Summer Project: Take Over the Internet

Wishing you were at Hood? Screw it, we’ve got a project for you. Read the following and you’ll get all the boards, all the cool friends and blah, blah, blah you’ve ever wanted. So, put down the video games, turn off the TV and tell your friends all about your new site at the party tonight. Here are the top secret rules to becoming an internet king, media juggernaut and cool dude-guy according to research, experience and the always popular rumor mill.

It may not be pretty, but it could be profitable…

Read Everything: Read facebook, read Twitter, read blogs, sites and whatever. Why? Because that’s how you’ll find out what to post. New video on whatever.com? Post it. Oh, article on some dude? Facebook him for an article. Fresh idea? Use it. There more you know, the more you’ll have to post. Sooner or later a bunch of assholes will add you to “the media list” which you’ll be stuck on forever. Prior to absolutely hating “the list” you’ll enjoy the benefits of SIA invites, random super crappy swag, more content ideas and a full inbox.

Exclusive Content: Now that everything is social, shareable and posted on Facebook before any media site the cool thing to do is have “exclusive content.” How do you do it? Either convince some cool dudes (more on this later) to film shit just for your site, or pay money, trade services or maybe get on your knees for the exclusive 14 minutes you’ll get before everyone else figures out how to steal the embedded code. Those 14 minutes will be sweet though, and you’ll make at least 11 cents off Google Ads.

If a nerd like this can run the web, so can you…

Hire Interns and Old Boarders: We know, it seems highly unlikely that you can hire anyone seeing as you’re just starting out. Here’s the trick, pretend like you’re a big deal, or, just have a site. Now you can hire interns to run things like Twitter, Facebook and whatever other social media devices you think will help you become a sensation. Where do you find these people? High School and College. They’re looking for work, they’re hungry and they’ll work for free. Just ask any magazine ever. Second, Old Boarders. These guys need work. They want to be in the spotlight. Best part, they know everything that ever happened. Get them to write a column and bam, you’ve already got the attention of everyone on their Facebook account.

Be Bad and Break the Rules: The future is yours, obviously, ‘cuz you’re about to run the net. So do things your way. If you want to post a nip-slip from whatever pro, or pro-ho, then do it. If you want to interview people and be a bad person about it, then do it. It doesn’t matter. No one will read anything over 140 characters anyway. Need proof? No one is still reading this article…


Ski mask? Jacket? Chain? Two Tall Tees? Obviously a snowboarder.

Steal, A Lot: This is simple. If you see something you like, from content to ideas, just steal it. Everyone does. From the big mags to the little blogs. If you run a good story, you’ll be sure to see the same damn thing a day or so later on whatevermagazine.com. If you have a good idea, boom, expect to see it somewhere else shortly. Case in point, you’re either a thief, or a victim.

Know People and Pros: This is about snowboarding right? So people probably want to hear about snowboarders, yeah? Well, get to know some dudes. Intimidated? Think it’ll be hard? No way, you’re a media guy now. Facebook everyone. Send random emails. Try this line, “Hey whatever your name is, I run blah blah website and we’d just love to interview you.” Seriously, it’ll work, or they’ll say, “Fuck you, I read the last sentence of that Yobeat article too.”

5 replies
  1. Chris Shields
    Chris Shields says:

    ‘Case in point, you’re either a thief, or a victim.’ Sooooooo true. Even with filming or photography.. Everyone is just copying eachother.. To a extent. I hate when I go out and film or edit something a different way and see someone do the same shit. Can’t think hard about it. Good article eather way.

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