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Despite the potential for ridicule, people continue to send terrible, inappropriate or otherwise asinine edits to Yobeat. And for this edition, long-time Yobeat armchair quarterback Collin Whalen requested the honor of doing the rejecting. The corporate policy at Yobeat is everyone gets a chance to blow it, so if you think Collin’s write ups suck as bad as the videos, you know where to leave your comments. But remember, the other option is KC Kyle…
Off the Clock Ep. 1
Grade: B for Bland
Okay. So first off, this song sucks. What is it, like a six-year-old Black Keys song? Not only that, but this shit is so played out and doesn’t even go well with a snowboard edit. Might work in a car commercial including some weekend warrior taking one, or two at the most turns before it cuts to beach going frat boys jamming out in their new whip that mom and dad bought them. So please consult someone with better music taste next time. Editing is a little rough; just make it transition a bit smoother. Otherwise, I thought it was laid out decently. The dude with the enders was a good choice, but what is with that saggy ass beanie under the helmet? Also the camera beams… Just screams insecure. One more thing; it’s almost February and this looks like October or something. Nobody is going to be excited to watch an edit that is sub-par to the hundreds of pre-season edits that have already come out. Also, harsh ass tap on that bs 180 switch “5-0.” I see you.
Grade: C for Cute
Again, shit song for snowboarding. Maybe it’s because you’re all still young and haven’t broadened your musical horizons. Maybe you just don’t look into the music you’re interested in. Anyway, it was cute how your admiration for avant-garde type videos came across, but it didn’t work, sorry. Try doing something more original but in the same realm; just make it your own. Now, 50-50 180s out are only acceptable in two situations. One, the rail or feature is fucking huge. Two, if you actually Ollie out with style, preferably over another obstacle. There were some rad shots in there, but speed it up, get closer with the fisheye, and get a little more aggressive with your zoom. This just needs to get sped up in all areas really. Along with that, this park is extremely miniature, so please get creative with it. It’ll really help.
Woodbury in Lowe Quality
Grade: A- for almost totally awesome
Improving on the music a bit here, but still not quite there. Ramones were cool back in the day, but now with an entire history of punk music, there are so many songs that would be so much better for this. I like the fast-paced riding/editing and a faster/louder song would better suit it. You guys also all destroyed that place. Real solid riding and no bullshit filler. I’m quite the sucker for knee-crunching maneuvers too. Water chug is dope, switching it up from the classic beer chug. Really the two things that would make this feature-worthy would be to cut the day footage and get at least one tranny finder at the end of that red rail. That tranny was just asking for a forceful pumping. Y’all must be virgins.
Going HUGE with a kite and snowboard and blah blah blah…
Grade: Non-applicable due to lack of actual snowboarding
Come on… This is a snowboard website. This video practically requires no skills on a snowboard, considering 90% of the time you were flying by kite. I can guarantee that not one person who frequents this site would ever want to watch this. If they did, they’d go to a fucking kiteboarding website. But wait, actual kiteboarders do tricks while they’re hundreds of feet in the air. You kind of just hung there like a dead pig on a hook, except for that poor attempt at a tailgrab. So I bet you’d get rejected over there as well. Narration unnecessary. Nobody cares about your trip story that consists of nothing exciting. The claiming in the description also makes me second-guess if those sponsors do actually back you; and if they do, then I will be quite disappointed in them. So yeah, this doesn’t belong here. Really doesn’t belong anywhere except maybe to show your family or coworkers over at ClifBar.
WaWa After Dark Season 2: Episode 1
Grade: D for Dweebs
This is a complete disappointment to O.D.B. and the entire 36th Chamber of Shaolin. If O.D.B. saw this when he was alive, he’d most likely quit hip-hop out of embarrassment. You guys really fooled me with that semi-professional looking intro, but jesus christ, get a fucking light that works if you’re going to film at night. I could hardly tell that you guys zeached just about half of your shots. Can’t fool me, even with your accidental filming trickery. That street plant could’ve been cool if you got the grab, but your dweeby little arms couldn’t quite reach the board. That face smash on the rail got me hyped though, but that was really the only highlight of the entire video. Quit zeaching, quit sagging all your slides, get a light, land your tricks, and don’t ramp slomo a front board on a tiny flat bar.
DON’T FALL FOR IT (it’s a trap), teaser 1
Grade: D for Don’t make another teaser, please
Don’t worry guys; I didn’t fall for your trap. I almost did, as that first shot looked like it might be something of worth. Then I was sorely disappointed. Not only by that shot, but the entire so called “teaser.” This didn’t tease me. If anything, you guys just teased yourselves, like in the way a bully teases a nerd; except you were the victim and the bully. I thought it was pretty great how you all ate so much shit on the smallest spots though. Always fun to watch. Why the same fence ride twice though? I know one was frontside and one was backside, but it’s the same damn trick. At least put the two shots back to back real quick. Aside from all the negatives, you were in the streets setting up your own spots, and I can respect that.
Nightlife Vol 1: The Mixtape
Grade: B for Beer fail
Good choice on starting off with the ugly ass homie. Good way to catch peoples’ attention. For the opening line though, it was very meh. Stretched it out too long for how non-exciting it was. Not only that, but in the “make’’ he didn’t Ollie over the pole AND he came off early. Not acceptable here. I would also suggest learning how to skateboard before trying one-footers. Not only will you actually land them, but they will actually look good. I liked this edit for the most part though. Got a soul turn in there with a little Ollie out, a humorous shotgun fuck up, and an anti-climactic ender to keep the viewer questioning what the right way to end an edit is. Just like the WaWa dweebs though, you do need a better light if you’re going to film at night and cig shots are so irrelevant now. It’s 2015 and weed is making its way to ruling the world. So lets see some on hill quad perk bong rips or something. Maybe take the volcano vape bag out for a run. Now that’s smokey.
Sweatpants and Steeze
Grade: F for… well, failure
You failed. I get it; you’re kids having fun away from home with no parents for the first time. We’ve all been there. We get it. Nobody wants to watch this shit though. If I was to go into detail, I could write an entire dissertation on how obnoxious this was, but I can’t get school credit for that so I’m just going to keep it simple and straight. Don’t make any more edits that are anything like this in any way. Just maybe take a step back from the camera all together and just board. You’re young and have lots of free time. Your knees still work and you can board days on end without feeling like you got in a car wreck. So take advantage of it and maybe you’ll get good enough one day to where someone who knows how to film and edit will film you. Good luck and board on.