Best Week Ever: December 5, 2008

“Mad Men is not on TV because they had the season finale. It’s like asking our readers asking what happened to George W Bush….Oh wait, he’s just not president anymore!”

-After much delay and frustration on my part regarding the inability to set up an interview with a certain someone I am doing a piece with in the next magazine, the time finally comes. He is more than aware of my annoyance that has turned into borderline anger regarding the situation. He apologizes for his inability to communicate effectively with me for the past month and remarks, “I watched a bunch of your Youtube videos in preparation for this interview.”

-Olivia sends me an email with some sort like “This is amazing!” or “You have to see this!” type of title. Upon further inspection, it is some sort of website for poor people in Los Angeles to assist them in getting “by.” (Olivia is moving to Los Angeles for the first time. I am moving back to Los Angeles. Back means the second time) I presume poor means like great thrift stores and places with cheap gas. But, actually it’s a list of homeless shelters. Upon scrolling down, I find a list of places to shower if you are living in your car. I show said website to a friend of mine tonight. She stares blankly at it and then awkwardly back at me. I look up at her, “I should be concerned?” She nods her head, “I would be.”

-Lesley Arfin deleted both her Myspace and Facebook this week. It’s like she is internet dead. I have been sick and not at the office all week. I feel like when I see her I may become startled.  But, with the amount of time I spend on the internet I am startled when I see most people.

-I put 20 dollars on my Metro card at Bedford Ave. one night.  I use it once. I use it twice, sometime later. Upon using it the third time it is not full of 16 dollars, it is instead full of insufficient funds. I have no question in my mind how much money I put on it, when I did so, and how many times I have used it since. My clarity is due to the the infrequency I leave a four block radius of my house. I end up having to call the Metro card hotline. I begin explaining the situation to a lovely Metro card line customer service representative. She asks for the date and time of the card’s purchase. I pull out my calendar and give her said information. She is explaining the protocol on getting a non-functioning card replaced.I find myself staring baffled at the calendar and the date I just relayed out loud. I gasp and suddenly interrupt her, “Oh my god I need to leave the house more. I hadn’t used my Metro-card in two and a half weeks?” She looks over the information I gave her and starts laughing, “Oh my god you are right.”

-I am the Online Editor of a lovely website called Missbehavemag.com. Recently, we have taken on some new bloggers. Blogging isn’t the easiest thing to get the hang of. I am attempting to be supportive and blog-motherly to my new recruits. I take down a blog one of the girl’s has written. The topic of the blog is said girl’s love for the show Mad Men and her confusion to it’s sudden absence from TV. She writes me confused as to why I took the post down. I reply, “Mad Men is not on TV because they had the season finale. It’s like asking our readers asking what happened to George w Bush…Oh wait, he’s just not president anymore!”

-I am doing what I think is communicating with a magazine editor I freelance for. We are talking about a piece I am writing. He is asking me questions. I am replying with answers. Rinse and repeat. Then all of a sudden he appears to not be able to understand anything I am saying. I re-phrase re-word and send my thoughts again. He writes back, “Sarah are you drunk?” Disgusted at the accusation I reply, “It is 11AM here.” I then add, “Fine, I am stoned.”

-Sally becomes mad at me for missing Justin’s going away party. Why? Because I drank too much and had to go home to go to bed before it began. Classy. Yes. I am aware she is mad. But am hoping smiling tons and agreeing with everything she says in the editorial meeting will erase my errors. She isn’t having it. We finally have it out. She’s mad. I apologize a hundred times. I finally say, “If everyone stayed mad at me forever for doing dumb shit drunk, I would have no friends.”

-I walk out of a market in Wiliamsburg one night and encounter some Old Mexican dudes looking for change. Instead of asking for actual money, they decide to take on a different approach. After huddling together, one points creepily at me and does those “come hither fingers.” He says, “You! El leche en mi cafe.” I point back at him, “Not having sex with you!” Then walk away.

-Lesley Arfin tries to set me up with one of her friends. He is actually funny. So I am not totally opposed to the idea. Then I ask her what he does for a living. I am baffled when I am informed he is a photographer. I become nervous and start envisioning his debilitating flaws. Confused and sort of off-put I announce, “Photographers are never funny.”

-We have another one of our epic-ly fun and awesome Missbehave parties. I am pushing through the crowd towards the bathroom, attempting to avoid peeing my pants when I am stopped by some dude. He grabs both of my shoulders and goes, “Are you the queen of Missbehave?” I quickly answer, “At times I am!”

-Brooke pretends to care about me by addressing the details of my Ichat away message which lists “I am sick.” My caring friend then wants to know what type of sick I am. I inform her I have a really bad cold and a high fever. I explain that I am unable to breathe and have taken to picking crusty boogers out of my nose with tweezers to assist in the breathing bit. Brooke then helpfully suggests, “Why don’t you breathe through your mouth?” I add, “Oh that thing keeps coughing.”