How to Look Cool in a Record Store
1. Whatever you're looking for ask for it on vinyl.
2. Where big black glasses and dirty emo sweaters.
3. Look totally pissed off like you can't find what you're looking for.
4. Don't even glance up to see what's on the top 20 wall.
5. Actually have enough money to buy something.
6. Don't buy anything from a band with more than one or two words in the title.
7. Don't buy anything unless you have to special order it.
8. What ever you are looking for ask for it on 8-track.
9. Say you heard it on college radio.
10. Wear a T-shirt that says, "I Rather be Reading Yo Beat."
11. Look through the local music section and nod your head a lot as if you know
them all personally.
12. Pee on the Phish section.
13. Pee on anyone buying Phish albums.
14. Pee on the old guy behind the counter reading the Phish Pharmers Almanac.
15. Speak with a British accent.
16. Denounce the youth music of today and swear it wasn't like that at
Woodstock.
17. Poke fun at the hippies.
18. Poke fun at the old people.
19. Try to bring your dog in and let him/her pick out what smells best and buy
that.
20. Dont buy anything, bitch about how bad the store sucks, and stomp out so
you can do it again tomorrow.
-Kevin Peckham