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US States as European Countries – An Arbitrary Cultural Analysis

The world is a vast, yet tiny place and although the climates, cultures and skin tones vary greatly from place to place, there are an awful lot of similarities between Americaland and Euroland. It’s almost like we descended from the same primate or something… But because making broad generalizations about places, some of which we’ve never actually been to, is almost as fun as loading up a boat and crossing the Ocean – we present the following list of US States and their European counterparts. To save ourselves a little bit of brain power though, we’ve mostly focused on the states/countries that have actual snowboarding, unless we came up with a really clever comparison.

West Coast

Oregon = Czech Republic

It used to be cool and low key. Now Prague/Portland is played out and getting overdeveloped, but hey at least there’s legal weed!

Washington = Holland/The Netherlands

Tulips mostly. Also Seattle is pretty much our Amsterdam these days. If Washington could just get a snow dome or two, then we’d really be onto something, but I guess we’ll have to settle for Mt. Baker.

Cali livin’, brah.

California =  France, Spain and Portugal

California is just too big to be one European country, but the culture, food, wine and coast line of Northern California is the Mediterranean. The beaches and chill vibes of Portugal are San Diego County, Spain covers the rest of So Cal, with Barcelona being the Spanish version of LA. That leaves France to cover Napa Valley and the Bay Area – which means Paris is definitely San Francisco.

Alaska =  Iceland

Just like Alaska used to be Russia, Iceland used to be Denmark. Lots of people go there, but very few people are actually from there, and as a result the locals have to be very careful to make sure they don’t hit on their own cousins. Also, polar bears.

Hawaii = Monaco

Tropical paradises, essentially. And while the Helgason’s are summering in Monaco, Shaun White surfs in Oahu.

The West

If you’re still mad at Colorado, blame Vail Resorts!

Colorado =  Switzerland

Giant mountains, central location, freedom and shit. But you couldn’t afford to live there.

Montana = Russia

Two insanely beautiful places with some super sick mountains, where people like to drink (and drive) and give very few fucks – but are just a wee bit behind the times.

Nevada = Turkey*

Legit snowboarding in Tahoe that we can parallel to the Ural mountains of Turkey, and Vegas is definitely Istanbul.

We missed posting this one last year, so watch it now! 

Utah = Germany

Ski nazis = actual nazis. This one may feel harsh to Americans, because Mormons are generally super nice people and Utah is home to the best snowboarding in the world, but history is the real asshole in this case.

Idaho = Finland

A cold place no one needs to visit, with a city that’s almost really cool but just never will be because… it’ll always be in Idaho. That said, both have solid snowboard scenes and have turned out some serious talent over the years.

The Flat States

An artsy flick about how to make the most of life in a barren wasteland.

North Dakota = Mongolia*

A vast wasteland with lots of unusable snow. That is, unless you’ve got a snowmobile and/or a winch.

South Dakota = Romania

They’re both a lot more interesting than you’d think.

The Midwest

The Midwest’s finest snowboarding export, 1817

Minnesota = Norway

Quintessentially perfect places with lots of fair-skinned blond people. Perfect, if only it didn’t get so. Damn. Cold.

Wisconsin = Sweden

Stockholm/Milwaukee are cool. The rest of the land is a bunch of farms. But for snowboarding – Trollhaugen is the tits and Sweden pumps out enough serious rippers that it must have rope tows, too.

Michigan – Bosnia

Detroit and war-torn Sarajevo seem close enough to make this call. But if you actually go to either of these places, we think you’d be pleasantly surprised.

New England

Southern Vermont’s heaviest up and comers.

Vermont = Austria 

A perfect combo of East Coast Work ethic/German precision and chill hippie/Swiss vibes.

Maine = Denmark

A little different in size but almost the same shape! Maine might also just be Canada. Your call.

New Hampshire = Croatia.

Beautiful places with tons of lakes and waterfalls, held together with that blue collar/Eastern European edge.

We’ll use any excuse to post a Yawgoons video, really. 

Rhode Island = Slovenia

Amazing places that no one knows or cares about (well, if it weren’t for the Yawgoons, that is.)

Massachusetts = Ireland

Two damp, green places with similar drinking problems.

Mid Atlantic

If you don’t know about ICKS already, well, where the hell ya been, buddy?

New York = The United Kingdom

London is NYC, the England is the burbs, and we’ll toss Wales and Scotland in to serve as “upstate.”

Pennsylvania = Belgium.

Decent light beer and two totally different cultures in one.

New Jersey = Italy

The armpit of America meets the most stereotypically macho culture we can come up with in Europe.

Washington DC = The Vatican

Two places with their own sets of rules.

The South

Who are the good crews in Flagstaff these days? Are there any? Bueller….?

Arizona = Bulgaria

Native people, natural beauty and a snowboard scene that’s core af.

New Mexico = Estonia

Super underrated with tons of culture and native shit.

Texas = Mexico

Because there is no Texas in Europe, and there never will be.

A summation of  living the dream in the Florida…from our old pals at Alliance.

Florida = Greece

Horrible governing, and more importantly all the old people wear similar outfits.

Georgia = Georgia

Cause, duh.

 

West Virginia = Poland

Beautiful place, nice people, but well-known for not being the sharpest tacks in the box.

Missouri = Ukraine

The two worst places to live on each continent. Though we should probably apologize to the Ukraine for this one.

And with that, we turn this debate over to you… Feel free to chime in if we missed your state or you totally think we’re wrong.

*Actually in Asia. Whatever.

 

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Comments (14)

  1. good post for sure, it was fun to read it, I agree 100% with Minnesota = Norway… but it is obvious that you have not visited Finland

     
  2. URALS are in Russia not in Turkey

     
  3. shut up BICH,,,, white boy …. CALI IS MEXICO PROPERTY .. get out . go to northern idaho

     
    • ban this guys ip please ^^^

       
  4. Is the writer american ? Please Mongolia ISN’T in Europe !

     

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