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Ethan Morgan’s Too Hot for Hump Day

Editor’s note: This Hump Day has been in the Yobeat backend since December 2012, when it was deemed “too hot for the Internet.” Maybe times have changed, it’s a different part of the season, or maybe it’s because I just had to veto the interview Oliver did with Christian Hobush while hammered at Charlie’s (which made this look like child’s play) — but I think the Internet is finally ready. Enjoy.

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Animal lover, life lover. Photo: Cyril Muller

Though you may assume he’s a just a weirdo Euro, Ethan Morgan is a nomad with roots from Virginia to Germany to Japan. His rep in Euroland has people talking, as he kills it in riding contests, filming, and partying with the best of ’em. I sat next to Brooke while she did this interview, and if I didn’t trim out half of it, your brain would melt out of your ears due to uncut raw European sex-talk. Ethan Morgan is one funny Motherfucker, and one hell of a snowboarder too.

Alright, Ethan, why should Americans care about you?

Ooh, that is a hard one. that is a very tricky. I have to say, umm, because I’m such a crazy mixture of different countries. I was born in Japan, I’m half German, half American, live in Austria, and try and be an American sometimes, but then for like Halloween dress up as Hitler for example. It’s kind of weird, but I try to be German at the same time. I don’t really know where actually I am from and who I am, so it’s kind of a little interesting part about me.

Wait, you lost me. How are you American and German?

My Dad is American, my Mom is German. My Dad is like kind of in the military, like civilian teacher. I was born in Japan on a U.S. Military base. Then I moved to Virginia for four years, one year to D.C., then we went to Germany. And I just got myself my own apartment in Innsbruck, Austria.

Is it your first place? What’s it like living the bachelor life?

I’m super happy about it, I live by myself. I’m not that guy who lives with other people. When I’m traveling around the world, and stuff like that, when I’m hanging out with people, I always stay with so many people in the same house, and then everything is like super dirty, and we don’t care about it and it’s fucking nasty, but my apartment has to stay clean and be nice. I like to do whatever I want, you know? The thing is I’m traveling with so many people at the same time as well, it’s good to go home and have some alone time.

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Icelandic action. Photo: Cyril Muller

Right. Speaking of the people you travel with, some of them gave me some insight on you. Sage [Kotsenburg] wanted me to ask you what your nickname is?

My nickname is “Anal Juice Morgan.” [laughs] Halldor gave it to me, I don’t even know why. It was a bummer though cause I tried to make my Xbox Live account name “Anal Juice Morganâ”and it got canceled so I couldn’t play Xbox for like a week.

So “Anal Juice,” not OK on Xbox.

No. It’s my drunk name, like my drunk nickname. My alter ego.

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The Chosen one. Photo: Cyril Muller

Is this an interview with a lot of people about me? Like kind of Everyone is just kicking in?

Yes.

I like this idea.

Gigi said he went snowboarding with your sister, and wanted me to ask you if she is more into snowboarding than you are. He basically said that she seems more psyched and was learning more tricks than you do.

Could be, could be. She’s shredding it pretty hard, she’s ten years old, doing back ten double corks, inventing tricks and everything.

Oh ya?

Yeah, she’s pretty good, she’s killing it, yeah. Watch out for her. Anika Morgan.

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He learned this one from his sister. photo: Cyril Muller

I was told to ask you about Four Loko?

Oooh! Who asked that one?

That was Joe Carlino.

Ok, man…it was a night out in Portland, Halldor and me. We just got home from Superpark, and we just wanted to go to the hotel and go to sleep. Then we started listening to this crazy dubstep mix from SubFocus in the car, and we got so hyped that we wanted to party. We bought six Four Lokos. We wanted to drink two each but Peetu bailed on us, so we drank 3 per person, which was SO messed up. We got so destroyed. Halldor started puking and everything. Then the mission was to find a good strip club. We were staying at the Lucia and Mary’s Club was RIGHT next to it. We went outside and ended up on this corner where these crack whores were hanging out, like super nasty girls. Halldor gave some girl sitting in a wheel chair five bucks to show her boobs and her boobs were SUPER nasty. The thing is we didn’t even like it. We were super pissed off at her then, we wanted our money back. She had having her fingers on her nipples, and we were like not happy about that.

Worst five dollars you ever spent?

Ya, for sure. The quote was the best, All she said was “Titty-o’s, Titty-o’s!” It was so fucked.

The story continues though. We were bummed and we walked over to this hotel and there was this big guy standing there. We thought he was the owner of the hotel or something like that, so Halldor asked him, um is it cool if we just take this carpet, 5 meter long carpet? He says Oh take it, it’s all good, it’s yours. And we started dragging this carpet through Portland for like 20 minutes and the guy was like cheering behind us, like yeaaah, super stoked. He obviously was probably a drug dealer. And then we crossed the street with a carpet, and a car almost runs over us and this guy comes running out of the car, “get on your knees, I’m gonna fuck you up, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you.” And then we’re like oooh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We were all scared and everything. But then he just got back into he car and Halldor and I were laughing super hard and giving ourselves high fives. He saw that and he turns around, got out of he car again, runs at us again, “get on your knees! I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna kill you!” We were suuuuper scared, we were like ready to die, or at least to take a punch. We were on our knees begging for mercy. It sucked so bad, we were like just, waiting to get punched. But then he just left, so we chilled, and he drove around the corner and then we gave ourselves a high-five.

After that, we saw this fountain, and decided to just jump with all our clothes on, then we went home, we called reception, asked for hand jobs, and then we ordered food, didn’t eat the food. I fell asleep underneath Halldor’s table, and by the next day we woke up and we didn’t remember anything. I went golfing and he was still sleeping until like 7 o’clock.

When we came back together we just looked at each other and started cracking up. We were like looking through our phone videos, puzzling it together, and couldn’t believe what was going on. That was the Four Loko night, really long story, I don’t know if you can write the whole thing.

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You probably need a picture to look at right about now. Here’s one. Photo: Cyril Muller

I think I can get that. Let’s talk serious snowboarding though. What was it like filming with Standard?

Oh, it was fun. Really fun actually. Especially filming with Freddy K[labermatten] and all those guys. It was so cool with those and guys Mike Hatchett, too. They really know what’s going on. They know exactly what they’re doing when they’re in the backcountry, so it was really cool. Streetwise, I was doing my own things with Jamie [Nicholls] and Kevin [Backstromm] on Nike trips in Iceland. Otherwise, I was with Standard. I really learned so much, I was really happy to have the chance to film with them.

Sweet. Austin Smith said you were saying how you hate when people always give typical answers such as “it was so fun” and “I just want to have fun.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate that.

So what do you actually want to say? What do you want to talk about in your interview? Like, What would be your ideal interview question?

Well, you gotta be straight and honest. Obviously you don’t want to piss anybody off, but you you gotta just like say what you think. I hate those typical contest interviews when you get in there like on TV and the guys is like how is the jump, or how is he course, or how is the atmosphere out here? And all you’re just saying is the same stuff everyone else is. That’s what I don’t like, listening to that stuff or watching that stuff, it’s so boring.

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Ethan’s favorite kind of powder. Photo: Cyril Muller

Great. Back to real questions. What happens when you swallow Snus?

Nothing good, I can tell you that. You might eventually start puking from like 10 pm to 3 in the morning. Maybe you are, like, shitting on the toilet at the same time. That night, we had never had Snus before and then we took the strongest Snus out there. We really wanted to get drunk, but we didn’t have any beer left and it was boring and bad weather. We got high for like five minutes and it was going crazy for some reason for five minutes, well not high, but we had that buzz. And then Halldor walks out and starts puking and then I run out there puking too. All of us on the balcony, it’s raining, and we’re just puking on the balcony. While I was puking I accidentally swallowed some of it and that’s when everything went downhill, like that’s where I got killed. There are a bunch of pictures of it.

Did your friends help you out at all?

Not really, Silje [Norendal] gave me water and that was it. That was pretty much all they did. They were like taking pictures of me and laughing at me the whole time. But the worst part about it — I’ve had blackouts where Iâ’ve puked all night and stuff like that, but the thing is you don’t remember the next day, and you’re like not that bummed about it — but I remember every single second and it was the worst few hours of my life.

So, don’t eat Snus.

Don’t eat Snus. Well, maybe just don’t take Snus…

Ethan wanted this included this time around.

Fair. Tell me about your new web project?

My best friend and I, Mario Kaeppeli,, we got this web project going on, it’s called EthanvsMario.com. The concept is that the amount of “likes” gives us ideas for more posts. For example, there’s a post of him laying on the streets completely drunk. At the end of the month we count up the likes and the loser has to do something super fucked up like get a shitty tattoo, or wax their ass or something like that. The funnest one we did was drunk go-kart. We chugged a beer, did 21 laps and every third lap you take a shot of Jagermeister, and then whoever goes through the finish line wins. And yeah, we did some snowboarding games and some skate games. I almost puked into my go-kart helmet while I was driving it was pretty messed up.

UPDATE: 

Are you still doing Ethan vs Mario?
No we stopped doing that kinda… Too much work for doing it for free.

Sounds amazing. Why don’t you give me your sponsors and shout outs and then we’ll call it good.

I’d like to thank Nike, Bataleon, Relentless Energy, Swox, Electric, Switchback and Plantetsports.com. Thanks to all the sponsors, and thanks to the titty-o’s girl, the Snus box, everything. Man, people are going to be hating me on Yobeat.

That’s what people do on Yobeat.

If you’re still paying attention, you’ll want to check out www.ethanmorgan.com and www.ethanvsmario.com right now!