CNN Has Nothing Better to Cover than Shaun White

It’s hard to fill every hour of every day with real news. I mean, there’s only so many different ways you can say “job killing health care bill” before people get bored. But CNN managed to kill 10 minutes of today with this Shaun White biopic. For more on this breaking story, we turn to our official Shaun White correspondent, Shaun Blanco.

HOOO! Looks who’s back in the news. It’s The Flying Tomato. Hey everybody it’s Shaun White. And here’s part of the story you’ve never heard… Get it on CNN: Revealed.

I’m trying to wrap my mind around why Shaun White: Revealed is on CNN right now. Getting stoked for those FIS contests I suppose. But there are some Gems in here, like when he mentions that a lot of people can’t handle the crowd expecting new things from them. He should have just said, “yeah a lot of people can’t handle being me, I’m pretty amazing. I mean look at the way Kevin Pearce crumbled under pressure.”

Don’t feel committed to watching this, I took the time to do so and pulled the highlights for you.

Things you’re going to see in this hackumentary:
– Shaun White talking about how awesome his life is
– Shaun’s brother Jessie talking about how awesome Shaun is
– Jake Burton talking about how riders are pushing the sport
– Shaun talking about how awesome Burton is
– Jake talking about how Shaun is pushing the sport more than any other rider.
– Shaun will admit that snowboarding is not fun for him
– Jake will conveniently not mention the “if it’s not fun, why do it?” messaging
– Shaun will talk about being driven by contests
– Jessie will talk about Shaun being driven by contest
– Bud Keene will try to fulfill his role as the Phil Jackson of snowboarding
– A shot of a Gnu snowboard?
– Shaun will claim he knows how to read

A couple other key items to mention are the British accent of the narrator to give the show some more clout, or to possibly make you think CNN is real news like the BBC. You’ll also see Transworld’s editor-at-large opening her mouth like it even matters.

In fact, this whole program reminded me of a Transworld article. All the footage was provided by sponsors and advertisers, The “editorial” is provided by someone nobody even knows, all claims are ridiculous, all the riders input is strictly worthless sound bites we’ve heard a million times before, and they call it important.

Be sure to drink some Red Bull, buy some Oakleys, ride Burton, and watch the video here.

33 replies
  1. iwc
    iwc says:

    “ahhh so thats who invented the switch bs 9. ive always wondered where that trick came from.” hahahahahaha
    And just for the record, I-pod’s double mctwist 12 looks WAY better than Shaun’s. And didn’t Kevin Pearce land a double mctwist in June ’09?

  2. Jimbo
    Jimbo says:

    “Snowboarding Legend”

    I think that term is being used a bit loosely here…. Maybe like a Pete-Rose-meets-Adolf-Hitler type of legend

  3. mn
    mn says:

    i watched through the intro, and had enough.
    1. “Shaun will claim he knows how to read”- so fucking funny
    2. “You’ll also see Transworld’s editor-at-large opening her mouth like it even matters.”
    – also hilarious.

    overall, shaun white is ruining boarding, but at least dudes like austin smith are keeping it alive

  4. Stealth
    Stealth says:

    People should be used to this coverage by now. It’s just a typical butt kissing, sponsorship-paid for (note how many times Oakley was mentioned) ad like a lot of popular athletes get. Hate him all you want but if it wasn’t for Shaun snowboarding probably wouldn’t be getting half the coverage or dollars it’s getting. Besides if his coverage is a problem then your only adding to it by wasting a whole page and commentary about him. Good or bad coverage is key.

  5. Laney Rogers
    Laney Rogers says:

    It always slays me when people say Shaun is ruining boarding. How does snowboarding becoming a billion dollar business “ruin” things. Any busines that is growing in today’s economy is a good thing. It wouldn’t be growing it weren’t for the exposure its gets from today’s great riders, specifically Shaun White. And it’s a matter of opinion whether IPOD’s McTwist looks “better” or not. One thing that is not opinion, but fact, IPOD couldn’t stay on his feet at the Olympics to make a run at a medal, and NO ONE came close to pushing Shaun.

  6. rumorator
    rumorator says:

    Who said Shaun White was ruining snowboarding?

    What is being hit on here is the ridiculousness of this kind of “coverage.” It’s straight up absurd.

  7. poopface
    poopface says:

    c’mon Shaun… you don’t “expect everyone in China to know” you?! Don’t be so modest… I am sure they do. All 1.3 billion of them.

  8. Jimbo
    Jimbo says:

    How does snowboarding becoming a billion dollar industry ruin the sport you ask? How abot the fact that many boards (including Burton) are now made overseas with shitty materials in some poorly ventilated factory by the same people who stitch snuggies… Thats pretty much the only way to turn a profit these days

  9. rumorator
    rumorator says:

    But Jimbo,

    Cheaper board production means more boards for less, which leads to more boards in the hands of weekend warriors, which means mean more money in the pockets of shareholders which, and slightly more money in the R&D, which means more super tech boards like the Method and the Banana Hammock (you know, the shit common people ride) and of course more money for advertisers to tell you you need these boards, which leads to even more money for shareholders.

    Shaun White is SAVING snowboarding.

  10. wain
    wain says:

    Shaun brings more money into this “sport” than anyone else to ever live. It’s a good thing for snowboarding since most of us wouldn’t be snowboarding if it wasn’t portrayed the way Shaun helps portray the sport. Pretty much every “extreme sport” has a poster boy, remember Tony Hawk? You can complain all you want but Shaun White is a fucking robot who lands everything, wins everything and ordinary folks dig that. In return he brings in those people who otherwise would never try snowboarding, which brings more $$ for the industry. Unless you haters want to still ride in sorels and baseless bindings, more money is better.

    On another note, China is about to take over the world, and if Shaun gets all those little people hooked on snowboarding, they might just take over the sport too.. Which will be good for the time being, from what I’ve heard the snowboard industry is hurting right now. China will help inject more money into the industry which will be great from a business standpoint, but soon these little acrobatic chinese children will be throwing triple corks in no time, winning all the contests, dominating videos and will make us americans hate it. All we can hope for is that they stay too small to ride deep pow, thus making it very limited for them to have as much fun as we do.

  11. KC
    KC says:

    Shaun White is big time. He gets the big-time-sponsor-love-talk-show-invites that all big time athletes get. That CNN show is a series that cover random newsmakers on a weekly basis so Shaun got some airtime. When are people going to get this and stop whining about it? Shaun’s not ruining the sport, the lack of competitors who can consistently challenge him is. They’ve given the media no reason to cover anybody else in a growing sport.

  12. stevedave
    stevedave says:

    Shaun White isn’t saving or ruining snowboarding for anybody reading Yobeat. Holden still makes skinny pants, Ashbury still makes goggles, and your Horrorscope or Artifact or Salomonder will be exactly the same. It doesn’t make a fucking difference. Just like people who really skateboard didn’t skateboard any differently because Tony Hawk did a 900. Maybe 5 more kids will be on the mountain, and now your grandmom will ask about that red headed snowboard kid. If you like it, fine, if not, don’t pay attention to it. It literally has no effect on you and your snowboarding. Stop being so dramatic you pussies.

  13. jerm
    jerm says:

    stevedave’s got it. it would be nice if the general public didnt think all snowboarding was shaun white, olympics, x games, and dew tour. but oh well, the more kids doing it the more money and the better chance for the rest of us to finagle free gear from companies.

  14. Justin
    Justin says:

    Brooke you should have put your name instead of hiding behind Admin. I love hearing a fat wakeboarder tell me what what really matters in snowboarding.

  15. Scott
    Scott says:

    I guarantee you if anyone talking shit about shaun WAS Shaun they’d be doing the exact same thing as him, how many 22 or 23 year olds get to be on CNN? let alone 22 or 23 year olds who snowboard/(sell out) for a living. that being said shaun white is an asshole, jake burton is an asshole whose ruining the sport, and terje is still the fucking man

  16. turd ferguson
    turd ferguson says:

    actually scott, i wouldnt want to be shaun white. when does the kid ever get to snowboard for fun? hell i feel bad for him, he used to know what snowboarding is when he was a little kid, but know i think he’s lost sight of it. whatever, if the american public thinks snowboarding is all shaun white, halfpipe, xgames and the olympics…well at least theres guys like scotty lago getting a bronze medal BJ to give us all a laugh.

  17. turd ferguson
    turd ferguson says:

    sorry scott, i misread what you said, you never said anyone wanted to be shaun white. well still, i would never want to be “the flying tomahtoh”

  18. thizzelle
    thizzelle says:

    It wasn’t a sport before shaun white started doing it? they’re taking credit for making snowboarding a sport? fuck shaun white and his douche of a brother.


    He’s a fucking tool and I would punch him in the nose and then let my pet gorilla butt rape him..

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