THERES A LUMP IN MY BOOT!
(A disturbing tale of an evil pussy and one mans first time)
by John Cavan
So my roommate has this cat and although it looks nice, fluffy and all of the other cute adjectives you use to describe cats, its really an evil cat. You see the thing is a hunter, and its not just a normal hunter its a vindictive hunter. Every night, just before bed, our peaceful bliss is interrupted by the painful suffering of some poor helpless animal. Birds, chipmunks, squirrels, bats, and pretty much the entire mouse population of Andover Nh., have fallen victim to our mighty hunter. Thats normal you say, cats do that sort of thing, not so fast Discovery Joe. This cat has taken to leaving the dying carcass directly in front of my door as a sort of reminder that she hasnt yet forgiven me for moving in and stealing her precious real estate. Limbs, eyeballs, and squirming bodies have become common place to me. If she leaves one for me before I go to bed and I should dare to remove her work of art, then when I awake there will be two more, bludgeoned worse than the first. I will admit, I am not completely innocent in this war of wit. I have answered my challengers taunts with the silent treatment, (cats hate this!) the famous oops did I drop that bucket of water over your head, or the occasional fourth down punt across the living room. Now dont think for a second that Im an animal abuser, this is just friendly competition between to bitter adversarys with a mutual appreciation for one another. Hell, the damn thing is starting to grow on me actually!
My little buddy took our petty little squabble to an entirely new level the other day however! October had arrived and with it came the inevitable overzealous calls from friends to come and join them for Killingtons opening day. It will be sick! I heard several times, Theyve been blowing snow for like a week theres bound to be jumps! Ive heard them all before, every year I vow I wont do it again, and then the following year I do it anyway. Of all of the opening weeks Ive spent at Killington however, this particular one took the cake. For it was this opening week that my bitter enemy, my crafty little demon chose to raise the bar on our feud. After being conned into going to the mountain, I made the windy trip over route four, across rte 100, and up the Killington access road. After making my way through the sea of chakas and shiny new clothes in the parking lot I finally made my way up to the lodge. I pulled my stinky pants, mildewy jacket and crusty gloves from their summertime coffin, and then proceeded to slip on my boots. For some reason I just couldnt get the fit right in my left foot. Now worries I thought, those therma fit liners change with the heat of the summer, in one run it will be fine! As I took the truck ride up to the lift I kept wiggling my toes, trying to break my boot back in but for some odd reason I kept getting this weird lump in my boot. Once up on the mountain the excitement of watching brand new BMCs, Timeless, and J.P. Walker pro models demolished in the thin snow more than took my mind of that annoying little lump. The snow was actually good, and it was fun to be riding again, but theres just something about watching kids trying to huck rodeos opening day on a two inch lip that just really makes the day complete and kinda makes you feel warm all over.
After a few more runs that annoying little foot pain came back, and thinking it was just first day cramps I called it a day and started the long downloading process to the bottom. It was only after returning to the lodge that my filine friends dirty little secret reared its ugly head! While taking that lumpy left boot off, the one that had been causing me all of the pain, a beautiful specimen of a mouses head and shoulder came rolling out. The sheer absurdity and down right wrongness of the whole thing was enough to cause a young mother who was waiting for her hero husband to come down from his first day of skiing , to damn near lose her lunch. After I picked the thing up and began a detailed inspection of the special little treat my friend had left me, two kids decked out in foursquare and Analog clothing went darting for the nearest john. She had got me good, that little pussy had answered my taunts with one swift backlash of violence and vindictiveness to show me just who was boss. As I wound my way back home all I could do was smile, I love that cat, I thought! Later that night when one of my friends quizzed me on how the first day was, I answered quickly It was perfect I rode all day with a dead mouse head in my boot! I couldnt think of a better way to start the season! and didnt say another word! And as my roommates cat hopped on the couch smiling her evil smile at me, I smiled back!
There's a lump in my boot: A disturbing tale of an evil pussy and one man's first time.
Props: Giving thanks is cool, here are ours.
Pro Skater 2: The ultimate cheater's guide.
Y2K Snowboard Videos: A brief review of how to rot your mind until it snows.
Alphanumerics: A letter from a "real" extreme sports journalist.
ACG Indoor: Snow in LA. What will they think of next?
The Downfall of a Dot Com: Bluetorch bites the dust.
Britney Spears: Live in Concert: You're so jealous.
The Wildcats' Revenge: The greeks fight back.
The Stimilon Motocross Challenge and Hessian Session: Jolly Rodger in NH.
Things that I Think are Lame: A heartfelt list of everything that needs to stop now.
Obligatory (not so Good) Mt. Hood Coverage: Yo Beat was there, find out who you can be too.
Another Luke Wynen Interview: This time it's on AOL, sweet.
EQX Games 2000: Warm weather, alternative rock and snowboarding.
Ride The White Heat: See the premiere, read the review.
Aye Matey: Skater Island is finally done. Exclusive photos and more.
The Yo Beat East Coast Skateboard Tour: 1 Car, 1 pro, 1400 miles.
Snowboard Marketing Gone Bad: Every wonder where those really lame ads come from? Cavan is on it.
Nationals vs. Nationals: Find out which one is the coolest.