Timbro’s Worst Date Ever: Part 2

Make sure you’ve read part 1, Timbro’s socially disastrous girlfriend nearly gets his face punched in.

Part 2: Possible Date Rape

Ok…so the whole “you’re acting like a tough-guy” thing blew over quite quickly when I explained that I was quite ready to take one for the team. I wasn’t trying to be all Joey-like and start a fight. And what’s more, I wasn’t even involved in skirmish-starting scenario in the first place! There I was, making shapes on the floor, when all of a sudden I’m ripped from my beat-induced state of euphoria and placed in a proverbial dude-off. TBO (total bum out).

So my gal and I are all set. Good to go. Things get hot, things get heavy, some morally reprehensible things come from our mouths, good times were had. I actually mentioned some of the dirty talk to a friend of mine and he said that “those words are grounds for couch-sleeping in my house.” I don’t need to go in to too many details here, but let’s just say that it was an epic, mind altering experience. I felt like I had reached my sexual zenith. I was making things happen. People where going to write about this moment in some day. Take notes, dudes. This is how you do it. A little movin’ here, a little shakin’ there, maybe switch it up a bit. A little element of surprise. We finish. I’m feeling great, like a real man (credit amanda). She takes forever to catch her breath and continuously praises me for what was “without a doubt the best sex (she’s) ever had.” I take it all in, and fall asleep with a smile on my face.

The first words out of her mouth when she wakes up are:

“Woah…did we have sex last night?”

Fuck my life.

–Fin

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