The Noob: New Slang

So, I was watching the Winter X-Games the other day, trying to familiarize myself with all the tricks and slang and lingo and all that jazz that makes snowboarding so different and unique. I figured, damn, if I’m going to try to write for these people, I’d better get into character, like Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder.”

Really, the only thing I knew about snowboard slang was when Bart Simpson was taking snowboard lessons from his bus driver:

Dolph: Woah! Phat five forty!
Nelson: I’m getting aggro on this kicker!
Bart: Stomp that pickle revert!
Otto: Excellent! Your lingo is progressing nicely.
Bart: Can I go to the bathroom?
Otto: Uh-uh…say it in snowboard!
Bart: Umm…I gotta blast a dookie?
Otto: Blast away, little man!

So I started reading this online dictionary [http://www.abc-of-snowboarding.com/snowboarddictionary.asp] (it seems as credible as any), and started getting really excited! Caballerial! Who in the world thought of such an interesting name? Hahaha, an “eggplant” is another name for an inverted handplant, how clever!

But as I read further along, I noticed something. These terms are vaguely familiar … at first I brushed it off.
“I must know these from all of my hours getting extreme with Sal Masakela,” I explained to myself. The feeling of déjà vu lingered on as I continued down the list.

I’ve heard “hella” before. Hella awesome. I wonder why it’s called a “Japan” grab. Did a Japanese man invent it? A nosebone, that one’s interesting, too. Ollie, nollie … wait a second. I know I’ve seen those. Right here!

Did snowboarders really take all of this slang from Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater? I can’t believe it. Snowboarding’s been around for a while, right? Like, longer than the eight years or so it’s been since THPS “dropped trou” and “blasted a dookie” all over my Playstation? Did I use those terms right? I still need practice speaking snowboard.

You know what? Let’s give snowboard slang a new look. Fine, whatever, you can keep the video game slang, but let’s mix in some new lingo for you guys, just in case someone finds out that you’ve been copping trick names from major video game franchises.

Now, you may ask, where will you come up with slang that’s even more nonsensical than our pseudo-skate language? Simple: kayakers. Here’s a breakdown of some key terms to work into snowboard-speak that you’ll probably be able to pass off as your own – nobody listens to boaters when they talk anyway. (We’ll skip the kayak terms that also rip off THPS, like “kickflip,” “blunt,” “grind,” “ollie.”)

Aerial Backstab/Aerial Screw – While you’re up on the slopes getting freshies, your bud’s getting sloppy seconds from that betty you were totally getting on last night. Not cool, bro. So not cool. It could also be used to describe copying someone else’s trick or line.

Boof – Here’s a definition in kayaking [http://www.chrisj.winisp.net/articles/boofing.htm]. In snowboarding, it can mean any number of things: you might boof your brah’s betty while performing an aerial backstab. It could also be an over- or undershot air, resulting in a flat landing. It may be an expletive: “Dude, check this out!” “BOOF! That was awesome!”

Crossbow Spin – This one shouldn’t be taken as-is. But I think “crossbow” would be an excellent synonym for “awesome.” “Hey, bro, that McTwist was fucking crossbow!” “Thanks dude, I thought I was going to boof it for a second.”

Party Trick – Another name for a totally radical boned-out method grab straight from 1987.

Plowing Ender – The mandatory spray-the-fans carving finish at the end of a killer contest run. “Yo, brah, that run was hella tight!” “Thanks, broski.” “And that was a wicked plowing ender!” “Yeah, that’s what she said.” “Sick, brah!” (High five! Bro grabs!)

Space Godzilla
– I’ll be honest here. I have no idea what this could mean. But I might start snowboarding just so I could learn a trick called the “Space Godzilla.” For those of you asking, “Well, why not buy a kayak?” I have one thing (standards) and don’t have another (money).

Whirlybird – In kayaking, a way to practice turning your boat vertical. In snowboarding, it’s a spin gone horribly wrong, usually ending with someone hitting the deck and riding down the wall of the half-pipe face first. “Dude, that grommet tried a cab seven, but totally ended up doing a whirlybird into the flatbottom. He hasn’t moved in like 20 minutes.” “What a dick. Hey, get out of the pipe!”

So there you have it. Just a few suggestions so you slope-shredding powderheads can mix up that lingo a bit, so you don’t get sued by Activision for stealing all of their trick names. Best of luck, and god speed, broskis.

8 replies
  1. Street Fights
    Street Fights says:

    Always good to read about Kayaking, my ex was of olympic standards.. really good!

    Can I ask though – how did you get this picked up and into google news?

    Very impressive, is it something that is just up to Google or you actively created?

    Obviously this is a popular blog with great data so well done on your seo success..

    Did you catch the latest Kayaking game on this?

  2. Huckleberry Hart
    Huckleberry Hart says:

    I don’t know what the hell Street Fighter is talking about…but HEY! This article is goddamn awesome and the great new lingo helped me get a girlfriend and a raise! YES! Keep it coming Ian!

  3. ActionSportsIntern
    ActionSportsIntern says:

    I submit “Joey” as a synonym for gaper or tourist. Except that it’s acceptable to use as any adjective for just about anyone.
    “That Joey needs to stop skiing his family through the park”.
    “Quit being such a Joey”
    “He’s a Joey but that double-cork was pretty crossbow”

  4. piles
    piles says:

    i suspect that a phrase liek space godzilla just describes all facets of snowboarding and could even be a synonym for our favorite pass time.
    Space godzilla’s are fare out, awesome, and destructive. itd be fun to be a space godzilla, but the wrath of a space godzilla would suck. basically i just described snowboarding cept wit the word space godzilla.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] I get it. It’s just slang. Like sick or fresh or tight or any of the other dumb words we use all-too-regularly, the meaning has become blurred. But snowboarding is lame enough as it is, so let’s let the skateboarders have this one. Just once. If we use our brains, and have a little self-respect, we can easily come up with our own slang. Like crossbow. […]

  2. […] day” idea is some sort of snowboard slang that I missed out on while I was working on my previous slang column, and I just don’t get it, but I’ll be damned if YoBeat wouldn’t get way more hits if it had a […]

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