Emo Welfare
There are a lot of reasons why I am
frustrated with the current administration, not the least of which is
their whimsical spending of hundreds of billions of dollars abroad
juxtaposed with their hypocritical claim to thriftiness, garnered by
cutbacks in programs that help children afford medical care, send
oppressed minorities to college, and help the poverty stricken to find
housing and work.
But this is not an article in which I propose a measure to increase the
common good. Instead I am proposing a law to help those who are often
over-looked even by those in congress (albeit a minority) who stand up for
the rights of the many over the rights of the few.
If Emo Welfare existed, Hijack the Disco might be able to own their
own washers and dryers and then they wouldn't have to be made to
feel bad about being so emo by this happy drawing. |
What I propose is that we expand the
welfare system to include funding for artists who are too "emo" for their
own good. "Emo Welfare," is the name of the bill which I have written
with my own senator after a late night wine-drinking Saddle Creek binge.
Emo Welfare would help those who are too emotional or too self-oriented to
help themselves. Because it is time that we as a nation accept the
fact that it is too
hard for a person to have good floppy-banged, black dyed, hair and hold
down a job. That it is too hard to be a struggling indy-rocker obsessed
with his or her own personal private maladies to get up out of bed in the
morning, much less get up at 10:00 a.m. to go serve coffee at Starbucks.
The emo are the chosen few, who, although they are privately funded by
their parents and/or trust funds, can't be expected to manage their own
fiscal life. The properly or professionally emo musician will spend most
of their monthly parental allowance on new clothes, cds, and rent, or
furniture from Ikea. Often they have to skip meals so that they can
afford to go to the good coffee shop to be seen, or so
that they can fit into that new pair of skin tight jeans.
The emo are a vital part of our national identity. With out emodom,
California itself would barely exist, let alone Midwestern states like
Ohio, Illinois, and Nebraska. Forget about Williamsburg. Emo is what
separates proud Americans from freedom-hating terrorists.
So even though we are struggling though a political era of big business,
of growing monopolies, of the rich getting richer and the poor getting
poorer, I think that this bill is one that will serve to unite government
rather than foment the growing divide between Democrat and Republican,
between conservative and liberal.
What could be more in the cause of freedom and democracy than the right of
overly-privileged, overly-sensitive, upper-middle class youth, to drink,
smoke, and mope wantonly throughout their twenties in an angst ridden
dance of self-obsession? If we forced these emo stars to get jobs, rather
than weekly checks from the government, then I think we would all be to
blame for spreading the seeds of national disunity and destruction. Vote
"yes" for emo welfare. -Kevin |
|
|