High Fives with Todd Richards—Oil Spill!


Good news! Humanity has managed to scorch the earth once again! With all these earthquakes and volcanos blowing up around us humanity finally sent a message of our own, “Fuck you nature, we’ll spill toxic goo into the ocean all we want.” In the battle of Earth vs. Human we are obviously winning, question is, what does Todd think?

A BP oil rig blew up this week and has spilt hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil
into the Gulf of Mexico. Did BP fuck up, or is this yet another sign the Earth is attacking us?

I hear it was a terrorist cell of tilapia that had declared a “seahad” on all the land dwellers because we keep ass raping their home. I also heard that the government was using this whole oil rig story to cover up that it was just that the cast of Jersey Shore actually went in the water while they were in Miami. Thus causing an oil slick of biblical proportions.

BP has paid hundreds of millions in fines due to oil leaks and BP caused disasters, but last quarter they profited a few billion dollars. Is our system of justice broken?

Obviously our justice system is snapped, it allows people to sue on another because their coffee was too hot and it burned their white trash lips. I’m not worried though, we only have two more years of life on this planet anyhow before planet x or niberu returns like the Sumerians said it would.

A massive oil slick is headed for the shores of Louisiana, are you more worried for the animal life or the people?

I don’t think god likes Louisiana. First it was humidity, then Britney Spears, then Katrina, now this. It’s as if the people are being told something. It’s a bit of a divine eviction notice of sorts.

If you were the dictator of America how would you punish BP?

Tar and feathering really is the only choice.

As oil supplies are drilled dry, what new mode of transportation do you hope replaces the cars and planes we currently use?

Humans. Fixed gear skateboards, you just never stop pushing…ever.

3 replies
  1. 720boardshop
    720boardshop says:

    You guys are in Portland and have alot of hipsters bike dorks, think you can answer me one question? Why do those dudes on fixies roll up both pant legs? are they affraid the chain is gonna jump to the other side of their bike some how and chew their left pant leg or is it cause they ladies like it?

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