Old Gold: Todd Richards’ Greatest Hits


Once upon a time, the oldest and most bitterly hilarious dude we know, Todd Richards used to answer sometimes pressing, but mostly inane questions every week for us. These days, he’s either in an old folks home, or too busy running some bullshit productuct review site that actually only posts videos because they “get the hits.” But as this summer is dragging along, we got misty eyed about Todd’s glory days and decided to bring back a few hits. (Different hits than Todd wants on his website.)

From The Salad Days

I noticed you have a big house and are presumably rich in Part 1 of your new movie. What was life like in your early 20′s, before snowboarding really paid out for you?

The salad days? That’s when snowboarding was truly a free money giveaway. Just look at any old mag, there were so many pro models in there. Each of those dudes was getting paid more than the kids now, and at least 89% of them were terrible at actually riding a snowboard. I myself had a big disposable income, which was nice, but my mom made me buy a house right away. Thanks mom. When I first started I didn’t have shit, I was basically eating ramen all the time and bumming for rides or gas money from people. I would trade a lot of my product for money. I guess that’s called selling but I thought of it more as a trade. I was living in Boulder in the shitty part of town driving to Vail five days a week. I was making maybe $2500 a month, maybe.

From Bored Yet?

Should all snowboarders learn to skate? Should snowboarders ever rollerblade?

The real question we have to ask is does it even matter? As of recently much of snowboarding is about two steps away from rollerblading anyhow. I say we should all learn how to Heeley. They are way more practical. I hear there is Heeley mega ramp this summer at X Games.

From BP Oil Spill

When I say “BP Oil Spill” what comes to mind?

A baseball bat, a pair of hedge clippers,and some duck-tape, oh and chocolate chip cookies. The cookies are for me though. The rest is for the CEO of British Petroleum.

From Virginity!

Would you rather have lost your virginity to your girlfriend at Prom or to a friend in Junior High after sharing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade?

Junior High is like the standard now for sure. I was a prom guy, or around that time. I was like four feet tall in High School and a skater back in the late 80′s. Not really the best combanation for awesomeness. I was lucky if I could show it to someone.

From North Korea

Would a nuke launched by North Korea have the power to get anywhere? How will the world react to a North Korean nuclear strike?

I somehow picture like 700 roman candle rockets fucking duct taped to like a Home Depot bucket with the nuke shit all fucking masking taped together in there. Either that or like strapped to the back of a pelican. Shit I don’t know, seems that little weirdo has been practicing shooting his little type of dong rockets out into the ocean for everyone to see. I figure they have about as much a chance of reaching anywhere of consequence as the chicks of Rock of Love bus have in being able to spell the word consequence.

From Summa Time

Would you rather live in constant winter without a coat, or be a wakeboarder?

Nick, isn’t your state of mind “constant winter without a coat ” you do seem very emotionally taxed 98% of the time. It’s as if someone ran over your puppy every day of your life.

From Racial Profiling

What do you think of the sweeping immigration bill passed in Arizona this week? (The one allowing cops to arrest illegal immigrants, use racial profiling and basically just be dicks to Mexicans.)

It’s fucked, but if a drug war is about to spill into our country we need to do something, but asking peeps for papers isn’t the answer. Think about poor Java driving through Arizona on his way to Colorado. He gets pulled over and can’t prove he has papers. Straight back to the motherland. Wait, he may be Spanish, never mind. Pretty much it was a call for help. I think it will be overturned. I wonder what will happen if us citizens just started tunneling into Canada at an alarming rate? Like just leaving Vermont for a better life in Montreal.

From iPad

Does Todd Richards think we should buy the iPad?

Well, I think that if you want another iPhone that will make you feel like you are the size of a midget, then yes. Or if you get one for free. Don’t get me wrong, I desire one, but than again if Steve Jobs shit a white shit I would want that too.

HOLY SHIT. Todd had a lot of hits. At this point seems like we can milk another week out of this shit, so we’ll leave it at that. If you want to beat us to it, read all of Todd’s answers here.

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