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30-Something Reasons Colorado Sucks

colorado

It’s often been commented, “Yobeat hates Colorado.” So much so that it’s become a running joke every time we feature a CO edit. Now, it’s not entirely to say that we, the staff of Yobeat, hate the place – it has a few redeeming qualities. Southern Colorado terrain is insane, if you wanna ride parks they’re some of the best in the country, and you get drunk way easier at 10,000 feet. But that’s where it stops. The following are all the reasons the Silver State sucks.

1. Bros

You’re sure to run into your fair share of bros at any ski area, comes with the territory, really. But Colorado boasts a special brand of arrogant, drunk, legally-high assholes. Granted most of them are on probably there on vacation from Indiana, but they choose Colorado! That’s gotta say something.

2. Skiers

Skiers are everywhere and for the most part harmless, but in Colorado, they actually think they’re cool because they ski.

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3. Long Traverses

Snowboarders at Vail literally ride with poles.

4. Lack of snow

Now I’m not talking about Southern Colorado, we all know Wolf Creek gets dumped on blah blah blah, but anyone who actually lives in Colorado can tell you those storms are few and far between. And half the time when it snows, the snow is too damn light to actually cover anything.

5. High Prices

$110 for a day ticket? $50 for parking? We’re good.

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6. High altitude

Summit County is based around 9000 ft. The base lodge at Silverton is at 10k. As we mentioned before, high altitude is great for getting drunk efficiently, but it also makes it hard to breathe, makes putting on your boots the hardest thing ever, and makes it hard to sleep. But the biggest issue with the thin air is you just can’t think straight, which may explain why everyone in Colorado is such a kook.

7. Never Summer

Oh you make your snowboards in the US? Cool story. Remember when they tried to patent reverse camber?

8. Shitty avy conditions

When and if it does snow, the Colorado backcountry is downright treacherous. Stay alive out there, kids.

9. Rich people

With places that are expensive comes the people that can afford them. Now, aside from the “corest” kids, most snowboarders do come from means, but I’m talking about the shitty rich people. The ones that look down on you just because you haven’t taken a shower in a week and you like to have a beer on the first chairlift. Yeah them. Fuck them.

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10. Nazi ski patrol

Cut a rope? Lose your pass. Go fast? Lose your pass. Have fun? Lose your pass. Now, as I personally know a ski patroller in Colorado who’s almost an alright guy, but there are just a few too many rules at the “big resorts” for me.

11. It’s cold as fuck

Oh cool, high of negative 5 today? Fuck you.

12. It’s flat as hell

This is of course, what causes the long traverses, but even the “steeps” of Summit County are ya know, pretty mellow.

13. Texans

They get even worse due to the lack of Oxygen.

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14. Oxygen Bars

I’ve never been in one, but I assume it’s horrible. I mean, they have them in Los Angeles.

15. It’s windy, everywhere

Again, flat + tiny little excuses for trees make for the whipping wind experience that is an every day occurrence.

16. The lift lines at Breck and Keystone

Ever been to either place on a weekend? Then you know. You are better off just crushing your own skull under a large truck.

17. The Traffic on I-70

You know what’s the best part of a day riding in Colorado? The six hours you spend in traffic in I-70 to get there from Denver!

18. General Overhype

Local pride is real, so we get it. You love where you live and that’s why you live there. But would it kill you to just be honest with the other people. Hell, maybe it would keep some of them away and solve two of the aforementioned problems.

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19. Vail Resorts

Nuff said.

20. Fake snow totals on the reports

Sure, maybe there are 7-inch drifts around your measuring stick, but what you actually mean is “a dusting.” While not entirely a exclusive-to-Colorado phenomenon, resort marketers seem to get extra creative in the Rockies.

21. 3.2 Beer

Yes, you can get real beer in the Liquor store or any of the 40,000 craft breweries, but damn it, I want to pick it up with my groceries, and that shit is 3.2. Worst part, unless someone tells you this, you can spend your whole vacation wondering why you’re not getting drunk, even at 10,000 feet.

22. Tourists on Weed

Tourists are the worst – always screwing up driving, getting lost, asking stupid questions. And in Colorado, they’re all high as hell. Good luck with that.

23. Every 13 year-old can double cork

It’s just not fair how good these little brats are.

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24. Angry Snowboarder. 

Just chill out, dude. Smoke some legal weed perhaps.

25. Legal Weed

It’s not that we’re not in favor of legal weed, as we just mentioned, but we’re pretty sure the feds blew up Leo’s just to prove a point. Not to mention the annoying bi-products that have come because of it such as dabs, oils, weed snobs, etc.

26. Mountain academy kids in general

Mountain Academies attract two types of people: rich kids who love to snowboard and rich kids who’s parents think they’re going to be the next Shaun White. And everyone knows, we don’t need another Shaun White.

27. Superpipes

Remember when we had 9′ halfpipes? That was fun.

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28. CU Boulder

Frat boys, college kids, and all the shit that goes along with that.

29. People from the Midwest think it’s the only place you can snowboard

If you’ve never left the grain belt, and your only impression of snowboarding is movies like Out Cold and Cloud Nine, you probably don’t know there are more mountains on the other side of Colorado. And why would you care?

30. Made-for-TV contests

Oh good, ESPN is in town. Let’s jack up the prices and block off the streets! Remember the Dew Tour, it wasn’t all in Colorado, but it was obviously Colorado’s fault.

31. Long boarders.

We already explained that one. Click the link.

32. Moguls. 

It’s a guarantee you will accidentally end up in a mogul field riding in Colorado if you don’t know where you’re going. And if you like riding moguls, well, I just don’t know.

32.5 Vail Resorts.

Yes, we know we already said that, but fuck. Come on, man.

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Comments (184)

  1. Those NwvwrSummer fanboys love to beat that “made in America” drum. Don’t ask them about their boots, googles, bindings, or outerwear tho…

     
  2. Wow. This is a far cry from the other “reasons places other than I love suck” pieces that have come out of yobeat. This reads less as satire and more of the complaining of a bitter self-righteous b*tch. It’s not so much that you’re identifying some valid points, yeah it’s pricy and lift lines are long and the terrain can be mellow (go ride a-basin for a change), but so much of this seems like a laundry list of telling an entire region and the people who live there, “go get f*cked” Personally, I don’t get why you, as a publication that covers snowboarding across a wide regional spectrum, would potentially alienate people on something as petty and superficial as where they live. Did it not cross your mind that most people that visit this site and support your business are not from Oregon? Perhaps maybe that they like living where they have chosen to call, even temporarily, a home? I guess I would close by asking you; how would you feel if you came onto snowboardermag and read a piece by Pat Bridges about 30 reasons why yobeat was a tarnish on our integrity as a self-respecting snow culture as a whole? You can do better than this, probably without the self-loathing too.

     
  3. this is really stretching for content. not to mention most of these points are idiotic in nature. i like colorado. peace.

     
  4. Come on dont be so butt hurt over Avran. Noone actually likes that dude. Most of these are spot on, but you can always find your ways to avoiding them. The bros suck, but the nightmare crew is pretty solid and keeping a cool scene going. Man fuck Avran and all the summit county bros. but keep posting articles like this, we don’t want more self entitled douchebag transplants in summit. Oh yeah FUCK TEXANS

     
  5. Yea Colorado sucks,
    Everyone go to Utah (where there isnt even liquor store’s or weed) or Tahoe, where snow used to be a thing that happened.

     
  6. Yeeesh Brooke, really running out of things to write about. Too cold? It’s winter…it’s cold everywhere. Winds? Yes, you are on top of a mountain, it will get windy. Vail? No one likes Vail, we all know that. High altitude? No we’re just crying over spilled milk. Legal Weed? No you are just dragging your face across said spilled milk. Oh and shameless tossing of Angry back into your “hate system” again, weaksauce.

     
  7. I think everyone at yobeat is bummed about CO because none of them could hit any of the rails or jumps at breck or Key

     
  8. Colorado: At least we’re not California.

     
  9. Some valid points for sure, but I could think of 101 reasons Yobeat sucks. Jerms counts as 20 of them

     
  10. Nevada is the Silver State, you butt nuggets.

     
  11. Seriously tho Brooke just let me enter your bhole and I will change your feelings on Colorado.

     
  12. Also, nice diverse array of pictures taken within a 150 foot radius at Vail. My 12 year old stepbrother uses more proper syntax.

     
  13. HAHA YES!! These are spot on! You could have ripped on NeverDanker a lil harder But you know what doesn’t suck about CO? The skateparks! Brooke there are hundreds of 2ft quarters to battle on.

     
  14. Most the things on that list you can apply to any ski resort. I live and will always be on the east coast, cause lets face it, were hard as fuck. Its fucking cold and windy as shit here. There are mogul’s, superpipes, slow skiing signs, weed snobs, jocks, rich academy kids, weekend traffic, lift lines and expensive ass tickets. Skiing and snowboarding is a rich white man sport lets not forget that. Ive ridden copper, breck and a-basin and they were all sick as fuck.

     
  15. the main reason yobeat thinks this is due to the overwhelming number of shittily filmed edits with wack music choice (in their opinion) that are coming from the people of Colorado. I think the Colorado filming renaissance is among us so stay tuned folks.

     
  16. yo fuck colorado. shit is cold.

     
  17. Colorado Does Suck! Don’t Come here!

     
  18. I’ve yet to see one comment on this post that may not have been posted by a teenage girl having her first period…maybe the west coast is full of a bunch of babies…if you’re dead set on where you live being the “best place on earth” to ride, you’re doing it wrong…keep exploring & you’ll see where this article is coming from!

     
  19. Write one of these about Washington, make it sound serious with great points and maybe everyone will stop moving here

     
    • Yes! Fuck washington. Stevens is blown out, baker is too far away without any fast chairs, and Crystal Mountain is full of bigoted ski patrollers and they hate fun. Let’s save people from the trouble of coming to Washington!

       
      • consistent snowfall. AKA the most snow in the lower 48 4 years running. However that number doesn’t amount to the amount of snow lost to high snow levels and rain for weeks then turning the mountain to a sheet of glacial ice. Stay in Colorado. Moving out west is 2000 and late. Just hate from your couch in flatville midwest.

         
  20. “Remember when we had 9? halfpipes? That was fun.

    9″ or 9’? did you really ride a 9 inch halfpipe?

     
  21. Love you bb, fuck co., y’all kooks stay there.

     
  22. I think you’re supposed to stay anonymous when u bitch about something you have no idea about @yobeat

     
  23. Brooke gave my wiener dogs an ad a year ago on YoBeat and they’re from Colorado. That doesn’t suck.

     
  24. I just think it’s sad,snowboarders are already judged on so many different things as is,now there is snowboarders judging snowboarders…. What happend to throwing up methods,high fives and spraying skiers??

     
  25. I bet you cried like a little bish while you wrote this too you pussy. Why didn’t you include your name in the article so we could pinpoint who’s sorry ass wrote this chit.

     
    • hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
      you must be new around here

       
    • “bisshh” you are dumb as fuck. Get that fake hard gansta “chit” out of here you shit squeezer.

      This dude right here is where the hate from Colorado comes from. He is a token front range dbag. The whole front range is full of fucktard never summer fanboys who think they own the mountains because they happen to live in the same state.

      FYI, no one who actually lives in the mountains of Colorado likes front rangers. The are all zumiez shopping gapers who each think they are the coolest person you will ever meet. They will say shit like “pow pow” on a 2″ day then describe how “epic” it was.

      Brooke, you make fun of texans and tourist but I’d rather ride up a lift with them over a front ranger who vibes ya out and tells you they are from “here”, but actually live in Denver.

      I 70 is a joke because of the front rangers. These sheepels flock up every weekend to act like douche bags and sit in traffic half the time.

      As for the rest of the list; ya, pretty much can be found at every ski resort.

      “Colorado is flat” yeah compared to what? the whole east coast/mid west is a hell of a lot flatter then Colorado. I haven’t seen a whole further west that is steeper either. Maybe you should learn how to ride a snowboard, then you wont even notice traverses

      “Snow is to light” hahaha, thats about as dumb of a statement that can be made. West coast snow is wet as shit and the east coast ice is fucking horrible.

      “Full of Tourist and gapers” yeah because that problem is only in Colorado, no tourists go anywhere else. What about the Asian invasion that takes place in cali every weekend?

      “Lift lines are long”, just like at every other major resort on the weekends in america. Here is a suggestion, trying going somewhere that isn’t right off of I 70 on the weekends. How is this any different from the flood of Seattle dbags that go up to the mnts every weekend

      “never summer sucks” I agree, and there fanboys suck also. But Lib Tech PNW fanboys are worse.
      The PNW is full of hipster douches plain and simple.

      As far as Utah goes, its fucking weird. I don’t care if you can buy beer and find weed. SLC is the least Mormon in the state and its still 50% Mormon. Utards is a real thing

      In conclusion; Front Rangers suck, tourist suck, Yobeat sucks, pretty much everywhere sucks

      I guess the only viable option is to move to Jackson or Montana… but I’m sure you hate it there too.

       
      • No way Jackson blows, tons of douches there, Montana is fun, pretty sure you forgot about British Columbia and Alaska mother fucker.

         
        • Well wouldn’t you love Jackson then since you’re the biggest douche on yobeat? Ruroc wearing 13 yo are less of a douche than you are KC

          I was talking the continental USA “mother fucker”

          99.999999999% of your comments are retarded. Never funny or intelligent. Stay in KC you fucking flatlander kook.

           
          • You didn’t say continental 48 in your original comment, which was way too long anyways. And I love Kansas City, great place to hang in the summer. And don’t worry I’ll only be stopping by Colorado once this year, to take an illegal shit in the Forrest, then get back on the road headed to the last frontier.

             
  26. “It’s not that we’re not in favor of legal weed, as we just mentioned, but we’re pretty sure the feds blew up Leo’s just to prove a point. Not to mention the annoying bi-products that have come because of it such as dabs, oils, weed snobs, etc.”
    the fuck is your problem with making hash cuhh

     
  27. I am a native Coloradoan and I think this is hilarious. I also love Colorado, it’s a great place if you know where to go and when. Reading these comments makes me sick though. Who cares if someone that you have no relation to what so ever doesn’t like Colorado? If you like it, then enjoy it. Someone that doesn’t like it doesn’t threaten your whole enjoyment, or at least shouldn’t. This shit is written to attract readers. Take off your colorado flag garb and learn to take a joke. Jesus fucking Christ!

     
  28. We did coin the term Powder Sucks here.

     
  29. I wish bloggers who have nothing to say and no talent with which to say it would just go and find a real job already and quit clogging up the internet with garbage.

    I know making lists is the currently approved method of cranking out borderline spam that passes for shareable content, but this is as lazy and uncreative as they come. This girl would be stretching her talents to write a shopping list.

    [copied from my response on reddit where this article was shared]

     
  30. Wait so you complain about high altitude and oxygen bars. You do realize the reason you have such troubles is probable #1 cuz you are fat and #2 you lack oxygen. Which is why there are oxygen bars in Colorado.. Never been in one? Well you don’t have to go to the bar but you can get canisters to help with your altitude sickness

     
  31. Yeah!!! Colorado sucks! Nobody should come here. The skiing and snowboarding suck compared to anywhere else where the mountains are with in an hour drive. The weather sucks. The sun is shining over 330 days a year and it is so sunny the abundance of vitamin D will make you sick. Feeling sick from the altitude? Take an Advil because even though weed is legal it is lame to smoke it. “There is no hope with dope.” -Zack Morris.

     
  32. Hahaha, yes, comment board is getting as good as the article. Keep em coming Brooke, from an 11 year local if say the perspective is on point. Good for a laugh, and stereotypes are there for a reason kids…

     
  33. I bet you were cool in Colorado!

     
  34. Summit county is where dreams go to die. Keystone has a really fun park though, probably the best in the nation.

     
  35. Flippin Bird: the best thing to come out of Colorado.

     
  36. Forgot Dubstep

    Tell ya what doesn’t suck. Living and being in the mountains. Pretty easy thing to pull off in CO. Beats the hell out of suckin down pollution!

     
  37. Legal weed and stu lives there, so of course I’m gonna go there and vacation at the Holiday Inn. Shoulda posted Chickenbone’s edit instead of this.

     
  38. Yeahhh! Keep the hate comin! If people are dumb enough to listen to you it means less (dumb) people on our resorts = more snow for us.

     
  39. How the fuck did Candygrind not make the list?

     
  40. The oxygen bar and weed store in breck are the chyllest.

     
  41. This may have been said (I’m too lazy to read all comments) but it sucks to live in but not to visit once in the winter and a few times in the summer.

     
  42. THIS IS ALMOST THE FINAL STRAW WITH THE IDIOCRACY PERSPECTIVES THAT YOUR WEBAZINK IS CONTINUALLY TAKING.

    YOU GUYS ARE DROPPING THE WHOLE BALL ON SNOWBOARDING IN GENERAL. YOU’RE MISSING THE COMMON DENOMINATOR (THE NUMERAL BELOW THE LINE IN A FRACTION).

    SNOWBOARDING IS ONLY ABOUT AMAZING MOMENTS STACKING UP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. NOT THE WRONG ONES. ALL OF YOU FOOLS WHO ARE OUT THERE TO JUST CAUSE DRAMA ARE A BUNCH OF MISLED LEFTOVERS. TIGHTEN UP.

    I’M ASHAMED OF EVEN VIEWING THIS SENSELESS NEGATIVITY AT THIS POINT. PEOPLE SNOWBOARD FOR BETTER REASONS THAN THIS ARTICLE PORTRAYS.

    IS YOBEAT GOING TO BLOSSOM OR FLOP FROM IT’S OWN STATEMENTS? FIND YOUR TRUE CENTER AND BE POSITIVE ABOUT THIS INCREDIBLE ACTIVITY OF SHREDDING THAT BINDS US ALL, OR THINGS AIN’T GOING TO BE SEEMING SO TOLERABLE ON THE FANS FRONT.

     
  43. kids in Africa would trade their sand hills for snow hills in a heart beat

     
  44. yobeat is a flop dude. Dont be sucha kook ok?!

     
  45. Yessss so perfect. Literally 30 minutes ago I was explaining to someone how the elevation generates over-psyched kooks.

     
  46. can’t help but to think this article was in response to the angry snowboarder beef. I know its summer, but no one needs to hear this kinda stuff c’mon u guys

     
  47. Yeah, Colorado has a pretty shitty rep (admittedly deserving) but there’s some pretty lame stuff in Oregon that Colorado doesn’t have.

    -Hipsters
    -Shitty weather
    -No legal weed
    -Wet snow

    And as if Hood and Bachelor don’t have

    -Wind
    -Bros
    -Skiers
    -Cold weather

     
  48. thats right, no powder, no steep shit, ONLY kooks. No skateparks, no spots, no girls. Nowhere to find weed, no places that sell full strength alcohol. No homies.

    Colorado is the worst.

     
  49. Longboards? dont u mean Wrongboards?
    But in a reality Never Summer is my biggest problem with colorado.. cuz never summer brings all the “bros”, 13 year old double corkers that well never hear of, kooks translates into…, CU boulder kids, traffic on I-70 and people from Denver can’t drive for shit, angry snowboarders and academy kids..
    but I do still like Colorado..

     
  50. Yes! Colorado sucks. Don’t come here, don’t vacation here. Please don’t ever ride these mountains. Our fluffy powder is fake, face shots don’t exist here. Our mountains are boring, our beer is shitty, our weed is schwag and our people are assholes. About time you all realize how horrible it is.

     
  51. A Basin is pretty steep, maybe you should ride Pali for a season and quit bitching.

     
  52. Make a list about how much portland/hood sucks, bet its longer. Personally i hate anything not in new jersey

     
  53. #18 is great! I live in Breck and we wouldn’t mind if some people stayed home.

     
  54. Wow, Brooke Geery, the author of this mildly entertaining article is a cynical asshole. I have a feeling she lives in Tahoe.

     
  55. Yep colorado really sucks.. Just stay in Texas, don’t come here. #keepsummitforlocals

     
  56. I’m from vail and I find this hilarious. There’s some truth here and it doesn’t offend me one bit.

    Please, tell all your friends that colorado sucks. Seriously. You’re not wanted here. We are purposely being assholes because we want you to leave.

     
    • Oh your “from” vail. Cool story bro. You must be in ski club, and ride east vail everyday, and hit Pete’s stash between laps, then hang out at “the dude” to talk about how “epic” the pow was today. Go fuck your self

       
  57. KC Kyle, you epitomize the breed of kook that moves to Colorado for a couple of seasons and physically moves on, although your mind never left. I hate myself for taking the time to respond to this shit. Furthermore, you write with the syntax and punctuation of someone who dropped out of a middle school in Kentucky.

     
    • Did you really just say syntax, and epitomize on Yobeat? You sound like a recent college grad that can’t get a good job and is pissed because you just spent 100k for nothing…was it really worth sucking society’s dick for nothing?

       
  58. Could yobeat do something on me soon please?

     
    • I have your pro model. Will you please sign it for me?

       
    • THE FIRST TIME I EVER WENT TO COLORADO WAS BACK IN 1990 WITH A WEEK LONG BRECKENRIDGE SHREDDING ADVENTURE (SLEEPING ON FLOORS WAS MY ‘TING) STAYING WITH A BRO OF MY FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

      I TOOK THE PEAK 8 CHAIR UP ON MY AND IMMEDIATELY IT WAS A SURREAL EXPERIENCE FOR ME AT THAT TIME. ON THE LIFT ALSO WERE THREE OBVIOUSLY SPONSORED SNOWBOARDERS WHO TURNED OUT TO BE THE INFAMOUS COLLIER BROTHERS (J.J. & DAVE) FROM NORTH CAROLINA AND THEN VERTICAL SKATING & SNOWBOARDING PROFESSIONAL JIMI SCOTT.

      ON THE WAY UP, WE ALL TALKED AND GOT ALONG WELL. I BEGAN FOLLOWING THEM DOWN THE MOUNTAIN THROUGH ALL OF THESE HAIRBALL LITTLE SNAKERUNS AND GLADED CONTOURS GOING FASTER THAN I HAD EVER BEEN. KEEPING UP WITH THEM WAS A CHALLENGE. I REMEMBER THINKING RIGHT THEN AND THERE THAT STYLE IS CLEARLY TANTAMOUNT TO GOOD RIDING. THEY KNEW HOW TO TURN THEIR SNOWBOARDS BETTER THAN I HAD PREVIOUSLY EVER SEEN BEFORE IN PERSON. I OWE THOSE DUDES PROPS FOR ALLOWING ME TO FOLLOW ALONG AND LEARN ON SITE FROM WATCHING THEIR UNIQUE APPROACHES TO ALL ONCOMING TERRAIN.

      (JIMI WAS ON ONE OF THE UNRELEASED MYSTERY AIR BOARDS THAT DAY. ‘TWAS A VERY RARE OCCASION TO SEE THAT PARTICULAR BOARD OUT ON THE HILL. I WAS STOKED ON THE NEON ORANGE BASE LOGO.)

      THEY ALL COULD DO LEGIT JAPAN TUCK-KNEES WHERE YOUR FRONT KNEE TOUCHES THE BOARD OR EVEN GOES BEYOND IT. THEY ALL ROCKED THE OAKLEY SHIELDS WITH ROSE OR YELLOW OR IRIDIUM LENSES AS WELL, WHICH WAS KINDA CUTTING EDGE STUFF AT THE TIME.

      WHEN I GOT BACK FROM THAT TRIP, I CHOPPED MOST OF THE NOSE AND TAIL OFF OF MY K2 DAN DONNELLY, DRILLED 8 T-NUT HOLES, ADJUSTED MY STANCE BEYOND THE FACTORY OPTIONS, CUT DOWN MY HIGHBACKS & ADDED PADDING BY COVERING THE SERATED EDGES WITH DUCKTAP.

      I PAINTED OVER THE ENTIRE TOPSHEET WITH AQUA BLUE SPRAY PAINT THEN GOT THE COARSE FILE OUT & ROUNDED MY EDGES ENOUGH TO NOT CATCH ON WOODEN RAILINGS AND BENCHES, READY TO JIB EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.

      THE NEW SKATEBOARDING ON SNOWBOARDS LIFE WAS ABOUT TO GET POPPIN’ AND I SAW IT ALL COMING IN ADVANCE.

       
      • OUT HERE IN THE STICKS WE CALL IT ‘DUCK’ TAPE BECAUSE WHEN YOU PULL A PIECE OF THAT TAPE OFF OF A ROLL IT SOUNDS LIKE A QUACKING DUCK….BUT SURELY YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT ALREADY.

        ARE YOU ALSO AWARE THAT ‘DUCT TAPE’ IS THE ORIGINAL TERM FOR HVAC SYSTEMS SEALING TAPE? THAT KIND OF TAPE WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE DUCK TAPE I USED AS IT WAS A MUCH THICKER, STICKIER, BURLIER, GNARLIER VERSION OF PROFESSIONAL CONSTRUCTION GRADE DUCT TAPE (WHICH WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE HVAC TAPE), AND IT WAS CRAZY TOUGH TO PULL OFF ANY ROLL WITHOUT MAKING THAT LOUD QUACKING DUCK SOUND…..

        HENCE, MR.KNOWS, YOU ARE CORRECT IN ONE REGARD WITH THE DUCT TERM CORRECTION, YET CLEARLY NOT ON THE OTHER SITUATION WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT PREDATE YOUR BEING INTERESTED IN THE ARTS OF SLANG-CREATING-PROFICIENCIES.

         
  59. I noticed that there is a fuck yobeat shirt for sale on the site now. Did this article come out to trick Colorado boarders into supporting yobeat? I would buy one but fuck yobeat

     
  60. If I had a nickle for every time Yobeat wrote a Fuck Colorado article I would have a shit ton of nickles.

     
  61. Going on vacation to CO from Wisconsin is fun for like a day and then your just like,”I hate chairlifts, this takes to long to take a lap, why can’t I just drive to mcdonalds instead of paying for shitty ski area food? why doesn’t anyone talk to each other here? why is everyone so much better at jumps than me? Why do I have to wear a jacket? Why do I have to wear goggles?” It’s just is a pain.

     
  62. Please, keep hating!!! We do not need anymore poser visitors in Colorado…. Stay away…please!

     
  63. Dumbest dumbest countdown ever…every point is lost… clearly 3
    Every point is made from a poor, dirtbag, who is “experimenting” with a lifestyle they wish they could understand and live:..poorest representation on things people dont know but what they want to think they know…good work colorado haters. You are lucky to know any of us or any thing of what life is and could be like

     
  64. Yeah, Mt. Hood doesn’t have any of that shit. No bros there….and I love shredding in the rain. Must be great in Oregon.

     
  65. Brooke must not have gotten laid last time she went to colorado

     
  66. Every time I go I have a good time. Light fluffy snow, and they measure the snow at mid – vail, so there’s more than you expect when you get up top . My friend’s boss out there is a complete dick though that won’t even ride with him cuz he’ll find out his secret spots lol.

     
  67. In Colorado you need to be a resident to blaze

     
  68. This article made my day. So much truth and yet, y’all still need to come ride here in the spring. Yes that’s a y’all…goddamn texans rubbing off on me.

     
  69. this makes a buzzfeed lists seem insightful..

     
  70. Growing up on east coast and living in colorado this was pretty halarious. CO is awesome though, and impretty sure oregon is full of meth heads

     
  71. I agree here. I’ve been to Hood, Tahoe, and Utah. This past year i finally went to Colorado in March hoping for either warm sunny slush days or some fresh snow because of a freak storm. I got neither. Just clouds and ice for 5 straight days. This definitely makes me biased i guess but i also got a bad vibe from Colorado. I couldn’t breath or sleep at night, tickets were $100+ at every major resort, and the drive from DIA to the mountains was just fucking long and boring. Colorado has no personality, its just bland with lots of rich pricks who care more about the apres ski restaurants and not the actual conditions of the mountain each day. I’d have to say that UTAH just tops all, cheap lift tickets, easy to get to the mountains from SLC airport, and the snow/conditions have always been good. All in all, fuck Colorado, i’ll never go back.

     
    • ya ya ya, i am lorde, ya ya ya

      thanks for not living in CO, keep up the good work.

      go broncos.

       
  72. Oregonians aren’t in any position to call out another state for being flat.

    Outside that the list seems pretty legit to this ex-Coloradoan.

     
  73. skated leadville yesterday, might be the best park i’ve ever skated. gotta hand it to CO for the ridiculous amount of sick concrete parks they have.

     
  74. Yep summit county is da worst… No women, no snow, no drugs, long lines, only vail resorts. The one good thing is all the cool ass skiers and rollerbladers they so cool.

     
  75. I moved to Denver from NC and Va a few months ago. CO has more yang energy, and I’m more of a yin person. Places are like people and have their own unique energies. I like good doses of trees, shade, grey days, privacy, quiet, and solitude. Colorado and it’s people vibe are active, doers, goers, busy, and the place is dry, sunny, and has wide open spaces. All yang. The houses tend to be very close together. I like a house with plenty of yard, privacy, shade, trees, foliage, and space from the neighbors. Colorado is a great place, but I miss more of the feminine yin energy elements back East as it better suits me. Hope to enjoy it for a couple of years, and head back home to a more serene, quiet, easy life.

     
  76. Fugggg, is it too late to go back home?

     
  77. This was clearly written by a GAPER that wouldn’t even be welcome here in Colorado with that kind of shitty attitude. I’m glad you like Oregan so much, it means you can fucking stay there cos you sure as hell wouldn’t be welcomed here.

     
  78. AND I love how you bitch about tourists, but when you come here and do NOT live here, YOURE A TOURIST. So you’re points and opinions are invalid since you’re just as bad as the people you say are “the worst”. YOU ARE ONE OF THEM.

     
  79. The “kooks” outlined by this article who can’t handle the altitude, can’t read alcohol % labels, have difficulty riding all parts of the mountain (including moguls and avalanche prone areas) and bro far too hard, or have trouble understanding the idea of wearing winter gear to cope with the cold are often from out of state. Cu Boulder might indeed be fratty but it is also notorious for enrolling the allowed maximum number of out of out of state students (accounting for almost 50% of their student population) I think giving the area a general feel not similar to most of Colorado. I agree that the lift tickets are absurdly expensive, but their price is essentially based off the demographic that decides to vacation in Colorado whom commonly buy multiple day passes instead of season passes (still overly expensive). It seems to be the wealthy from out of state have the means to come up with Colorado Vacation Money year after year, and it’s Vail resorts that shamelessly capitalizes on their wealth. When you take a second to look at who is running the show over at Vail resorts; Robert Katz (originally from NY), or previously Leon Black (also from NY) there seems to be a strong trend connecting many of the unfavorable points you make against Colorado in your article and a generalization that they stem from out of our state. It’s not that I am condoning the idea of a “locals only” state, but more so is that I don’t agree with merely whining about problems in a generic 30 reason list without properly identifying the underlying issues at hand so that steps can be taken to resolve them as a means to make an overall change for the better. Call me a crazy Coloradian but I am pretty sure that’s what we did to legalize a once illegal substance. Step up your game!

     
  80. To the author, enjoy Oregon and don’t visit Colorado ever again – we don’t want you……..I’m sure Oregon will subsidize lift tickets to entitled losers like you soon……long live vail

     
  81. Its funny how the focus is on summit county. Only someone who has never really spent time here would write an article like this. Summit county does not represent the entire state. Summit county is littered with kids from the east coast that have lived there for 1 season, and they think they own the place. There are other roads that go to the mountains besides I-70. This stereotyping is hilarious. We have 28 resorts here, and they all have a different vibe. There is something for everyone. And your backcountry comments are so uneducated it hurts. I doubt you’ve ever spent a day in the Colorado backcountry. Sure, stability is an issue, but thats what makes it backcountry. There are so many zones and options its endless. Your article speaks of true ignorance. And by the way, its hard to take you seriously when your entire page is littered with Burton ads. YOU are the problem.

     
  82. Brooke, you are so washed up. Go get a job at Staples and stop ruining snowboarding for everyone else

     
  83. 30 Reasons why Colorado sucks!

    “OUT OF TOWNERS!” 1 THRU 30

     
  84. Brooke Geery you forgot to mention the 50+ 14er’s that will kill ya because of the lack of oxygen! And the 300+ days of sunshine Colorado has in a year…Compare that to Oregon’s lack of sun and it’s just down right awful to live in Colorado! Brooke….you are a fuckin moron…stay in Oregon or wherever you’re from!

     
  85. Please don’t tell me someone got paid for this…

    Also, does anyone know how the human body works? Your body produces more red blood cells in higher altitudes to make up for the lack of oxygen. Tourists can’t hold their own b/c they don’t make time to acclimate. It is not Colorado’s fault if you don’t take the time to do so! Blame SCIENCE!

     
  86. Lift ticket prices are the only valid point made. Bluebird day coined here because we get storms then it clears and we have gorgeous sunny power days with very mild temps. Flat is laughable considering its the rockies. Probably never left green runs that traverse the mountains. Complaining about light fluffy pow? First rider in history to do so. Complain about altitude and how its better to get drunk faster, then cry about 3:2 supermarket beer not getting you drunk yet there is a liquor store on every corner… my guess is the writer is a fair weather beginner rider. :)

     
  87. Being from Colorado, I agree with about a third of this list -> traffic, flat at certain ski areas, rich folk at certain ski areas, etc.

    However, the majority of this list is a joke. This dude clearly can’t make up his mind on marijuana and drinking because there are multiple contradictions, he is obviously a pussy because he can’t deal with a little altitude, and a good portion of this list is not exclusive to Colorado.

    On your next visit to Colorado, which I am sure will be soon because you are probably in search of some of the best mountains in the world, I hope you enjoy your 3.2 beer because you are too lazy to go to the liquor store that accompanies pretty much every grocery store in Colorado.

     
  88. Could be more appropriately titled ’30 reasons summit county sucks’. For a Colorado native to understand such points made could be a struggle for them to recognize when having only been surrounded by these norms their entire life. As where an outsider coming in could contest, these points are pretty spot on. I have come, lived and recently gone from Co and a lot of this I couldn’t agree with more. These points made are most of the first things I learned/experienced right away. Some of the points could use some further elaboration to eliminate many different interpretations of the ‘hating on’ for what exact reason, but to show that there HAS to be a love/hate with many of these points as well, which also makes the point suck more becuase you have to accept its unchangeable. Example #13 Texans. Ya they blow…HARD! but Colorado’s economy is critically dependent on tourism and 70% of ski resort revenue comes from Texas/Oklahoma. So while they do suck at clogging shit up, they do provide an ever changing gauntlet of obstacles for you to practice your nimble agility at top speeds; and you (scrubbing their shit out of the hotel toilet that’s bitching about them)are dependent on their tips too! The leading factor why I had no choice but to leave was the common attitude that locals had about ‘how they ARE the sickest shit out there’ and ‘there is nothing else that exists that is better than them, Colorado is the world’. Funnier thing is, most of the people that have that mind set aren’t even from there. They all came from different states and they are all 40-something year old alcoholics, washing windows for minimum wage, with Phd’s and the biggest challenge for them is whose couch they’re going to bum on next week. The only points I don’t completely agree with is the long traverse’s/it’s flat, those are very contextual statements. I left Crested Butte and shit ain’t flat there.
    For the most part this is one of the better compiled articles for what the negatives are in Colorado.

     
  89. Coming from somebody who is from neither Oregon or Colorado, you all sound like a bunch of the brofags that this article is making fun of. Cowabunga dudes! Hahaha fucking losers

     
  90. It could’ve been a clever, intelligent, and funny ad for some other state or place. Instead it was adult-rated rant. Not funny, not clever, uninteresting, and not effective – just plain stupid.

     
  91. I moved to Denver from pdx two years ago. Hate to break it to ya but Denver is WAY warmer than pdx. Was 68 yesterday..in December. Sure we get cold snaps but the sun is a constant and the economy is fantastic compared to Oregon. Attacking a state for no reason is just wierd. If Oregon ski conditions were so fantastic Im sure theyd move the Olympic training center there right?:) Ill never move back. OR is beautiful but the weather and economy is horrific. Way more to do here as well.

     
  92. Yes, Colorado has super awesome boarding and plenty of awesome terrain n such but there are so many fucking kooks all over the place it’s unreal. This didn’t mention how fucking horrible the drivers are, I’m talking worse then people from Missouri. Everyone has to boast that they are natives and put bumper stickers all over their cars, plus all the stupid fucking Colorado flags all over the fucking place….like we get it. And for real FUCK legal weed, I paid 22 dollars for one g, 8 dollars in tax (got some edibles too) and 4 dollars for an exit bag that the weed has to stay in. Fuck that shit, I pay 65 for a quad in Chicago and it’s just as good. Also, people in Colorado try way too hard to make it known that they are so adventurous and love the outdoors. Utah all day long

     
  93. fuck colorado. fuck yobeat. fuck.

     
  94. All true! For some of us who moved here 30 years ago can tell you, you nailed it. It’s turned into a pretentious, idiots filled place. Remember, Colorado is Midwest mentality with a couple cool spots. Colorado itself is stunning until you add the parasites that moved here from the east and Texas. Terrible drivers and shitty weak people who like to sit on chairlift all day for $120.

     
  95. I grew up in Colorado in the 60s and 70s. For my money the state is full of prosthelytizing idiots who think they are responisble for the very forces of nature which created continental drift and platectonics, causing the Rocky Mountains to rise from the ancient sea floors. When all they have really done is create Eastern California. I left at the age of seventeen in 1973 and I never went back. TMF.

     
  96. This actually sounds like heaven, I don’t know what you guys are talking about

     
  97. I’m not a native , but for the last 7 years Summit has been my home. I think you have the wrong idea about Colorado, and that’s ok.. You came and spent your money, and thats more than I’ve done for Oregon. I’ve never even consider going to Oregon… We’ve gone to North Carolina, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Massachusetts for vacations, Greece this summer. Huh, yeah all in all Oregon will never get any of my money. I haven’t even thought of Oregon until Ohio State beat the shit out of their football team.

    Oh, and keep working on those sweet jumps. Maybe some day you’ll be as good as the average Summit local.

     
  98. This article doesn’t even begin to touch all the reasons I think CO sucks. Here’s my experience: The weather sucks—plain and simple. It’s either too cold or hot as hell. And even in the summer there’s always some thunderstorm to ruin the somewhat bearable afternoons. And why do some people think CO is so beautiful?? Go to the southern parts of CO and then tell me that. It’s mostly neighborhood after neighborhood of poor people, dilapidated housing, and meth users. As for the northern areas, let’s just say the snow cover is very forgiving. Things that look colorless, dry and pathetic all of a sudden look a lot better covered in pure, white, virgin snow. But hell, I can get snow in places that are a lot less uncultivated and a lot more refreshing. To top it off, add all the religious freaks, the conservative bigots, and a plain lack of culture and you have what can be basically called a wasteland. In my humble opinion.

     

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