Story Time with Uncle Russ Russ: Devirginized Part 2

Uncle Russ in the line up, front and center. Photo:

When we last left Russ, he was in Whistler for the Westbeach Classic, hanging out with the legendary Mack Dawg for the first time. It seemed he may have blown his big shot by starting a bar fight with Shawn Farmer, but the 90s were a special time and Russ is a special guy…

The next day Noah Salaznek showed up and Dogger asked me if I wanted to film with them. I think the Canadian homies had told him about my shreddin. We decided to go to the wind lip. If you don’t know about the wind lip. You better ask somebody…

Apparently only skiers film on the Wind Lip these days, so this crash is all you’re gonna get.

It was me Salaz, The Fizz , Perata, Sean Johnson, Mark Morriset and Sean Kerns. I was so fired up all I could think was “go big and land. “The only problem was my head was pounding from boozing so hard. I guess this is part of being Gnarly. Salaz was doing all sorts of frontside and backside spins, I think Kerns was keepin it real skatey and Morrey was hella smooth. Johnson oh Johnson. That boy was spinnin way more then anybody I had ever seen or heard, I think like 7 or 9. (Now remember this was 1991.) I hiked up a little higher then everybody and just pointed it. I was hungry as fuck! All I remember is Floating backwards fully tweaked in a backside three Melon.. Stomped it. THANK YOU JESUS!

Citta, where the magic really happens.

Whistler has a outdoor bar called Citta where it goes down for après. Kerns was telling us about some chick he went home with the night before and got nuthin. So after a quick shower and some food we went to the club. Once we walked in the door there was the chick who I think Kerns went home with the night before and she was eyeballin’ me. He had told me a tech, “Just get in bed with her and tell her that you will keep your clothes on.” So after some not-so-stealth tongue action I told her that there were so many dudes in my room and she quickly offer me up a place to crash for the night… TEED UP!

I followed her out and was just trying to hold it down because once again I was HAMMERED! When we got back to her place, she got in bed. I was standing in front of her she was already in the bra and panties. I mumbled to her, “I can just sleep with my clothes on.” She replied, “You don’t have too.” So like in Europe the my clothes were being ripped off and spiked on the floor! I dove in to bed and HANDLED IT FOR AWHILE. Whiskey POLE! The next morning I woke up wondering where I was until I looked over and saw the long blond hair of last night’s exercise partner, then I looked at the clock. CRAP. The contest starts in an hour.

Original Westbeach classic art via

I moved like a jack rabbit. Made it to the half pipe and they had closed practice. Fuck that practiced hit, I thought. Dropped in for my run and did real well, right to the finals. The finals were stacked with all the big named Canadians. My first run was good but I crashed in the second and ended up tenth place. I will take it though, I was fuckin’ exhausted. That night I took it easy, only stayed out until 11 or so.

The next morning it was time to film!!! Backside 180 tuck knee Japans over the snow fences then to the quarter pipe. I think Perata wanted to see me wreck myself cause he would be like hit that thing switch! OK! Backside switch melons and all sorts of stuff. It’s amazing the things we can make ourselves do for fame…

5 replies
  1. Colin
    Colin says:

    Best thing I could have read this morning. I wish I grew up in the 90’s snowboarding, sounds a shit ton cooler then nowadays

  2. Hride
    Hride says:

    I thought you really were Russell Winfield up until you said you only stayed out until 11 on the third day. Nice try, impostor.

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