Andrew Hart Goes to the Circus

How NOT to Premiere

P.T. Barnum employed Siamese twins, mermaids, albinos, and bearded women to coax the curious to his extravagant circus. Travis Rice employed National Geographic filmers, energy-drink sponsored helicopters, the world’s best snowboarders and the devil himself to produce an equally astounding shred spectacle. Hype is a funny beast, especially in the snow world. When no one knows about the new product/video/rider/scandal, it is cool. When some people know about it, you become cool because other people recognize you were into it before it was “hot.” But when every one thinks the subject is cool, then it is lame.  The hype around Rice’s “That’s It, That’s All” really should have sunk the film. Two years in the making, massive corporate sponsors and a “no silly jibbers” policy, the buzz has been deafening. So deafening that the whispers of the Seattle premiere being sold out failed to register until I arrived at the venue.

ME:“What do you mean, ‘it’s sold out’?”

Bouncer man:“The seats are all full. We sold out a couple of days ago. You should have bought your tickets in advance.”

“What the hell are you talking about? It’s a snowboard movie. Nobody cares about snowboard movies.”

“Well unless you have a ticket or are on the VIP list you ain’t getting in.”

“Oh. Well, I am on the guest list.”

“Name?”

Nick, from Yobeat.”

“That is the stupidest name I have ever heard, and you ain’t on the list. Get lost man.”

“But I have media credentials.”

“Right. Let’s see ‘em.”

I present my Yobeat sticker and camera-phone to the grande security guard, he is not impressed, so I skeedaddle out of his range.

Luckily, the friendly bouncer was relieved by a less lethal and more gullible employee who bought my claim of being the DJ’s setup guy. Take that Travis Rice, I didn’t pay for your movie and I will most likely burn an illegal copy from a friend.

But about the movie…The riding is nonsensical and the filming is straight Planet Earth style: double flippers, deep snow, snow-ghost-smackers, avalanches, shred legends and film equipment that is way too expensive to have dumb snowboarders goofing around with. I thought to myself, “Man if this production crew weren’t doing this snowboard crap, they would be making some serious cheese.” Lines were made, drops were dropped, spins were spun, and hoots were hollered. The great thing about this movie is that the level of riding and quality of production are so high that you will never have to buy a snowboard video again. This is the be-all to end-all shred films (until the next be-all to end-all flick). What’s more, you won’t have to go snowboarding anymore because Mr. Rice and company have maxed-out the progression possible on a snowstick. Thank goodness, because the snow is cold.


4 replies
  1. eric
    eric says:

    this article is done by andrew? i could swear that is nick lipton speaking to me and in the article the author refers to himself as “nick from yobeat.” i dont get it?

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