Forget about your Nike’s, your Cobra Sharks, reverse camber, tight-kneed pants, flannels and balaclavas. All that shit is old news. Last season you tried to stand out, but once again just blended into the masses of trying-real-hard-but-still-not-getting-noticed kids. If you’re going to convince everyone at your home zone that you’re in and making it this season you’re going to need the following:
—Gas station attendant jacket. Bonus points if it has a name patch or some ironic logo.
—Stickers of some company so new they can only be had by someone who spent the summer on Mt Hood.
—Obscure town hat. Any town will do.
—Mittens. No one’s wearing gloves anymore, especially after all this JP walker hate/heat. Who would be caught dead with spirit fingers. Also mittens allow you to keep your hands warm and safe and still wear flea market jewelry.
Now the right look will get you pretty far with the on lookers as you walk to the lift, but if you want to maintain your street cred you’re going to have to put down a few moves here and there. Try:
–fs blunt to forward (See Jed Anderson 17 secs)
– fs noseblunt sameway 270
–Spin in pretzel 360 out
–Tuck knee late method
–Unnecessary gap to rail. In other words, gapping midway onto a down or flat rail.
–360 seatbelt. Bonus points if it’s over a rail.
–Ollie over the front of the rail. Show everyone that you probably skateboard and can ollie high.
–Oh and most importantly, you never hike. If this is a pre-opening kind of a gig and you must hike make sure you’re hitting the feature no more than three times in one hour. You don’t need to be out there sweating your ass off for hit after hit, you’ve already got all the key moves locked.
This list will probably get you through the first month of winter, but once the edits start rolling out across the country be ready to either start hating on new and crazy moves, referring to yourself as a “purist” or join up and start pushing it. If some of this sounds out of your league or unaffordable, it’s best you wait until your area is almost completely open and there’s some out-of-the-way groomers you can go cruise around on for a while until all the early season bro down session heat wears off and you can blend back into mediocrity with you’re tail press bs 180s and hoodie/flannel combos of late. This 2012 Must Have guide was brought to you by Buysnow.com, now shipping all your 2012 gear needs, but not the skills to actually snowboard.