How to Avoid the Gaper Lot

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You wake up at the crack of noon, cruise up to the hill ready to ride, but before you can make it to the main parking lot, foiled. The baricade. A few under-payed parking lot attendants, a truck, some orange cones, and the dreaded sign: lot full.  The friendly attendants insist you must turn into the remote lot, the one that requires a ride on a bus full of weekend warriors who can’t possibly walk by you without bumping you with every piece of their equipment. The worst part, when you finally make it to the parking lot, there are tons of empty spots.

If you’ve ever been snowboarding on the weekend, you’ve been there. And you know if you could just get past those attendants you could pull into a parking spot deserted by an early come- early go skier. So next time, instead of being complacent in parking so far away, try one of the following excuses to talk your way into convenient parking. Before settling on an approach through, please be realistic about your acting prowess using the following code:
actingskillz
Ready?

1. My friend is hurt!
Acting skills required: 10
Obviously you have snowboards on your roof rack and are wearing snowboard gear, so you’ll have to be convincing to make this one work. Your poor friend broke their wrist, and doesn’t have insurance or a car! You had to skip out of work to drive up and rescue them so they at least don’t have to pay for an ambulance ride! You must be breathless and on the verge of tears to really pull this one off.

2. Just dropping something off!
Acting skills required: 5
Trust me, they’ve heard this one before, so you’ll have to act extra important. Claiming you are there for a photoshoot and must drop off expensive lighting is always a good excuse. If you have a friend who looks younger than everyone else, blame them “taking a lesson” as the culprit, and their mom would be pissed if you didn’t make sure they got there on time.

3. I have to get my pass!
Acting Skills required: 4
This one can be tougher to pull off now that it’s spring, but early season it’s a surefire way to success. Explain you are not even there to ride, you simply need to pop in and grab your pass. Yeah, you have your snowboard, but now that you see it’s so crowded that they are using the remote lot, you’re over it. This will only take a minute!

4. I’m pro!
Acting skills required: 7
Make sure you have tons of sweet stickers on your car and some local super star photographer’s name to drop. Explain (briefly, because you are obviously in a rush)  that you have to get up there to meet up with important photographer because you need shots for your upcoming interview. If that doesn’t work, offer some piece of junky equipment from your backseat to sweeten the pot. Let’s face it though, everyone loves pros, and let’s them do whatever they want.

5. Just drive
Acting skills required: 1
Don’t make eye contact and don’t slow down. The minimum wage-earning parking attendants really don’t care that much, and after 2 seconds of awkwardness, you’ll be home free. If you’re too big of a pussy to bust through the cone barricade, you can always pull into the lot and then pull back out and up the main road — after all, those gaper buses have an unobstructed path to the main lodge, no reason you can’t take advantage.

9 replies
  1. Joe "Notzo" Coole
    Joe "Notzo" Coole says:

    Haha, this is clearly referring to Meadows and you forgot the “green pass”. Just hand over a lil bud and those dudes will be stoked that they can sneak off into the woods for 2 minutes to get stoned.

  2. burritosandsnow
    burritosandsnow says:

    This article is dead on … but Im with Satan (on may levels) I just drop a name .. usually one of the higher office folks who will have little to no chance of being reached by some Lot Kid on the walkie talkie… heheh walkie talkie is a silly word

  3. weston deboer
    weston deboer says:

    you forgot the ultimate pro move:

    Handicap parking sign. You don’t even need a real one, one that looks like one to show to the parking nerds. They say ok, and you can just go park in those empty spots ahead.

    Or of course a real one and then you get first class parking

  4. hater hater
    hater hater says:

    make your own spot by moving around some cones, or did you already say that. i only read the shit todd writes

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