30s Thursday: Shaun White Naked!

Ha ha… That was a fake headline to get you in the door, I have no proof that Shaun White is naked.  Here’s the real article:


Office Space: The Final Frontier

by Preston G. Strout

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If you’re reading this website, chances are you love snowboarding (or you make money off snowboarding in some capacity and are trying to gauge what the kids are up to).  If you don’t love it, why the hell else would you waste a perfectly good 5 minutes of your life staring at this article? (hell, even if you do love it, you may want to reconsider how you spend your time.)

Welp, if you love snowboarding, then you most likely want it to be a big part of your life.  Since the chances of making it as a paid professional these days are about as good as the chances of me getting a lower back tattoo this weekend, you’ve probably thought of exploring other jobs “in the industry”.  This is a good thing.  Our industry can be a real fun place at times and we could use more people like you in it.

[Funny side note: while I’m typing this, I can hear a co-worker explosively pooping in the bathroom next to my office.  Awesome.]

Now unless you plan on living in Vermont (which is actually pretty sick) and working for Burton (or for Rome trying to make fun of and then copy Burton), chances are you’ll end up in one of the following 2 places:

1.)Southern California
2.)The Pacific Northwest

Granted a handful of brands run HQ out of Colorado, Utah, etc., but the bulk of your options lie in the far west.  Since I live in Portland, I thought maybe I’ll go visit a few brands and see how their office life stacks up.  This way, when you go looking for a job, you can know what you’re getting yourself into.  Within a few miles of my office (HCSC) I can checkout:
-Nike 6.0
– Bonfire
– Grenade
-Nike Snowboarding
– Yobeat
–  Nemo

Since this may take me a few weeks of luncheons and PowerPoint’s before I can report back to you:

Let me know what brands I should visit and what kind of stuff you want me to look for.

This is the basic scoring system I was thinking:
-How’s the shitter? (clean?, exhaust fan?, private?)
– How nice are the cars in the parking lot (a good way to judge pay scales)
-Do they allow dogs? (this can be good and bad)
-How long is a typical workday?
-What’s the weekday riding policy?
-Snacks in the break room?
-Recreational Opportunities (Ping Pong, Skate Ramps, etc)?
-Chair Comfort (if your ass has to be in one place for 40 hrs a week, it better be good)
-Proximity to good food.
-General BO levels of co-workers.
-Likelihood of getting a job there.

[Funny side note #2: I can now smell the aforementioned office poop. Not Awesome.]

Being in my 30’s allows me to walk amongst office people almost undetected. While among them I’ll be able to ask probing questions and get you the information you want.  You may someday find yourself pulling the old 9 to 5 in the shred-world (or you may do so currently), so let me know what kind of info you want me to dig up, and I’ll get to the bottom of this.

13 replies
  1. Satan's Horticulturist
    Satan's Horticulturist says:

    What about a rating on the “Brobra-to-Yeahguy scale,” or better yet contact info for each resident hiring diety?

  2. chad farthouse
    chad farthouse says:

    When hiring do these snowboard companies hold you to high a academic standard to get a desk job for them? or are these companies more interested in your satisfaction with the industry you will be working in?

  3. Jmike
    Jmike says:

    Snowboard is youth focused. As an employee, if you hit 40 (35?) is your ass out the door? Snowboarding is a lifelong passion, can you work in the industry your whole life?

  4. shredface
    shredface says:

    how about a “riding skills-to-broness” ratio? as in, I’ve met plenty of huge bros in the industry that talk the talk but aren’t that good at riding.

  5. jason
    jason says:

    how about asking how many employees at each place feel that they got their job based on previous work experience, knowledge and skill of the requirements of their occupation and the sport involved…
    how many just ‘knew a bro who worked there’?

  6. Nuts
    Nuts says:

    how bout ask if they are even hiring this year.

    also everyone knows the cool guys in marketing get everything they want but how bout the guys lowest on the totem-pole; what is the season pass/lift ticket program for “everyone” at the company.

    good luck getting all your answers . . . any chance you could hand off my resume at each of your luncheons with these companies? that would be awesome!

    cant wait to see how this wraps up.

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