Every snowboarder at one point or another wants to be a big deal. Hell, even Scotty Wittlake was in a video game. To help our readers obtain their dreams we enlisted countless interns, logged thousands of hours at the library and investigated every claim in this next article with a fine tooth comb to find out what the probably outcome of going pro is according to geographic location, enjoy.
For all you know this is Colorado’s top pro…
You are doomed to a life of utter normalcy and heartbreak. With the exception of a hot streak in the contest circuit Â you’ll be incapable of standing out in any way. Eventually that thing you won that one time won’t impress anyone. You will fade away, slowly losing the last of your quirky Denver based sponsors. Eventually you will bartend in Breckenridge.
As an East Coaster you’ll never understand why people laugh at your cool Boston tattoo.
If you don’t move West, you can expect your life to go a little like this: Go to college, knock up wife, be an extra in an inspirational sports movie.
After getting a house with everyone you’ve ever met snowboarding the group splits three ways. One group goes to Colorado and are never heard from again. Another begins stalking Â the Utah scene, and one friend (not you) goes Man Am. The other third never leaves home. FedEx becomes a great job with loads of opportunity for upward mobility.
After “moving” to Tahoe and “moving” into a house occupied by some fifty dirtbags you get stoned. It feels good. When you wake up it’s six months later, you’re really good in the Northstar park, you totally scored with that one girl from Reno and you’ve even picked up a sponsor. With your friends hoody company backing your shit you eventually get background props in Transworld. Life begins to look bleak around 27.
I sorta quit filming after I moved to Portland. I’m just so busy now with my bike company. Â – some big pro guy
Oh, you live in Portland? You’re obviously a super-pro, but whatever, snowboarding is just your hobby. What you really love is (insert modern hip craft project or whatever here).
You’ll go pro, make it big, move to Portland, start a micro brew company. Or, you’ll make edits for Yobeat.
Baker scene: You get sponsored by Burton. Your career dies but you don’t care ‘cuz you’re all about the ride man. Seattle scene: You’re Asian! You go pro. You’re white? You go to college and the internet hates your edits.
Like this even needs a comment…
Do you live in LA or Big Bear? If Big Bear, you’ll go pro for Technine and pay rent with the weed you grow. In LA you’ll forget about snowboarding cuz’ Kobe is doing something, the surfs up, wait no you have a wrist band for that one party, oh shit can’t make it cuz’ the company you started has a tradeshow to hit, oh fuck scratch that some D list celeb invited me to a B list club.
After filming the heaviest backcountry line to date Burton, Oakley, Redbull and Matador Beef Jerky all offer you deals. They are used as kindling for your fireplace and napkins to clean the blood from last nights hunt.
This is where men go to die.
You single-handedly build the best all-wood park this side of East Germany. Your career, goals and ambition die as you tend to it for the next 50 winters.
Can you spot Jed Anderson? What about Ben Bilocq?
Congrats, you go pro by default. Every TM in Canada offers you anything you want as long as you promise to try hard. By 24 you’ve become an alcoholic and the internet calls you a washup.
Congrats, you speak French. You’re already pro, but for a company no one has ever heard of. You’ll be pro for an American company after your friend says your good. You film for Videograss and develop a niche style. You’ll be an underground superstar.
Congrats, you’re either Jed Anderson or you’re not.
The awkward part is we’ve all seen those sunglasses at some resort.
You give snowboarding the effort a black kid from the ghetto gives basketball. Everyone you know goes Man Am for Burton, Forum or Burton. One guy from that one country gets on Salomon. Five of the original 800 go pro. No one cares that you’re insanely talented and you become a has-been by 25. That Salomon guy is now on DC and makes more money than the original 800 combined.
A life of indoor snowboarding and weapons training makes your homemade Youtube video an instant internet meme. Your uncle, the one that’s rich, buys a small chinese city and turns it into a snowboard factory. You become the second biggest snowboarding celebrity in Dubai, second only to Shaun White. You enjoy a lucrative career that lasts for more than 30 years. No one in America knows you as anything other than, “Backflip AK47 Guy” on Youtube.
Increasingly dangerous dares make you and your friends the gnarliest snowboarders on earth. The one that is still alive at 18 goes on to impress Americans and enjoy two full years of stardom. Beer, women and BBQ ruins your career and life.
You make global headlines when you enter the Olympic Boardercross competition. You are entirely forgotten about in seven days.
https://yobeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Going_Pro.jpg304640Nick Liptonhttp://yobeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/yobeatdotcomsite.jpgNick Lipton2011-04-29 11:53:532011-04-29 15:22:16What Happens to your Career in...