Round Two at Bonfire’s Pipe to Pipe: Snow

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Mr. Windell with Pipe to Pipe snowboarding champ Johnny “Lazz” Lazzareschi after Saturday’s victory.

July is a dangerous time. The young fall to a haze of irresponsibility. A comatose state separated only by visits to Taco Bell, unsuccessful attempts at rounding second, and late night television. Their elders, a.k.a old people, suffer equally. Cursing their responsibilities as adults, those without a summer vacation die inside as the nights become warmer and the youth become lazier. But the dog days of summer can only beat so many down. Hundreds of individuals choose to live with wild abandonment as their peers begin to slowly rot into the couch. With help from Windells Snowboard Camp, Timberline Lodge, and other companies, Bonfire Snowboarding gives those choosing to live a way to, by hosting the Pipe to Pipe series.

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Guy doing a good looking back 180 out right in front of the judges.

Thunderstorms were on the horizon for the second of three Pipe to Pipe competitions this summer. At 7000 feet, and strapped into a metal death trap, being struck by lighting would boil eyeballs, cause brains to burst, melt the skin from your flesh, and probably mess up your sticker job. Luckily the strong morning wind never produced the dreaded storm, but God’s fury was felt in other ways. Human carnage, chaos, and a disregard for the safety of those still healthy created bloodied faces, broken bones, tossed salads, and crushed headphones. At times the contest area became a battlefield, and those in attendance were enjoying every moment of it.

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Jed Anderson and Will Batemen setting trends on the top and bottom of this double kink.

In true Pipe to Pipe fashion, the Ams competed first, looking to qualify for the Pro heat. After both heats, half the competition had been eliminated by injury alone. Regardless of the competitors’ health. A final needed to be held, a champion needed to rise up and take home the $500 prize.

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That’s how you do a front board kids.

Five or so men and no women were chosen for the finals. It was decided the women didn’t deserve a final. A few girls made a fuss, but complained off to the side and out of earshot of anyone sympathetic to their predicament. As their complaints fell on deaf ears, the boys began their final round. The climax was a game of PIG. Call your trick, land it or don’t, try not to die, hope the next guy falls. This and that went down. Tricks involving spinning hard-way and sliding that way, and switch backside lipslides, and other shit that requires talent. It was impressive.

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Way too close together, but still going for it. We love it.

As talented as those young lads are, the act of a pissed off lady stuck out as my favorite moment. Still enraged over the lack of a female final, she decided to poach, and she did so beautifully. Ms. Badass cut into the run-in, cutting off what’s-his-name finalist guy, and laid down a real trick. No girly 50-50’s or crooked noseslides for her. In that moment I saw the reason we began snowboarding. She wanted to do something on her snowboard, and nothing was going to stop her. It was a thing of beauty.

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Some dude sending it.

Eventually Johnny “Lazz” Lazzareschi had killed off his competition and was declared champion. Bragging rights, money, and one less day as a comatose zombie were Johnny’s for the taking.

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Smile Johnny smile, you won the big prize!

Johnny’s fame only lasted a moment. A collar bone had snapped somewhere else and the crowd wanted to see what all the pros were making such a fuss about. That sudden excitement ended the event, Johnny’s moment, and everything else. After people lost interest, everyone headed to the skate portion of the contest, except for the boy with the broken collarbone, he went to the hospital.

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When your collarbone appears to be a dog penis you have a problem…

Now read about the skate portion event here.

Results

Pro

1    Johnny Lazzareschi
2    Ryan Paul
3    Sawyer Deen

Am

1    Dan Pitbladdo
2    Johnny O Conner
3    Colton Morgan
4    Paul Heran

Best Trick:

Dan Pitbladdo: Frontside 360 face slasher in front of judges

4 replies
  1. thechick
    thechick says:

    yeah, um where are the girls results??? whats up with no props to the ladies?! its demeaning and sexist!

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