“I could probably Google LA and a photo of you would come up.”
-I receive a text that reads, “How much would a flight from LA to New York be, last minute?” Confused, I suggest trying Expedia. I receive the response, “Yeah, I thought asking you would be quicker.”
-Lloyd is Djing in LA. He texts me, “Someone just called you the Superhead of Djs.”
-I have to drive a dude I know to the airport, hungover. It is oh-so-traffic-y and stressing my hungover self out. The dude opts to drive. When we finally reach the airport, I mumble about how I don’t want to drive home. I add, “I am going to call someone and ask them to pick me up.”
-I am out to dinner with my mom and brother. I go to order a beer and realize I don’t have my license. But quickly perk up when I remember my mom is sitting across from me. I point to her and inform the waitress she can vouch for my age. The waitress says no. Sort of irritated I say, “She is the best ID you are going to get.” She says no again.
-Leah and I are drinking and watching that Intervention episode about the girl addicted to huffing computer duster at my parents’ house. I actually discover computer duster in a closet. So I take the bottle out to look at what the hell it actually is. My dad walks in, sees the computer duster, and simply goes, “That must be for when the wine runs out, huh?” We try to explain. He throws his hands in the air and walks away.
-I am at the Missbehave office. Sally is helping me make a poll for a blog I am doing. She seems to be almost done. Then suddenly yells, “Dammit, I spelled choose wrong.” I yell back, “I hope you spelled it c-h-e-w-s.”
-I hung out with James the other night. He told me he always hated me and has since decided I am “not that bad after all.” I am relaying this to Lloyd. He replies, “I mean Sarah you are the epitome of an LA girl. I could probably Google LA and a photo of you would come up.”
-Sally is on Ichat one evening. We are both discussing our desire to lose weight. She tells me she is looking at thinspo photos on the Internet. She instructs me to hold on because she is going to send me some. They are all photos of me when I was skinny.
-I am a celebrity judge at this Miss Williamsburg pageant Friday night. I am trying to describe the event to my coworkers one afternoon. I compare it to the Beauty Bar beauty pageant. I add, “which I won by the way.” I continue, “The judges were like hipster celeb types, mostly Djs.” Olivia interjects, “Oh, that’s why you won.”
-Olivia and I live together in a studio apartment. But, she is moving. When she said November I envisioned Thanksgiving, but it actually means November 1st. Now, it means October. Once again, I have no idea where I am going to live. She does manage to say, “You will probably be able to afford this place alone.” I stare blankly at her and ask, “Why would I want to live here alone?”
-I am trying to get dressed to go out one night this week. I fit perfectly into my “fat shorts.” This bums me out. I take them off. Olivia instructs me to put them back on. She alleges they looked good. I yell, “Stop trying to tell me I am skinny!” She yells back at me, “I never called you skinny. I said I liked the shorts!”
-My birthday is tomorrow. I had plans to have a party in Los Angeles, but have cancelled and rescheduled it three times already. I am discussing my lack of enthusiasm regarding this year’s milestone with a DJ friend of mine. I ask, “If you don’t have birthday party at Cinespace, you stay the same age right?” He laughs, “I think that’s how it works.”
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