High Fives with Todd Richards- Current Events!


What a wild week. Ex-Presidents rescue people from North Korea, snowboarders acted like snowboarders, and we are headed to Mars! With all of this going on Todd’s secret identity, God, must be in a rage. It’s hard to take the weight of the world day in and day out, but someone has to do it.

1) Most important news event of the week?

Todd: Well for me, it was that President Crotch Cigar went and freed those two reporters from North Korea, however; for a lot of other snowboard media followers there was some other news that wasn’t really news. Didn’t he stick a cigar in Monica Lewinsky’s beav? If he didn’t then that didn’t make sense. So let’s for the sake of the aforementioned topic say he did.

2) Would you rather be a reporter in North Korean prison or a stoned snowboarder in New Zealand customs?

Todd: Oh man that reminds me of this one time I went on a trip to New Zealand with a bunch of peeps and Nate Bozung was one of them. It was right after ASR and Nate had been up for like six weeks straight having a grand old time with his liver. So anyhow, we get into NZ at like 4am and have to go right through customs in Auckland. Now I firmly adhere to the “no friends in customs ” custom. So Nate is just standing there in the customs line looking like a bipedal piece of human excrement when along comes little Sniffy the customs dog. Well, Sniffy just sits down next to Nate and yelps once. Nate calmly shouts out to whoever is in earshot. “Dude, I think this dog likes my pants,” so we know it’s on for Nate. They start asking him questions while we are doing our best to make like we don’t know him. Just as myself and Embry Rucker are going through the door to the outside world I hear Nate in the distance, “Yeah I know those two guys right there.” Oh god, Nate didn’t surface for like three hours. Oh Boznuts, this was before the face tattoos of course.

3) Would you rather Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, or Al Gore came to rescue you from an international prison?

Todd: Oh Jesus, how bout Colbert? Fuck I don’t want any of those dudes. I would really prefer to have a ninja rescue me, or Luke Skywalker.

4) Europe and the US have agreed to partner on a space exploration project. They want to explore Mars by the middle of the next decade. Your thoughts?

Todd: Well it’s funny because I hear that France wants to explore Uranus. How could you not see that coming? I wish that Europe and the US would find that damn Sasquatch. Now that would be impressive, or Nessy, or that Moth Man. Seems I just pulled a nose hair out of my nose that could be used as a suspension cable for the golden gate bridge.

5) If Superman got into a fight with the entire Justice League who would win?

Todd: Dude, it’s fucking Superman. Batman is a pusswad in the old DC comics. Wonder Woman is useless unless she’s on the rag, the Green Arrow, christ, more like the gay bulls-eye. Aquaman, we all know what he can do on land. I’m pretty sure unless they somehow got Bizarro to fight on the good side by tricking him into thinking he was doing the opposite that would be the only chance. Superman is fucking Superman, but you know, Lex Luthor is by all means, just a rich douche, always manages to get Superman by the balls. Well, if they had kryptonite I guess any of them could take him out. Just give him a kryptonite enema and it’s curtains for Supe’s.