Trend Forecast for 2011

Snowboarding is full of trendy kids. It’s built to be. At snowboard’s heart, it’s a bunch of kids with money, sold on the belief that if they buy this board or that hat they’ll ride better, attract more attention, film a better sponsor me tape and blah, blah, blah. The some trends are long running, but as it is now 2011, a new decade, in a fairly fresh millennium, I see three big changes on the horizon.

1. A New Day for Gangsterism

It takes a special breed to completely disregard their nature, knowledge, background and cultural origins, but baggin’ saggin’ boarders have been doing it since before the average snowboarder was even rolling Michael Phelps-style in his Daddy’s testicles. This new decade should however, usher in undeniable change to the G-Dawg way. Based on the belief that riding a plank of expensive wood down a hill of snow that costs millions to maintain is similar to hustling crack, coke, weed and whatever on a AIDS-plagued corner, the homeboys of boardin’ have adopted the look of the streets. Luckily though, hip-hop is changing, and possibly our tee-to-the-knee homies will change as well. Rappers like Wiz Khalifa and many others have begun dressing in a style supported by such shops as Supreme. In short, in a skate influenced manor, but still representative of the streets. Could this midway point be the breakthrough the food-court gangsters of mountains everywhere need to establish credibility among their species once again?


2. Euros Unite

Like it or not, snowboarding culture is split into three distinct categories. We have the contest circuit, the stair-shoveling and skate-inspired video crews and finally the Europeans. While the contest takes care of itself, the Euros are loosing the ground they gained when Gigi, Andreas and more were in full swing. What’s the final solution? Obvious, the Euros band together. Maybe they wear matching red arm bands to better identify each other in snowy environments. Maybe they comb their blonde locks in a similar style to support unity. But obviously, their true final solution will be mastery of the triple and quadruple corks. Bringing these tricks to the snowboard scene in one, large, fast and unrelenting manor will give the Euros all of the contest money, the enders in many videos and a restored place as the master breed among the snowboard ranks.

3. Bitches with Attitude

Peep Show changed everything. Colleen Quigley busted her tits out on a backflip, which resulted in an internet shit-storm for more badass boobie action. Girls proved they could do more than slam, tap ten-stair rails and spin 360s, too. But more importantly Jess Kimura proved (in Right Brain/Left Brain) that in 2011 girls are going to be in the magazines, movies and hospitals a lot more. With Jess on a mission from whatever cave she crawled out of, Marie Hucal and Darrah Reid making boys feel foolish and a slew of other women out there taping their tits down and hucking their meat, 2011 looks like the game changer women’s snowboarding has been waiting, well, since forever for.

20 replies
  1. Timbo
    Timbo says:

    Hey Nick, i don’t get the point of describing attempts of europe based people (united or not) to get back on the map with heavy-historical-weight-concepts such as ‘final solution’ or ‘master breed’. Given that i couldn’t make out anything funny in your usage of these, it just seemed to (even) overshoot the boundaries of sarcasm – and therefore left the terrain of bright journalism that yobeat usually provides.

  2. matt
    matt says:

    yobeats never had ‘bright journalism’ but the whole Euro thing is without a doubt prejudice to say the least, if not straight up racism. Nothing shy of ignorance

  3. gram
    gram says:

    somehow no one has mentioned that forecast is spelled incorrectly in the title. that is funny to me. cheers ya dummies.

    • admin
      admin says:

      yeah… sorry about the spelling and grammar guys. I made the mistake of going snowboarding today, and should know better than to let Nick publish stuff on his own. Should be all fixed now.

  4. danny
    danny says:

    nick girls are never going to be good at snowboarding and euros are not going to be interesting as long as they have their techno music.

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