That guy above is not in this story, but the photo is still funny.
“Yo dawg best not snake me on dat c-box, cuz’ you know I pack heat!” Maybe you haven’t heard that quote yet, maybe you have, maybe you’ve heard something similar to it, either way, wouldn’t cold steel pressed against your long johns be uncomfortable?
Many of you are either laughing or mad, but I really have met the guy who claims he, “Packs a burner.” on hill. In reality he was from a part of Oregon where carrying guns isn’t that out of the ordinary, however; riffles, shotguns, and other hunting related weapons don’t exactly fit into your pants that easily, even if they are XXXL. What this hardcore “G” was referring to was something more along the lines of a Glock, or maybe even an Uzi, but I wasn’t that interested and never got to see his gun.
It has occurred to me that the snowboard community should know how to handle these situations. What if I wasn’t in Oregon, what if I had been snowboarding Pine Knob, or the mean streets of whatever town is cool in the handrail world now? What if instead of a kid who felt like he needed to act tough I had run into an actual gangster? Who says they can’t snowboard? I’m equal opportunity, and I bet they would have some rad style.
How to tell a Gangsta’ from a Little Boy in Big Clothes:
1. Gun toting, inner city, gangsters don’t exist in the rural and predominately Caucasian areas where resort snowboarding takes place. That kid at the resort is not hard.
2. Ever heard of hustlin’, well if you spend all your time at the mountain how could you possibly be hustlin’? Once again, if you’re at the mountain you couldn’t be a gangster.
3. Rail mission? Inner city? Some dude just bummed a smoke off you, asked for five bucks, and then ran off with your camera? That’s called hustlin’, he’s a gangster. Don’t you feel stupid.
4. Mormon? Not gangster.
Last but not least:
4. You can’t tell? Good, go snowboarding with the dude and forget about it.
The next time you feel as though that mysterious ball of dangling accessories, headphone cords, and sag is a little too close to you, don’t fret, it couldn’t possibly be anything dangerous, after all he just wants to frontblunt the c-box again.