Hump Day Memories with Dylan Alito

Moonlighting. Photo: Ryan Boyes

Dylan Alito may be a kid who does (and wins) contests from Breckenridge, but he’s no jock. As a part-owner of Hobo Shredwear and hard-slammin’ 32 and Volcom am, Dylan is more likely to be found cruising with the homeys and fucking shit up than lapping Park Lane. For this Hump Day, we just threw some random questions and em and wham, bam, thank you ma’am, he swung back.

E: When was the last time you shit your pants?

D: I actually sharted twice at d park the other night.

E: What is more American than being a Lumber Jack?

D: A TSA agent. What’s more American than working against terrorism….and not doing a correct job!

E: How have you be spending your summer?

D: Best skate trip to Oregon then Cali, Cali one mo gain, Oregon one mo gain. Skating and stroking sqwee, fishing, drinkin’ like a fish, shootin’ and about to top it off wit my 21 birthday in Vegas!

E: Standard requirements for living out of a board bag.

D: Gotta pack light, didn’t even use one before this year, but it came in handy in Oregon when I bought 25 VHS tapes at a yard sale and had to bring em home.

Life in the streets. Photo: Rob Mathis

E: What’s it like knowing a playmate?

D: Well we always had the dopest playboy collection growing up, in middle school my horny friends hell bound with hormones would always rummage through and line up outside the bathroom to jerk it! Haha sex education. But mother is the most amazing woman in the world, and the fact that she worked for playboy always got my homies on the search for her, but no one’s ever correctly found her except for Ebony, the Volcom girls tm. She also found this creepy millionaire searching for her a couple years ago haha, I said she should get on it. Doder needs a Porsche!

E: What the fuck is ZSC?

D: ZEE SPLEEF CRUE. You know what we do.

E: Why were you not riding in Hot Dogs and Hand Rails last year?

D: Cause ZSC was congregating in my car when security rolled up and decided to ruin the party.

E: How did you get involved with Hobo?

D: Pretty much from the start. My buddy Taylor pretty much started it, him Jacob and Colin. But Taylor was the most motivated. He got the first beanies made and did the first logos. We would all pitch some extra money when we had it to get stuff made like face masks that year and maybe some hoodies…but then Taylor quit and Hobo kinda died for a year. But then Colin started making made shit and going to business classes and killing it with the blog and everything. So since I been riding for them from the start and always trying to be involved, as well as every other rider is, I decided to invest money into it and buy a small portion from Colin. It’s super sick, we’ve got some real cool shit in the works for the next couple years. Making moves like Jeffery Dahmer on a young black boy.

Photo: Rob Mathis

E: What was your living situation like last summer?

D: SQAD SPOT! Three dudes in a one bedroom basement, skate park in the drive way, meth heads up stairs… straight cooking too! They’d be up longer than us, 4 am then they’d be up at 9 am mowing the lawn or fixing the car!

E: Are you on the run form the Aryan Brotherhood?

D: No need to run. Blue eyes, check. Blonde hair, check.

E: In detail, describe what happened at that Burton party a few years back.

D: I can’t or else I’ll never be invited to another party! Bad enough when anything goes wrong your homies think it’s you! Couple years ago someone took Blake Reid’s door off the hinges at a party and I’m pretty sure he still thinks it’s me, It’s not me, but it is funny! But in my own defense Jake Burton basically invented or better yet capitalized on snowboarding. And because of being a shit ass and skate ‘n snowboarding my whole life feeling the need to fuck shit up, I had to fuck that party up! That being said he some what invented me making him the creator of all the damage and the bill! haha. Thanks for the good times Jake, I enjoy snowboarding and partying in Breckenridge million dollar mansions!

E: What did this past 4th of July consist of?

D: Camping with the sickest crew DEEP in the Oregon woods. Gotta give props to you and Ryan for finding that spot Enzo! We built a Barge out of fallen trees in the lake, swam, drank, caught n shot salamanders! Best 4th EVER!

E: What was your reason on bring glass bottles camping with you?

D: Tastes better, but you can’t find that same classic Coors taste that you get in Colorad… so next time I’ll bring the shitty shit.

Dylan loves the woods. Photo: Ryan Boyes

E: What the fuck up with your baby duck?

D: That’s fucked up, what up! MS. CUHH PRECIOUS DARK WING WADDLETON T.I.P. we miss you! She was a beautiful baby white pekon! I contracted a case of mono from some sorta skanky! I couldn’t skate or anything for a month and there was five of us living in a one bed room apartment in keystone. So I decided to get a pet, got Cuhh for 7 bucks from the feed store, took her everywhere with us! She would sit on your shoulder then climb into your beanie and sleep on top of your head! But she was super attached to all of us, especially me and my buddy Cheese. I would have to sleep with my hand in the cage to calm her down, first mistake was I didn’t get her a companion. One night she got out of the cage and tried to nestle up against Chedda on the ground n she got suffocated. We buried her under a lift at Keys though, and pour one out for her every morning and remember her on every ride. I will get two ducks again some day and make sure they get done extra right in memory of cuhh… crispy! haha jk.

E: Wild turkeys, buzz saws, and DDBD?

D: DDBD. DRUNK DUDES BAD DECISIONS! Wild turkey, drunk manuever but possibly good idea? Get naked tuck so sack back, run around like a turkey floppin your gobble back n forth! Buzz saws that move that hits the ladies right every time!

E: Bishop and you to Matt Ryan’s house in Blue River?

D: Door checking cones all the way up 5 miles into Blue River. Big cones, the big drum looking ones, I was hitting em into the middle of the road then Josh was like one more, just one more. I was like “word.” Gave him a lil swerve and he nailed one that must have been full of cement or sand or water cause it dented the fuck out the door and shattered the window out! I couldn’t even be mad cause I allowed the one mo gain!

E: Board Room?

D: Best shop ever! Vince Sanders is a legend! He was in the first snowboard video ever made. And possibly the only person to drop the holy cross in Colorado. He hikes and handles gnarly shit. He was my first sponsor and got me hooked up with never summer, Technine and Electric. Helped out with Volcom. Radest dude all around though, I look up to that man so much. The shop went under but the good people at Never Summer put him to work. JJ Thomas and MFM used to ride for him back in the day, Vince knows what’s up! That place was my second home. No other shop feels the same.

Training. Photo: Ryan Boyes

E: I you were to give me 10% of your winnings from this past season how much would you give me?

D: $1,325

E: Why did my girlfriend have to babysit you, in the woods, four years ago? Why did you smoke all her ciggs?

D: Because I was acting like a werewolf, going blind, rolling in the dirt ,with a witch trying to cast a spell on me! Or was I? There’s something funky growing in them Oregon woods! I’m lucky you have such a caring girl! Thanks for putting up with all my shit always, Shay!

E: What is your most prized pick and poke tatt?

D: Well the MOM one holds much sentimental value cause I love mother and Billy Mackey gave it to me and I love Billy. When doing keg stands it says wow. Mom pointed that out then we made her do a keg stand ha. I also like the pirate sword on my arm, everyone thinks it’s a cock! But that was my first, my buddy T-Dur did it to me in the hallway at high school with material we stole from the art room. I gave him an anarchy symbol.

E: Good squad 666?

D: Brand on my foot. Me ‘n all the goons from Evergreen decided to get that shit drilled in so we’ll always remember the good times no matter what we do.

E: Billy Mackey Or Josh Bishop?

D: Billy used to pick on me, I used to pick on Josh… I think we all need each other! Josh for looks, Billy for smell. No, Billy for looks, Josh for smell. Those are two angry, stinky, beautiful, cig smokin’ Mother Fuckers! I love em.

E: Where is home for this season?

D: Back in the backwoods of Co.

E: Shouts?

D: Lazz shouts louder get that fool to do it!

Weeeeeee! Photo: Ryan Boyes

19 replies
  1. Colin
    Colin says:

    Those are two angry, stinky, beautiful, cig smokin’ Mother Fuckers! I love em…. Heard That

  2. brr
    brr says:

    dylan, dont ever worry about the door itd been 4 years ago.. i know it aint you, but still curious to who upper deckered the toilet the day before we moved out. that was slick

  3. Vman
    Vman says:

    When I first saw Dylan’s Volcom window treatment at a shop my heart filled with pride. The success and recognition Dylan is receiving is well deserved. He always rode for his love of snowboarding and nothing else!

  4. The Doctor
    The Doctor says:

    Vman- If You didn’t show Dylan the heartbeat of snowboarding…he would never be able to hold any other job besides a snowboarder. Glad to see that he still gets to shred everyday!

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