The Girls’ Guide to Gov’y

girlsgovy

By Bryanna Woll

The few, the elusive, the unordinary and hard to spot…it’s a girl in Government Camp. While many have taken to our style of beautiful flowing long locks and overpriced tight pants, it’s probably just a Skeleton Crew night at High Cascade.  So this is your Rosetta stone to all things pink, perfume smelling, covered in flowers and faux fur in Gov’y.

The Eats

There’s already enough sausage in Gov’y so Cobra Dogs can be overload.  Vegetables are sparse in a town where a balanced meal consists of a Cheddaconda, a tall can and a camper’s lunch that was accidentally left in front of Gov’y General.  The real secrets lie in places like Mountain High Deli, with super fresh and stacked sandwiches.  Charlies does a huge $3 salad and you can wash it down with any poison.  Just make sure never to go in alone, you’ll be like a lone pup in a pack of wildebeests!

Fashion

Did the boys raid our closet, or did we raid theirs?  The world may never know.  Let’s face it though, the campers are always going to be the best dressed girls in town. Hot for ohhhh-9?  Girls are nailing it in oversized tanks and skinny pants.  Night out at Charlies?  Class it up with a little fedora.  If it’s cold, throw a flannel over this whole mess and you’re golden.  If it’s laundry day and you’re rocking some lesser threds, remember, no one’s looking at what you’re wearing anyways.

The Dudes

If you’re looking to find a charming, respectable, handsome young man, turn that car right back around to Beaverton. But if you’re looking to piss off your dad, dodge pinches from dirty old mountain men, and hang out with about 100 raging alcoholics on the regular then girl, get yourself up here!  While it really isn’t so extreme, I’d like to break down the dating possibilities.

The take a fucking shower babe:

Otherwise known as the real local. Crusty, hungover and usually looking for a place to charge their phone.  They live up here all winter and vocally make it known every night how horrible summer is in Gov’y.  Where to find them: The cage in front of Charlie’s or passed out in the back of their 2010 Subaru.  Pros: Trust fund kids. Cons: Forget chivalry, you’ll still never see them buy you a drink.

The my shirt is to my ankles babe:

Otherwise known as a skier or I’m almost pro for Technine.  We know that you’re the real OG and that growing up in a cul-de-sac in Michigan taught you how to talk like that, son!  Where to find them: At the top of the pipe, two planks below their feet.  Secretly trying on spandex race suits at Fuxi. Pros: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, and man do they like bling.  Cons: Don’t take them to meet mom, he’ll probably steal her nightie to wear skiing.

The starving artist who snowboards babe.

Otherwise known as I’m starting a T-shirt line with all the sketches in my sketchbook from high school art class.  That’s okay, you’re the sensitive one and girls dig that.  In fact, you’re kind of just like them.  Where to find them: Reading Catcher in the Rye for the fourth time this summer, updating their Facebook status with solemn quotes in a foreign language, or at a show in Portland cause Gov’y is so low brow.  Pros: You can share all your clothes.  Cons: You can share all your clothes.

The Camper babe:

Otherwise known as the only one with money.  Campers are the best dating possibility in town. Full access to their parents credit card on the regular, well at least before curfew.  Instead of talking about snowboarding, they’re actually on the hill doing it.  They still even get stoked when you name drop about that one time you got wasted with the Forum team.  Where to find them: Slurping Volcano cones and cotton candy in front of the dodge ball court.  Pros: 9 days and they’re gone.  Cons: They’re probably 12 and I think that might be wrong?

Well, girls, there you’ve got it.  Government Camp in a nutshell.  Yup. Let’s recap then for ya: Bad food, bad style, and poor dudes.  But I promise you one thing, it’ll be the best summer of your life.

Oh, yeah, and there’s also a glacier up there too!

6 replies
  1. Big Byrd
    Big Byrd says:

    No way!? The blonde chic who works at Exit has a sense of humor? I heard she hangs out with dudes who just backside slide all the way down the Mountain.

  2. supercuddy
    supercuddy says:

    what about the semi-broke WA kids that drive down for the night just to sleep at the airstrip and don’t want nothing to do with govy girls in the first place? boom roasted

  3. Scott
    Scott says:

    Damn….sure glad that fucking expensive Reed degree is paying off…..some nice writin’ girl.
    You know who…..1-2-3

  4. hondo
    hondo says:

    the only thing girls are good for in govy are blowjobs bebind charlies, and butt fucking behind the ratt, and backside 360

Comments are closed.