The We're Too Cheap to Print this Out Issue

**********EDITOR'S NOTE**********

hello and welcome to our first ever issue of Yo Beat. Originally this would have been your usually ghetto publication, all in black and white, a few photocopied stapled together pages of bad pictures and articles etc. Well instead we have decided against even wasting our precious money to photocopy this shit that no one will probably ever read and just put it up online. Thanks to our lack of advertisers and subscribers we are almost sorry to say that we couldn't possibly afford the photo copies anyway. So I guess as they say in every moral lesson you get you pay for, so dont expect much. Photos will come in later issues, cause right now our staff photographer is busy wackin it and
forgot to make all our non existent deadlines. In short, YO Beat is the shabazz, we just haven't developed yet.

Table of Contents

(if I had any idea what I was doing you would be able to click on these and go right to the spot, but I dont so your just going to have to scroll down, lazy wus.)

Word on the Street: New for the 97/98 Season (added cause if we wait until next issue it wont be ground breaking news anymore.)

Reviews
-movies(coming soon)
-concerts
-TV dinners

The top however many I get to TV shows of all time

Mindless Babbling

Interview: Jeff Evans

Why girls suck

Word on the Street...New for the 97/98 Season


****the following is not based on any truth or reliable sources, it is simply rumors that I have heard in my busy life as an industry bro. It is not meant to offend, disgust or otherwise cause any stir-ups in the industry. It is simply meant for entertainment purposes, and hopefully, some of it will come true so I dont look too incredibly stupid.

CONCERT REVIEWS


Warped Tour
Well the bands were good and the skating was good and
they had a Playstation booth. My only aspiration is that
some day there would not be 10,000 of the 12,000 kids
dressed in black leather jackets. It's fucking hot , give it
up, you dont look punk, you just look stupid. Although I
believe in most of this miss-directed youth's cases, not
wearing stupid clothes probably wouldn't help, buncha
funny lookin teen agers. Kids today, I tell ya. 3 thumbs up
for good people watching.



Praying to the Warped gods. I think the mohawk was an
attempt at originality. Stupid kids should have dressed
normal if they wanted to stand out.

H.O.R.D.E.
well there wasn't as much hippie trash as I expected. and some of the bands were actually decent. in fact Primus ripped shit. if I didn't know better I would have said they were a punk band, since all their songs sounded exactly the same. I left early, because I didn't want to get stuck in traffic but I'm sure if I was there Neil young would have sounded exactly the same. compared to last year to was rad. if this was the first time I'd seen it it would have sucked. dont worry if you miss it but if you get to go. its all right.



Smokin Grooves
what do you get when you cross a thousand white boys in visors and Tommy hill gear, some "legalize-it" bands, a bunch of hoochie mamas in tank tops, and a grassy knoll in
Massachusetts? none other than smokin grooves, of course. Among the noteworthy acts of the evening were the pharcyde, the roots, cypress hill, George Clinton and his p-funk posse, and Erykah "one of these things is not like the others" Badu. I must say that between the ill breakdance style-ee of my own crew and the old guy in the fanny pack, a la one of George Clifton's boys, rappin about booty, the talent factor was quite high on that cool summer eve at Great Woods. However, I must give a huge lahrengitis out to whoever stole my boy Chris' b-boy jacket and hid GATS's shoe, but definite BIG ups to all the performers for puttin on an ill show. Over and out-

Lollaploozer
I didn't go but I know who was gonna be there. too bad they all suck.It's cool that Snoop had to play with a bullet proof vest on in NYC though, I'm glad to know there's still justice in today's society. Oh and next time some one's gonna put a hit on a rapper make sure its someone good so that they can come out with like 4 more albums.I hate it when bands dont come out with anything for like years and it seems that death always prompts the release of everything they've ever made. Oh yeah, this is about Lollapalooza. Korn are punks, they aren't good enough to drop off concert tours. You have to be good and have respect to do that. All in all shitty bands, stupid people, I bet it would have sucked, definitely not worth an extremely over priced ticket.

The Lillith Fair
All girls.Too bad girls are bad at everything other wise I might have considered going. No disrespect to Jewel though, cause sometimes when I'm in really strange moods she's good .other then that, if you missed it, I assume your not missing much and if you went, sorry I hope you didn't buy a ticket.

TV DINNER REVIEWS


Kid's cuisine macaroni and cheese:
I dont care what they say about TV dinners, they are hard
as shit to make. Never in my life have I had one fully
cooked. The best part is how the macaroni slowly gets
colder as you get into the center, and no amount of stirring
will ever really fix it. The itty bitty amounts of apple sauce
are supah-fly though, quality shit and the instant mashed
potatoes and corn are strait outta school lunch..I give this
meal 7 stars, on a non- existent scale that follows no
apparent pattern.

Top However Many I get to TV Shows of All Time

PEE WEE rocks the hizzouse!!!


Degrassi (Junior) High
Silver spoons
You can;t do that on television
Out of control (diz in effect)
Smurfs
Salute your shorts/Camp Anawana
Babysitters club
Bobby's world
Different Strokes
Charles in Charge
The Simpsons
Pee-Wee's playhouse
anything on the Spanish channel
Magnum P.I.
Xuxa
The WB Monday night line-up
Blossom (Joey Russo, hubba hubba)
Oprah
90210 (the Brenda years only)
Love Boat
The Price is Right (bob barker can still get it up)
Small Wonder
The Cosby Show and the show where he draws stuff and
does voices and Fat Albert
Richie Rich
My Secret Identity
Charlie's Angels
Reading Rainbow (Lavar Burton in effect)
Scoobie-Doo (although every episode involved a ghost, a
mean old man, and a haunted house)
Gimme a break
inspector gadget
the muppet show
Laverne and Shirley
Any made for Tv movie about Amy Fischer
SBTV
The public access show hosted by the girl-scouts where
some dork boy called up and, after repeatedly declaring
that he "liked girl-scouts", when asked which type of
cookie he liked best, replied "blonde ones"
Ghostwriter
Family Ties
My Two Dads
The Tracey Ullman Show
Facts of Life
Wonder Kid (macauly aint washed up)
Garfield (minus the "and friends")
Supermarket Sweep
Press your luck (No wammies in effect)
Double Dare
Family Feud
Who's Line is it anyway?
Mighty Mouse
Gilligan's Island
Murder She Wrote
the Real World 1
any thing on Public Access
Green acres
Addams family
any thing on Nick at night.

MINDLESS BABBLING


****** note to reader: I'm not a preacher , I just play one
on TV. These are some things on my mind right now and,
as hard as I tried not to make this be one of those "live life
this way" deals, it might appear to be one to some. These
are my opinions ,for you own viewing pleasure (or lack
thereof). You don;t have to agree with anything I say, but I
hope that it at least gets you thinking about something, if
only how much of a dork I am. In the words of the great
librarian from Party Girl: Happy readin!*******

Bring Back Hair Rock

Great, another rant about soul from someone who probably has no idea what it is. I'll let
you be the judge of that, kids, but, in writing this, I hope to share with you my thoughts and opinions about varied subject matter.And, in the process, explain that, in my opinion, it is most important to live and enjoy life, not concentrating primarily on the exploitation of matters so as to complain about them. Because I specialize in complaints, I must say that it is okay to be concerned about the disarray of things, all the while vocalizing one's strong opinions, but it is not okay to make this the focus of one's life and forget about those things which truly keep the flame akindlin (yes this doubles as a country song) in one's own little world. Now we begin. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
It has come to my attention that as the 90's(personal motto:money talks bullshit walks)
progresses, so has the exploitation of many a once unpopular, yet incredibly soulful, (I
refuse to use the word underground for it's lack of a having a meaning, see:alternative)
thing, idea, activity, musical genre, etc.,use your imaginations. In this age of "I'm more
individual than your mother", many once spiritual things have been bought, hollywoodized, and, finally, sold to the masses at inflated rates and dubbed as must have articles for any true rebellious/unconventional character. The problem comes about, and some will argue with this, not because millions are now enjoying those things which were once very dear to a secret society of true spiritualists, but because, through the "hip-it to the market" process of selling everything, most of these items have lost the one thing which truly made them meaningful in the first place, SOUL.

According to my pocket dictionary, soul is defined as the"immaterial essence of an
individual." Thank you Franklin. I'm no scholar, but from this definition and a little of my
own handiwork, I can conclude that soul is not about listening to only obscure bands for the sole purpose of declaring oneself more 'core than everyone else, except, of course, your equally 'core friends. Soul is not about dressing to be an individual, which, in most cases, everyone else on the block is doing, solely for the purpose of dubbing oneself as one. And soul is not about a million other things.To me, however, soul is about something within, a little cricket in a top hat who says "let's do this", "I like that", "this is fun", among many other things. The secret to having soul is listening to the cricket and not caring about how "individual" one's actions are, but, rather, living life the way it's meant to be lived, according to one's own thoughts and desires and not those of the "image of the month" c lub. Tim Burton (movie director: Pee-wee's big adventure, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, just to name a few), through his completely innovative and truly individual creations, knows what soul is. There is no doubt in my mind that, at some point, Tim has been laughed at because of his different approach to film making or asked to change something to make it more compatible to the masses. I don't know Tim personally, but I do know that nobody likes to be laughed at ( just a fun fact). Maybe he felt uncomfortable after people made a mockery of his work. Maybe he changed his work because of someone else's request, I simply don;t know, but the moral of the story is, boys and girls, Tim continued doing what he loves despite outside pressure and, as far as I can tell, hasn't been highly influenced by the "this sells movies, baby" attitude of tinsel town. Although a "big-gun" in the movie business and highly involved in the corporate lifestyle, Tim Burton has not, in my opinion, sold-out in the least bit, mostly because of his true individualism,dedication to his own work, and faith in himself and the execution of his ideas. Let that be a lesson to you, kids the word corporate does not automatically mean selling out, despite what you have read in "anti-corporate weekly",and it is possible to be involved in a "popular" activity, yet still hold on to your individualism and soul, although the combination is becoming increasingly rare these days. I'll just dedicate this space to giving a huge megaphone (shout out in the highest form) to Mr. Burton for being a role-model to us all, thank you very much. I could continue this rant in one of two ways, one being to declare myself a truly soulful cat, never influenced by the opinions or views of others, all the while calling you posers, obviously a lie in its entirety. The second being to admit that yes, at times, I do care about what others think, but am usually confident enough in my own beliefs to stand by my actions and opinions. I will also admit that ,at times, I have made assumptions about certain people,which may or may not have been justified, but have never requested a change in someone's beliefs for my own personal benefit or declared myself more 'core than another. Would you like to know why I have not taken this liberty? I thought so, and you will be tested on this because it is VERY important. I, like everyone else on this earth, have no right to declare my nonexistent superiority over another because of the way they live their lives. Remember that! Although some will never admit to it, I think that everyone, although some far more than others, is influenced in some way by other's opinions and, on rare occasions, makes a change in their life because of an insecurity due to the influence of society, be it friend or celeb (thanks, Dolly, for the idea about implants). If anyone can say that they have never been influenced by anyone else, all I have to say is "congratulations for being a hermit."
Although I have many more opinions on this subject matter, I feel that you, my loyal
reader,is probably getting tired of reading, so I will try to wrap-it-up. In closing, I have only one hope, and this is simply a hope, not to be followed by anyone who feels it will impede their "individualism" (or lack thereof). My hope is that, in their paths of life, however varied they may be, people do or believe things because they are listening to their hearts and truly WANT to, not because of a certain image they wish to portray. I hope that if one listens to a certain type of music, one will really listen to it and not simply act as a spokesperson for a genre because of the image it projects when, in fact, one has no knowledge about any bands that actually play this music (minor detail) or the fact that it did not originate from a white boy in Carlton Texas named Robert Van Winkle, or a group of bleach blonde wife beater wearers from Bro-Cal, (insert numerous other examples) .
Secondly, I would just like to re-iterate that nobody is any better than anyone else or has
the right to pass judgment on every person that does not live up to their ideals.My last
hope is that one will share that which one loves with others (cuz sharing means caring).
Although some may fear the "selling-out" of their own lifestyle if exposed to others, all I
ask is that these people remember the feeling which it gives them and can only hope that
they wish to share this feeling with a few deserving others. Lastly, I just want to give a
huge (insert catch derogatory exclamation of your choice) to everyone out there exploiting those few things which truly keep the sincere ones among us going, solely for the purpose of making a buck. I have a secret for all you suckas, souls can not be bought or sold, except, of course, to rock and roll, and I don;t believe any of you go by that name.

An Interview with:
JEFF EVANS


The first time I ever saw Jeff Evans ride I laughed at him
cause his ears stuck out and he was constantly throwing a
temper tantrum. Well a few months have passed and he's
still the spoiled little cry baby he always was but it turns
out he's up pretty high in the snowboarding industry.
Because of his vast name dropping capability and the fact
that no one else wanted to, he is our official "pro
snowboarder that you've never heard of" of the month.

No brainers
age?
15 3/4
years riding?
4 1/4
sponsors?
Burton, Arnette, Volcom and Rolex
favorite Mt.?
Shawnee, PA
beats?
Slayer, Metallica, Iron Maiden and Anthrax

Mind Bogglers
YB:why do you snowboard?
JE:For the money
YB: who would win in a fight: a glamorous lady of
wrestling (GLOW to those who
are hip), Jessie Spano formerly of saved by the bell now of
"mature"
features films, or Vicki the robot/wonder girl from small
wonder?
JE: I'm a lover, not a fighter, so nobody would win.
YB: describe your boo tea wagon?
JE: A nice red shiny Honda Prelude
YB: I was forced to ask, are you down with the stone?
JE: Ah but, the real question is Are You?
YB: who do you ride with?
JE: Anyone who can snowboard.
YB: what's your favorite board game?
JE: Monopoly, of course
YB: which riders are taken things to the next level?
JE: Josh Church
YB: are you hip to the XXX?
JE: definitely
YB: What is your opinion on automated bowling or just
bowling in general?
JE: It sucks, but I understand it's BIG in RutVegas.
YB: More HUGE I'd say!
YB: Tell me about your dad
JE: He beats me silly all of the time!
YB: Must be because he figured out that tails are no
longer in style.
YB: Where do you see yourself going, with snowboarding
or just life in
general, in the next ten years?
JE: Having all the gold in the world and wearing it all
around my
neck at one time like Mr. T.
YB: Describe your ideal golfing get-up
JE: What's golf?
YB: who's your favorite wrestler?
JE: Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Hulk Hogan (after all
he does have
24" pythons)
YB: what is your opinion on the fact that the expression
"I'm out like ever
murder victim hip-hop artist's double CD" is completely
valid"?
JE: Yes, I agree.
YB: what's your favorite magazine that starts with Y(o)
and ends with (bea)T?
JE: Humm......Beats Me!
(at this point in time the young Evans was taken outside
and beaten to a bloody pulp)
YB:whose riding style do you admire?
JE: My own.
YB: Well at least your not conceited at all.
YB: when you're not rollin dice on the corner with the
local miggita(x3) macs,
how do you occupy your time?
JE: Skateboarding and playing hide-and-seek by myself.
YB: what is your opinion on the level of riding (or total
lack thereof) of
snowboarders of the female set?
JE: Simple: Girls Suck!
YB: tell me a joke
JE: Nope!
YB: that's all right just looking at you is entertainment
enough for me.
YB: who's your favorite wu-tang member?
JE: None of them - I'm a true '80's buttrocker!
YB: do you know how to breakdance?
JE: Of course - doesn't everyone!
YB: when at the malt shop tryin to seem suave in the eyes
of the hunnies,
what is your pick up line of choice?
JE: "Yo...where's the weight room?"
YB: have you ever used the phrase "keep it on the d.l."
and if so, and you
aren't already embarrassed enough, why?
JE: Well...can't say that I have.
YB: who are your heroes?
JE: "Macho Man" Randy Savage and The Undertaker!
YB:Big ups to?
JE: Josh Church!

Girls kick ass?

THIS SEGMENT HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO READER COMPLAINTS. AND
THEY SAID WE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE LITTLE PEOPLE. ***JUST A LITTLE DISCLAIMER HOWEVER, THIS ARTICLE WAS NEVER MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE. IT WASN'T EVEN ABOUT EVERYONE. IT BRINGS BACK THE OLD SAYING DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ.

YO beat is.....

Editors and otherwise Important, cool enough to be paid staff members:
Sinner
One Woman Party
(they are tags retard)

Staff photographer:
Monty the slack ass bitch.

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(9/28/98)

September 26, 1997- over and out