Nothing says fun like a bunny and boardin’! Photo Greg Miller
I cannot tell you how ashamed I am that my homecoming post to Yobeat is about a goddamn rail jam. I fear it is a sign that I am forever doomed to watching little kids goof around pieces of metal hoping to win a T-shirt. But attempting to accept my sorry fate, I lugged my lazy ass up to the Summit at Snoqualmie for the “Kinko de Mayo ” rail jam fiesta-palooza. Actually, Greg Miller lugged my ass up to the hill; I wanted to sleep in. But there was the lure of free tacos.
It was raining in Seattle, which usually is a good sign that it is full-on spring break at the mountain. But ten miles from the mountain, it was still raining. And at the mountain it was raining, plus there was a rail jam going on. God, make it end.
Despite the weather, there were all kinds of folks up at the hill. Dudes from the Summit at Snoqualmie, Snowboy Productions, Spacecraft, Nitro Snowboards, Ashbury, Skullcandy, Grenade, and Zumiez (cool?) were there. Actually, they probably all weren’t there, because it was raining. The suckers that got stuck in the rain were: the always charming Ryan Garvie of Nitro, Ashbury, and the mean streets of Seattle; Captain Johan of C3, along with his sons who snowboard far better than me (all while being one-third of my height); the unstoppable duo of Ryan Davis and the Spacecraft Bunny; other industry-type people that I don’t know; some good snowboarders, whose presence begged the question, “Don’t you have better things to do than snowboard in this thing?”; a bunch of little kids; the parents of little kids, who all got really wet but still cheered their youngin’s on; and then Greg and me. Party on.
Now it is time for my FAVORITE part of writing about rail jams: the snowboarding part. The riders could hit all kinds of things made out of metal and plastic, including a taco-box, down-flat-down rail, and some propane tank things. Of course, I didn’t touch any of this stuff because I don’t want to get the pig flu. As for tricks and whatnot, I can’t really remember much of that stuff. I am sure that a bunch of little kids did wacky slides while wearing large helmets that make them look like astronauts. There was one little munchkin that had a poncho and a mustache. He was a winner in my book. There also was a guy that decided instead of winning the jam with technical maneuvers, he would instead crash into the other contestants and send them home injured. Smart dude.
Snoqualmie’s favorite sons Austen Sweetin, Austin Hironaka, Ivan MarCINKO and Yudo Kurita were there doing tricks. A highlight was when the Spacecraft astronauts got the terrific idea to have some of the more competent snowboarders fly through the air and whack the Spacecraft bunny’s head. Austin Smith showed up to join the Austin party and greased some rails. Sadly, he had to give his snowboard to a kid that out-backlipped him. This kid, will now be the coolest kid in his high school. I am sure that 20 years from now, he will still be telling anyone who will listen about the day he put down a backlip before Austin Smith. And I am also sure that tomorrow, Austin Smith will not remember this whole event because he will be sipping piÃ±a coladas in some tropical location and thinking about how sweet it is that he can get paid to hang out and snowboard.
I don’t think that there were any real “winners” in this event. The reasons being: a) prizes were given for performing tricks called out over a megaphone, rather than for overall performance; b) we all got rained on; and c) the tacos were not free. But it was kind of fun anyway. I am pretty sure an eight-year-old got a bloody nose, and that always makes me feel good.
Author’s Note #1: Snoqualmie, Greg and I are really bummed about not getting free tacos at the event. Greg and I would each like to be reimbursed $7.43 for the tacos and Mexi-fries we had to purchase at Taco Time on the ride home. Thank you.
Author’s Note #2: Yobeat faithful, if I am ever forced to write another rail jam recap, I promise to you that I will stab a pen through my hand before writing it.