Thanksgiving and Snowboarding Through the Ages

Thanksgiving and snowboarding, it’s a relationship as unique, special and important as any other. Turkey day spans centuries, hell, it’s older than snowboarding. It’s even older than America. That’s why it’s important that each and every one of you enjoy this feast of feasts. Maybe you’re saying to yourself, “Fuck this.” Well no, fuck you. Thanksgiving is when resorts open, so be thankful. Thanksgiving is about waiting and waiting and waiting until you go all out until it hurts, just like opening day. Thanksgiving is about excess in any and all realms of the imagination. Sort of like how you’re going to break your wrist thinking you’re the shit after a fall of snowboard videos. So sit-down and listen up, even the international crowd should get a load of this.

How to appropriately spend Thanksgiving according to age group:

Family Years

This applies to all of you 18 or under. You’re in school, your Mom makes sure you’re ok when you’re sick, basically you don’t know shit and if you do, you’re busy hustling up some grub right now and not enjoying Daddy’s free Wifi. So, this Thanksgiving try to get some boarding in, but if you can’t, it’s not your fault, Mom and Dad set the rules, after all.

*If you have a car get your ass to the hill.


Sure, you’re on your own now. I mean, you’ve got your own spot, you make your own rules. So what if Dad pays for it right? Wrong. Dad pays for everything, so the same rules apply to you as they do to your 16 year-old brother.

Oh, you didn’t go to college? Then today is obviously spent one of two ways:

1) Serving food at the lodge, silently crying over Mom’s sweet texts.
2) Violently drunk, puking, stoned out of your mind, wondering where this “secret” trail leads.

Real Life

You’ve finally entered into your own life. This can happen anytime after the college years. These days kids suck so much it’s hard to figure out when we really get our own lives. Just look at how Occupy Wall Street turned out, obviously our parents were better at protesting. Moving on. So, what the hell do you want to do? Snowboard? Maybe, sort of expensive though right? Fuck it, let’s go, we’ll get dinner at Brad’s girlfriend’s house, I hear she’s cooking the full spread. Just make sure to bring something alcoholic.


Good news, you can do whatever you want. That’s it, that’s all.

Family Years

After the pounding headache your now elderly parents created for you, you’ll get to deal with your bundle of joy yelling and bitching about wanting to go snowboarding. You’ll fondly remind yourself of how fun it was taking turns and landing phat tindy’s. If this is you, just take the family snowboarding already, or, deal with the fact that your life is going to suck until you enter the grave.

  • troll

    good god no sneaking a beer lipton im dissapointed in you

  • upstatemike.

    pretty much on point.

  • Fonzie

    Pretty astute observations / commentary. I’m thankful for adulthood.

  • tedore

    Peetard’s Kitchen

  • dick

    “our parents were better at protesting” hahahahaha