A Day at Timberline

Global warming is cramping my style. I’ve always figured, “Yeah, it’ll happen, in a bit, somewhere else.” Oops, my arrogance outweighed my critical thinking skills on that one. We are now well into the snow season. Film crews are out and about chasing that city snow, and I just read that Idaho had to close highways due to abnormal snowfall. I’m not 100% sure why Oregon and Washington have no snow, but I’m willing to bet global warming isn’t helping. It’s probably our proximity to the ocean and the rising temperatures of such regions, or maybe God hates tight pants and he is punishing us. It’s a real toss up, but Timberline has at least has six inches of snow, so for now I still have a job.

I drove up to the mountain with a few friends from the Portland area that haven’t run off to Utah yet. When we pulled up we found Bataleon Snowboards new recruit Josh Dwinal sitting around confused as to why he hadn’t left town yet. After a bit of confusion as to why Timberline looked like late August I pushed him down the hill to see if the snow was worth riding.

Josh put down a solid nosepress on the stick someone left in the snow, after that I figured it would be an alright day after all. 

Airblaster liaison Alex Burton “aka Hazard” decided that the little jump some sledder was building looked good for backflips. In classic Hazard style he flipped directly into me, nearly killing me, and making some little girls mom scream in horror. Alex went on to flip, poke, and smash off everything he could. It was pretty impressive since our main jump shot you straight up and into a large hole. A large whole a few feet from larger lava rocks.

The bottom of the “run” had what appeared to be a mini quarterpipe. Long time friend Paul Rerick forgot his pants, but not his ability to snowboard. 

Bored of simply landing in a bomb hole Austin Will decided to make a pole jam. The little kids thought he was closing the jump, which confused me, because he didn’t appear to be that official in his flannel shirt. The youngsters got over it though and built another jump that had about seven inches of landing before rocks destroyed their sleds, clothing, and faces.  

Our day really started to pick up around two o’clock. The snow was getting quicker and the fun was really starting to ooze out of us. Then something weird happened. More people appeared on the bunny hill at two o’clock than I’ve seen at a mountain in many moons. An entire extended family of Russian decent showed up, all fifty of them. Five minutes later about forty Mexicans showed up. Tailing them were what we gathered to be some sort of Pacific Islanders, and last but not least an entire crowd of Japanese amature photographers showed up. In short, it took twenty minutes for Timberline’s bunny hill to be transformed into the most crowded sled hill I’ve ever seen. Our log was no longer used for sliding but for mothers to rest their cold asses on. The run became a danger zone. Awkwardly aggressive pre-teens got in our faces about hitting “their” jumps, “Don’t hit our fucking jumps you fucking assholes! Unless you want to pay a dollar!” I didn’t have a dollar, so we couldn’t hit their jump. So after playing dodge the sledder, jump the mamma, and avoid angry dad, we decided to leave the mini UN convention for some dinner. 

All in all, it was a great day. My advice, come to Oregon soon, experience the great Northwest! The snowboarding here is unbelievable.

6 replies
  1. blue_tweak1
    blue_tweak1 says:

    So… this is the second time that you have written about T-line this year but didn’t even leave the bunny hill. Sounds like it was an epic mini sesh. Wish I was there this time..

  2. Matt
    Matt says:

    Yeah, 38$ isn’t worth it yet.

    good fun on the hill, call me next time you baby eating bastard.

    (check 3rd paragraph, last sentence.)

  3. tits magee
    tits magee says:

    that josh kid is the worst image mt hood has. he thinks hes all ganster wearing huge clothing and hiting rails on boards that you lift up ur back leg to press. Hes over rated and needs to lose the gangster image. get a life.

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