Snowboarding is far from a low-income friendly activity. Between the costs of updating equipment several times each season, travel, lift tickets and candy, it is no surprise that snowboarding’s populous is comprised of white suburban-dwelling bourgeoisie. Youngsters are only able to make it up to the hill because of financial support of their exasperated parents. Parents who naively see snowboarding as a wholesome activity that Bobby and Suzy can do on the weekends. If only they could see their dear children as they sit in the back of the bus chugging cans of Busch Light stolen from mom and pop’s pantry.
And when Bobby and Suzy grow out of their parent’s pocket books and are forced to provide for themselves, snowboarding all but ceases to exist. This is known as the “Dude, I have a board and stuff, but I can’t afford a pass” syndrome. This is why snowboarding’s older guard consists of 1) weekend warriors, 2) retirees who only show up for the aprÃ¨s, 3) pro snowboarders, and 4) the frugal.
Unless you can land double-lip-smacker-upside-down-twirls or are making six figures selling plastic-ware, we recommend you read up on some penny saving tips of how to make it on the lifts.
Make friends with a professional snowboarder. Or, just make their acquaintance. Then position yourself near the Marketing office, and as they are about to walk in, stop the pro snowboarder and start gushing about how sick their video part is or how great their pro model rides. Keep the praise coming, so that you can piggyback your way into the Marketing office. Then, when the pro shred is getting their comped tickets, start rambling about how you were just going to go hike in the backcountry or something. The pro, not wanting to be upstaged, will insist that you are part of the crew and should also receive a comped ticket. Bingo.
Pass is on other jacket. Looking innocent is key here. Stand tall and confident. When the liftie asks to see your pass, look down to where your pass should be. Look puzzled and desperate, and then smack your forehead and exclaim “I left my pass on my Tuesday jacket. Damn!” Your free ride isn’t in the bag yet, so look extra innocent by whimpering a bit or something.
Stealth mode. This technique begins hours before you even get to the lift. First, you need to dress the part, i.e. a paycheck-receiving weekend warrior. This means your equipment–board to beanie–must be Burton. As you approach the lift, blend in by joining a party of similarly dressed goons. Strength in numbers. Hold yourself with aloofness, and glare at the liftie, daring them to ask for your pass. Remember, you buy Burton.
Hike to mid-way lift. I haven’t done this one. It requires exercise. So if that is your thing…
Just Go. (Yobeat’s Personal Favorite) Get in line, move forward, stop for nothing. If anyone asks, just keep moving and act like you are reaching for something. By the time the situation is resolved you are on the lift.
Go get ‘em kiddos. Remember, you are breaking the rules. So when you get caught, you didn’t read any of this stuff on a website. You had sketchy parents. Godspeed.