid at camp or for the first day of school. On the way…

I buy a bottle of Evan Williams for the bus. No one else will touch it. Drink it alone.

Scotty Wittlake tells him if he puts him in his video he will find him and slit his throat.

Get lost in Seattle. Piss off Brooke by calling her at 4:30 am for directions.

9/27 Brooke takes me skating. I get wrecked trying to skate tranny. Boss now feels unquestionably better than me at skateboarding, but still cannot ollie. I plan a street skating revenge.

9/29 I take him to more amazing Oregon skateparks and swimming. At this point I am pretty sure he thinks Portland is the best place on earth and I am the best boss ever. Duh.

9/30 Go back to Seattle for Capita/Think Thank premiere.

Stop at C3. Meets cool people including Blue Montgomery, Sean Tedore and George Kleckner. Get sushi lunch then go to K2, where he gets hooked up with brand new bindings because he mentions he needs some. Thanks Ryan. We drink beers at the K2 bar, then skate the K2 bowl. I am still better than him at skateboarding.

That night we watch the movies, drink free drinks on the tabs of Nike and Monster. Get way too drunk.

I tell him what to write the story about, and take all the photos. People like it.

10/1 Extremely hung over on car ride back. Make Brooke drive the whole way.

Ahem, passes out and also isn’t allowed to drive my car. I take him to get weed. We get ridiculously lost but finally arrive and he gets some weed. From here, I notice a serious drop in productivity.

10/7 Take a day trip to Seattle with Jared, tell him stories the whole way in an effort to make friends. Jared gets annoyed. Starts hating me more instead. Film Downtown Throwdown, edit video all night.

Decide I hate editing.

Decide I love editing again.

Brooke shits on my video. (I explain how the video could be better.)

Decide I hate editing.

10/20 Go to party at Instrument for the free booze. End up stealing peoples unattended tacos with Nate.

10/24 Decide to apply for food stamps.

Brooke strongly objects.

I start eating lots of tuna. Possible mercury poisoning symptoms follow.

I go to his house to tell him that while the first month of his internship was fun, it’s time to get serious and that he needs to get faster and better at everything. He tells me that he is “burnt out” and tired of looking at a computer screen all the time. I laugh.

10/25 I blow off my boyfriend and take Austin snowboarding instead. It’s above the clouds and amazing. Austin spends the first two runs complaining because his stance isn’t right. We have fun anyway.

10/26 Meet girl downtown. Drink too many margaritas on empty stomach. Discovered by Nate at 5AM with the front door wide open, no shirt on, laying in a puddle of beer and possibly piss. Did not get laid.

10/29 Get invited to San Francisco. Make twelve hour drive with Jared and Brooke. Listen to the entire Steve Jobs autobiography start to finish. Almost blow my brains out. Begin hating Apple just because the biography has a chapter for every fucking iProduct ever made. Paint pirate patch and mustache on face for Halloween.

10/30 Help film SF Downtown Throwdown with Pat Fenelon. Go to after party with Del Tron. Things are looking good. Bring extremely drunk girl back to YoBeat hotel room at 3AM (where Jared and I are sleeping, because she has to pee, not because he is going to get any) Jared hate reaches climax, he buys me a plane ticket home so he doesn’t have to drive with me.

10/31 Wash off severely smudged face paint from 10/29. Plane ride turns out to be way better than driving. Thanks Jared.

11/2 No longer allowed in Yobeat office.

Probably for the best considering he is still riding Nate’s bike with no brakes and it has started to rain. He is supposed to work from home and be online by 10 every morning. Occasionally makes it happen.

11/4 Asks me what size the images for the posts need to be, again. I explain I sent him the list on the first day of his internship.

11/9 Snowboardermag puts out its first Internview. Colleen happens to be in town so we hatch the brilliant idea to do our own version. I tell Austin to get to the office, and we film it that afternoon and Austin edits it that night. It is by far his finest work. Well, aside from this.

11/16 Asks me if I can pull any strings and to get him a Meadows Pass at the early purchase rate because he managed to miss the deadline.  I give him the media contact, assuming he will not hear back. He ends up getting a free pass to Meadows.

11/17 Get Intern lightning bolt tattoo by Nate at 4:17am. Nate instagrams tat.

Brooke calls in morning and tells me I’m dumb. Jared hate escalates to unforeseen levels.

11/18 I take him out to lunch and tell him he has a bad attitude and needs to try harder to find a paying job. Also, I suggest that we may be sick of hearing about Barcelona. He tells me “no, I have a really good attitude,” and that no one has ever found his stories annoying before.

11/23 Funds start running VERY low. Tuna now too expensive. Start the switch to 99 cent jambalaya mix. Surprisingly delicious.

11/24 Find large pile of used syringes down the street from my house

11/27 I take him and RJ on a mandatory intern shred day. I hand Austin a GoPro to film us, even though we’re snowboarding poorly and come up with the brilliant idea to do a story based on the ridiculous things RJ is saying and use the video for that. Austin makes the video, we tell him to take out some of the worst clips, he gets grumpy and says there’s no point even making it.

11/29 Turned down from the Dollar Tree. 25 dropped resumes do nothing. Realize that a college education doesn’t get you shit in Portland. The bartenders have fucking PHD’s.

Note: A college education doesn’t get you shit anywhere right now, especially when you don’t try very hard.

11/30 Get sick. Possibly malnourished.

Tells me he is taking the day off because he is sick. I say fine, but Nick gives him an assignment and tells him he works from home so he should roll over, open his computer, and write the paragraph he needs. Two days later, Nick still hasn’t seen the write up. Once it comes in, Nick completely rewrites it before letting Austin post.

12/1 Brooke gives me an ultimatum.

I tell him his internship is over December 16th, at which point he will either start getting paid or we will wish him well and send him on his way. He says, “Can we make it the 14th” as he has already booked a ticket back to Chicago for a TWO WEEK Christmas break.

Come to grips with probably getting fired.

12/2 I am back east for a week and give him a list of things to accomplish, including send 5-10 ideas on Monday (12/5) and have a review of the Grumpy Jacket he got for free from Airblaster in the grounds he would review it, done by Friday. (12/9)

12/5 Wank it.

12/7 I asks how the ideas that were due Monday are coming. He says they are coming along and will type them up from his note book. They are bad. Really bad. Austin insists they are good.

12/9 Apparently uses Nate’s chickens to finally film the jacket review. It appears on vimeo around 2 am.

12/12 Check bank account. Realize I only have $47 left.

12/12 Lipton is in town. We call him into the office to discuss his future with Yobeat. We break the news we won’t be featuring the product review. We also tell him he is no longer our intern and is now a contributor who will get paid when he produces stuff we want to use. Nick assigns him to write this story.

12/14 Emails us to thank us for the opportunity and tell us that he has taken some economics job in Brooklyn where he is focusing on paying off his loans, but still plans on writing for Yobeat, even though he won’t be snowboarding.

12/15 Get on a plane back to Chicago.

Relive all the other memories of Austin’s internship right here!

9 replies
  1. rachel
    rachel says:

    Bye Austin!! Good luck. I always thought you were fun. Hope the new job works out. Come back to Portland when you’re getting PAID and we’ll go record shopping.

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